After years of research, I’ve discovered why young people are grouchy all the time. It’s pretty simple, really. They’re bored out of their skulls. The problem is, despite the entire 21st century lying at their feet like a cornucopia of earthly delights, they have so many politically correct rules of engagement that they’re scared to touch it. Let me explain.
They can’t play games or even watch them. There is a myth that young people like board games, but I think this is just spin (“lie” is such a hard word.) Think about it! Games are, by definition, competition, and when you have competition you have winners and – OMG – losers. This is the Anti-Christ of the 21st century. If an activity isn’t win/win, it just doesn’t happen.
They can’t watch television — except The Handmaid’s Tale. The trigger warnings in Game of Thrones alone would fill an encyclopedia (that’s Google for old people.) Even the blandest of the bland, the antique sitcom, Friends — a program so inoffensive it can’t even be called vanilla (that suggests way too much flavour) is a minefield of politically incorrect thought. Nope, TV is out!
They can’t go to the zoo. Animals in captivity? That’s just crazy talk.
They can’t go to a museum. If the single statue of some dead guy is offensive, a whole building full of history could cause apoplectic shock.
They can’t read books published before 1980. In a time when To Kill a Mockingbird has been censored, Huck Finn rewritten and Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Screw banned, we’re not many days away from politically correct mobs ransacking libraries and burning the books in the streets. Sad as it may seem, Fahrenheit 451 isn’t fiction anymore; it’s a training manual. So reading is a no-no!
They can’t go to the movies. Here is an industry that has, on several occasions, confessed that it is a whitewashing, cultural appropriating, racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, anti-Latino, anti-Asian, anti-Muslim monopoly, controlled by misogynistic old white men. What’s left? Michael Moore’s “Ain’t It Awful?” documentaries — and even the politically correct are fed up with that guy.
They can’t dine out unless the restaurant grows its own organic food in a hydroponic biosphere in the back garden. Even quinoa and avocados, the meat and potatoes of contemporary life, are suspect. The carbon footprint that brings ancient grains and Aztec fruit to the modern table is just too deep to be tolerated.
And, of course, the super biggie:
They can’t flirt. Don’t even go there!
And that, boys and girls, is why young people are so 24/7 bitchy!