The 4th Of July (2018)

4th of july

Tomorrow is the 4th of July, American Independence Day.  (Not really– Congress actually voted on the 2nd of July, but the boys didn’t sign it until the 4th – so everybody just goes with that.)  Anyway, every year at this time I take a minute to cut through the rhetoric and speak in praise of America.  (Some years are harder than others.)  I do it because, as John Adams once said, “Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passions, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.”  Here are some facts about the Land of Milk and Money.

There are 1.5 million registered volunteer agencies in America (and that doesn’t include all the local groups, who run bake sales, sell raffle tickets, drive kids to practice, sew costumes for little theatre, plant community gardens, visit seniors, etc., etc., etc.)  In all, over 60 million Americans do some kind of volunteer work every year.  That’s nearly 20% of the population – far more than that of any other country in the world.

American universities spend mega-money on research.  Last year, the top 10 schools alone spent over 11 billion dollars studying everything from laser surgery to micro agriculture.  And here’s the deal.  Nearly 90% of all that research is available to the world – for free.  All you have to do is ask!

In 2015, the top ten charities in America raised and distributed over $26 billion dollars.  That’s more than the next three most generous nations (New Zealand, Canada and the UK) combined.

In 2016, the United States paid 10 billion of the roughly 50 billion dollar United Nations budget.  That kind of money goes a long way to keeping UN Women, the World Health Organization, Unesco and Unicef going.  By contrast, China the world largest nation, paid $1.3 billion and Vladimir Putin’s Russia paid a measly $562 million.

Those “Blood for Oil” bumper stickers are bullshit.  Roughly 40% of the fossil fuels used in the US are home-grown.  In fact, America is one of the top oil producers in the world (normally, just behind #1, Saudi Arabia and #2 Russia.)  The truth is, America gets more oil from Canada than it does from the entire Persian Gulf.

Despite what the Internet will tell you, America spends more on Health Care and Social Security (over half their budget) than it does on the military (16%.)  On average, university professors earn more than Army generals.  And there are 3 times as many teachers in America as there are police officers.

But my favourite is still:

Every year, the US government gives – GIVES – over $30 billion in non-military foreign aid to countries around the world.  That’s free money, folks — courtesy of the American taxpayer.  It’s from the woman who drives the truck.  The guy with 3 kids in school.  The architect, the nurse, the butcher, the baker and even the candlestick maker.  It’s from all those Americans who never get mentioned in the news.

Over the last 242 years, US presidents, policies and perceptions have changed many times, but ordinary Americans have always maintained a remarkable ability to cope, an incredible desire to help — at home and around the world — and an extraordinary willingness to share their good fortune.

Happy 4th of July, America

Canada Day — Eh (2018)

canada

Sunday, July 1st is Canada Day.  (On the map, we’re that big pink bit on top of the United States.)  Living next door to America is a blessing and a curse.  On the one hand, we can wander around the world, spouting all kinds of pie-in-the-sky nonsense because we’re pretty secure under the American military and economic umbrella.  On the other hand, nobody pays much attention to Canada because we are permanently stuck in that shadow.  As a result, a lot of people around the world have some serious misconceptions about Canada – what we do and how we live.  So in honour of Canada Day, here are a few myths about my country that need to be straightened out.

We all live in igloos. – Not really, but given the outrageous house prices (Vancouver’s average is $1.1 million) it’s becoming a viable option.

We all say “eh.” — Actually, like “aloha,” we only do it for the tourists.

We don’t lock our doors. — Michael Moore said we didn’t in one of his “documentaries” and the world thought that was cool — although Canadians laughed themselves stupid.  “Hey, Mikey!  You jackass!  Just because we’re not Americans, that doesn’t mean we’re idiots.”

Nous parlons tous francais. – No, nous ne parlons pas tous francais.  The fact is, only about 20% of Canadians speak French.  The rest of us try to get by on the French we learned in school — with various hilarious results.

Our police wear bright red uniforms and ride horses. — Yeah, right!  And Dutch people all wear wooden shoes!

We don’t have guns. – Actually, Canadians have a lot of guns (3 for every 10 people in the country.) We just don’t whip them out every time we have a social disagreement.

Canadians are obsessed with hockey. – Just because the entire country shuts down when Canada plays for Olympic Gold, that doesn’t mean we’re obsessed!

We say “sorry” all the time. — Sorry, we don’t.

You can legally grow and smoke marijuana in Canada. – Nobody really knows, but we do it anyway.

Canadian dollars are called “loonies.” – This is true, but we only do it to make the pompous asses at the IMF sound silly.

