A Sideways Glare at Contemporary Society
Everything in life is about sex! Don’t believe me? Just take a moment, forget the warped sense of sexuality the 21st century has forced upon us (50 Shades of Grey? I’m laughing!) and remember a time before half-baked academics got hold of the word — a time when Lady Chatterley had a lover, Maurice had a happy ending and Anais Nin wrote porn by the page. Now, are you sitting comfortably? Then we can begin. Take a read on the following 15 statements and decide for yourself which ones are categorically wrong. Not kinda, not maybe, but categorically wrong. Good luck!
1 — Conversations are like sex — If the other person hasn’t made a noise in a while, they’re not interested.
2 – Reading a menu is like sex – Something might have a fancy French name but if you don’t know what you’re going to get, you better not order it.
3 — Cars are like sex — There’s a standard model, but there are always a number of interesting options available.
4 — Picking your nose is like sex — You really don’t want to get caught doing it in an elevator.
5 — Sports are like sex — Yeah, it’s fun to watch it on TV, but it’s way better if you’re actually playing the game.
6 — Dancing is like sex – Duh!
7 — The Internet is like sex – You need to be careful when you go exploring, or you’ll end up at 1:30 in the morning with nothing to show for it but a vague sense of regret.
8 — Fast Food is like sex – Sometimes you’re looking for something quick and easy cuz you’ve got a lot of other things to do.
9 — Visiting your in-laws is like sex – You know it’s important to your partner, but sometimes you just want to get it over with.
10 — Customer service is like sex – If you don’t get the attention you think you deserve, you’re upset about it.
11 — Grocery shopping is like sex – If you can’t find the one item you went for, it feels like the whole trip was wasted, but it’s too much trouble to keep looking — so – close enough!
12 – Cleaning the house is like sex – You may have spent hours doing this amazingly thorough job on Saturday, but by Thursday, you’re kinda thinking maybe you should do it again.
13 – Having a cat is like sex – Yeah, it’s warm and cuddly and purring, but do you really know what’s going on in that feline’s mind?
14 – Playing the piano is like sex – You can practice all you want, but if you don’t love what you’re doing, you’ll never be any good at it.
15 — Riding a bicycle is like sex – You never forget how, but if you haven’t done it for a while, it’s going to hurt the next day.
I rest my case!