WD Fyfe

A Sideways Glare at Contemporary Society

It’s Been A Weird Week!

cougar

In a week when female Democrats applauded a speech by President Donald Trump how much weirder can our world get?  Pretty weird!

A Russian court found a Danish man, Dennis Christensen, guilty of “organizing the activities of an extremist organization” and sentenced him to six years in prison.  Dennis Christensen is a Jehovah’s Witness and his crimes were knocking on doors and handing out pamphlets – The Watchtower.  I know Jehovah’s Witnesses can be annoying — but six years?  Wow!  That Putin just doesn’t take crap from anybody!

There was a brawl during a weekly bingo game at a seniors’ care facility (read Old Folks’ Home) in Ontario, Canada.  Apparently, two women, aged 86 and 79, had a disagreement over the seating arrangements – both claimed the same chair.  The argument took a nasty turn when one of the ladies threw a punch.  Various friends, on both sides, leapt to the defense of the two combatants, and suddenly it was Wrestle-Mania – with dentures.  Despite the valiant efforts of the staff to break up the melee, it escalated into a free-for-all with several of the seniors using their canes to get a few licks in.  The police were called.  They assessed the situation, and rather than wade into the donnybrook, they called for backup.  Eventually, order was restored and even though there were a number of bumps and bruises, no charges were laid.  However, afternoon bingo has been suspended indefinitely!

Some guy in Colorado was out jogging when he heard a noise behind him.  He turned around and the first (and only) thing he saw was a mountain lion in full lunge with every intention of turning him into a Happy Meal™.
(Slight pause in the story.)
I live in Canada, so I’ve seen mountain lions (we call them cougars) and they are big and beautiful and the international symbol for “pee your pants” scary.  If you’re not familiar, imagine your house cat with 35 kilos (75 lbs.) of extra muscle, teeth the size of your index finger, paws and claws the size of a dinner plate and no reason to control his instinct to kill.
Back to our tale – and this is the good bit.
Rather than screaming and dying a horrible, icky death, our boy had the presence of mind to fight back.  In fact, he went total Tarzan, somehow managed to get Mr. Mountain Lion in a choke hold and hang on until kitty — was kitty litter.  The guy killed a mountain lion – WITH HIS BARE HANDS!  (Yeah, yeah, yeah!  We all feel sorry for the cat, but nobody in their right mind wants to experience the primeval food chain up close and that personal – so good on ya, buddy!)  Anyway, scratched, torn, bitten and chewed on, he still managed to get himself to a hospital where they stitched him back together.  Damn!

The thing is though, this man is suddenly on top of the testosterone ladder.  He’s got the best after-dinner story of all time.

“So, Bob, what do you do?”
“I’m an accountant and in my spare time … I kill mountain lions – with my bare hands!”

0r

“You’re lookin’ pretty fit there, Bob.  You work out?”
“Yeah, I do a little jogging and … kill mountain lions – with my bare hands!”

I don’t even know the guy and I’d buy him a couple of beers just to hear the story.

It might be the middle of winter — snowy, cold and miserable — but never mind the weather: it’s been a weird week.  And it’s a safe bet there’s going to be a few more before spring.  So, sit back, pour a hot beverage of your choice and enjoy them!

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8 comments on “It’s Been A Weird Week!

  1. Kenneth T.
    February 8, 2019

    I hate to have to be the one to ask this…
    Is there a video, of this cougar – choking?
    Hmmm… we Americans want video on all things improbable – or it didn’t happen like “they” say

    • wdfyfe
      February 8, 2019

      no video. scratched up guy — dead cougar

  2. The Real Reality Show Blog
    February 8, 2019

    The mountain lion guy has a cool story but I want to meet those old people. Ain’t nobody messing around with any of them including other old people. I always knew bingo on Tuesday is not their idea of fun regardless of what the youngsters tell them.

    • wdfyfe
      February 8, 2019

      Who knows what goes on in gambling dens like bingo halls.

      • The Real Reality Show Blog
        February 9, 2019

        I think it’s telling that the responding police required backup. Can you the imagine the exchange back at the station house after that one?

      • wdfyfe
        February 9, 2019

        I’d have loved to be a fly on the wall for that.

  3. CJ Hartwell
    February 12, 2019

    Those Coloradans are tough! Personally I think the most impressive thing is that he doesn’t want to be identified. In this day and age? Unheard of!

    • wdfyfe
      February 13, 2019

      He may not have been afraid of cougars but he might be afraid of PETA

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This entry was posted on February 8, 2019 by in Culture, Humor, Humour and tagged , , , , .
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