And finally:

Canada is always cold.  — Canadian winters are no joke, but it’s really only mind-numbing, soul-eating, kill-me-now cold for part of the year.  The second week of August is usually quite balmy.

———

So Happy Canada Day — when Canadians all over the country forget their differences and remember the only thing we all have in common – we love to make fun of Americans.

May Day (2018)

may day

I’m old enough to remember when May Day smelled of wool socks and carried a hammer.  The marchers wore clean clothes back then, carried red banners and were awkwardly polite.  Around the world, Brezhnev strutted his missiles and Castro raged volumes into the bright Caribbean sun.  In those days, “The Internationale” still had those goofy lyrics.  Yes, I’m older than Billy Bragg, but once, he and I — and maybe a hundred other people — stood stock-still and sang his new version of that old song.  Most of them had clenched fists.  This was in the way-back- time when communism still had a future and not just an imaginary past.

Those of us who grew up in the cause de jour 60s remember when communism went from industrial worker in a soft cloth hat and baggy pants to celebrity outlaw in camo-green and black beret.  Somewhere between the Gulf of Tonkin and the Tet Offensive, communism became cool again.  Academics sprouted beards and spouted doctrine.   Marx and Lenin fought it out with Trotsky and Mao in college pubs and coffee shops.  Workers marched, and students told them why.  Those were heady days: late-night basement meetings and manifestos.   Old, boot-faced men who had worked on the Dnieper dam or fought in Spain spoke in mildewed halls.  Grey-haired girls who had given their youth to the movement went first into the police barricades.  “They won’t hit me; I’m a grandmother!”  But they did.  And all the young, smooth-faced converts were eager to worship their newfound economic religion.  They were all together then.  Yet, with all the talk and more talk, the workers of the world never did unite under anything more than their national flags.  Communism was cool, but it wasn’t very effective.

May Day was special, though.  Ideological differences were put aside, and for one brief, shining moment, the workers did march shoulder to shoulder — their grievances with each other forgotten in the face of a common enemy.  Normally, they ended up at the old Cambie pub for a pint after the speeches were done.  Doctrine be damned: walking was thirsty work!  These were the folks who took the early bus, ate their lunch out of metal kits and bought sturdy shoes at the Army and Navy store.  Office staff and salespeople might get a three-day Labour Day long weekend in September, but May the First was the sore shoulder workers’ day, and they kept it sacred.

May Day, like much of the Western communist movement, came out of a combination of American action and European philosophy.  It commemorates the Haymarket Massacre in Chicago in 1886.  During a labour demonstration, everything went horribly wrong when somebody (who has remained nameless to this day) tossed a bomb at the police.  The cops opened fire.  Several people were killed, and there have been serious accusations ever since.  Three years later, at the Second International in Paris, the French delegation read a letter from Samuel Gompers.  (Sam was the head honcho of the newly-formed American Federation of Labor.)  It outlined American Labour’s plans to organize rallies and marches for the third anniversary of the massacre.  The French proposed that on May 1st, European workers march in solidarity with their American brothers (Sisters didn’t really count yet.)  The motion was passed, and organized labour has been taking to the streets on the first day of May ever since.  Actually, May Day is an official holiday in over 80 countries.

In the 21st century, May Day, like communism, has fallen on hard times.  There are still the big rallies in all the European capitals.  But Moscow doesn’t parade their missiles through Red Square anymore, and Fidel is gone.  God only knows what the workers in Pyongyang have been forced to do, and whatever happened in Beijing … well… that’s just false advertising, isn’t it?

In North America, May Day has always been more about organized labour than labour itself.  Union members come out to listen to their nabobs try their best to resurrect the 19th century, when the battle lines were clearly drawn.  However, it’s getting harder and harder for union leaders to convince the rest of us that organized labour is in a life-and-death struggle with capitalist greed.  These days, union dues buy sports franchises, and pension plans are used to fund hotels and tourist destinations.  Organized labour carries stock portfolios worthy of JP Morgan Chase and BNP Paribas.

May Day has come a long way from the Haymarket in Chicago, and so has communism.  Both were born as a downtrodden backlash against the Industrial Revolution; both rose to become an emblematic certainty of a better future, and both have faded away as their usefulness declined.  A few people still march, but they will be carrying Smart phones, not lunch buckets.  Their brand-name jeans will be made in Asia, and when it’s over, they’ll drive away in Toyotas and Kias.  It isn’t Animal Farm yet, but it’s getting pretty close.

_______________________________

Originally written in 2012 with a few minor edits.