6 Reasons Why Covid-19 Sucks

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In the Covid-19 timeline, today is Day – uh – nobody really knows what the hell day it is!  Day 24?  Day 19?  Day 167?  All the days are running together.  It’s as if the calendar gave up on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and just decided to go with “Day.”  This stupid pandemic is ruining our sense of urgency.  Who cares if we sleep in?  “Oh, no! I’m going to be late for ….”  What?  Going to the living room?  And that’s only one of the reasons Covid-19 sucks.  There are tons more.  Here are just a few.

Wall-to-Wall Media
Even in the good old days, there was never 24 hours of news happening every day.  That’s why even respectable media outlets filled up the time with celebrity crap, sports and weather warnings.  Now, with the world at a standstill, all the talking heads are talking about Covid-19 – hour after relentless hour.  Gloom with an extra helping of doom.  Dear God, give it a rest!  Full marks, however, for the 1,001 creative ways journalists are saying, “You’re screwed!”

It’s not “over there.”
Up until the wet markets in Wuhan, China went batshit crazy, every other human disaster was localized.  Earthquakes, tsunamis, volcanic eruptions and famines all happened, but 90% of the rest of the world was fine.  Even the mighty World War II never made it past the Statue of Liberty!  We all felt bad for those poor buggers in the thick of it, but life went on – kids went to school; we went to yoga class, drinks after work, shopping, dinner and a movie – OOPS!  Now the shoe’s on the other foot, and it doesn’t fit.

The constant comparisons to World War II.
Seriously?  We’ve been jealous of The Greatest Generation ever since Tom Brokaw called them that in ’98, but c’mon!  Even the people comparing 10 years of economic disaster, 6 years of war, the Holocaust and 2 nuclear bombs to just over 6 weeks of self-isolation can’t keep a straight face.

We can’t find a bad guy.
All the usual suspects — misguided science, the military, millennials, corporate greed, etc. — just don’t qualify.  Okay, the Chinese have been dicks about this from the beginning, but believe me, you don’t want say that out loud.  If you dare, Twitter will unleash such an unholy torrent of hate on your head that even your dog will think you’re a racist.  It’s way better to play it safe and bitch about Trump — but after 4-plus years, that isn’t even fun anymore.

There’s nothing to do.
Every single person on this planet is on the front line, and the only thing we can do about it is hide.  People aren’t built that way.  In a crisis, our natural instinct is to take action — even if it’s only volunteering to get shot at.  This is the first disaster ever when taking responsibility, being a good person and doing your part to help means grabbing a spot on the sofa and staying there — and we don’t like it.

But worse than that:

No great stories to tell the grandchildren.
Think about it!  Throughout history, catastrophe has always produced tales of courage, stories of hardship and sacrifice, ripping yarns about the indomitable human spirit.  However, years from now, when our grandkids ask, “Back in the old days, when the world was falling apart, what did you do during Covid-19?” the vast majority of us are going to have to say, “Well, dear — we drank some wine and watched a lot of Netflix.”

And if that lame-ass answer doesn’t suck, I don’t know what does!

Time For A “Time Out”

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Call it the Corona Virus, the Chinese Virus, Covid-19 or just a good old-fashion pandemic: it’s clear to me that Mother Nature has given all of us a super-serious “time out” to think about what we’ve done.  So here are a few things I’ve been thinking about.

It took the canals of Venice less than a month to clean themselves.  This is proof that we might not be able to stop climate change, but it’s definitely possible to have clean water and blue skies again.

This doesn’t end here: we need to learn from our mistakes.  And after Sars, Avion Flu, Swine flu, Ebola, etc., etc. — in the future, our international strategy should be containing this stuff at the source, rather than chasing it all over the planet once it escapes.

Three cheers for technology!

No, human nature doesn’t change, but it’s nice to know that, in times of crisis, it does mutate for the better.

Social distancing will mark the end of Uncle Ernie’s long, boring stories and stupid “Pull My Finger” humour.

No virus can put a stop to Kanye West, Kim Kardashian and Taylor Swift’s relentless quest for attention.

I am seriously embarrassed by the things that used to annoy me.

It’s amazing how quickly toilet paper jokes lose their lustre.

For the first time, North American drive-thru car culture makes a little bit of sense.

I’ll betcha most parents, stuck with home schooling, aren’t bad- mouthing teachers anymore.

When this is over, we need to give Amazon a rest (they’re going to be totally tired) and buy our stuff locally.  These are the folks who were on the front line.  Now it’s our turn to help them.

I’m amazed at how friendly people can be – at a distance.

For the next month or so, it’s going to be super easy to find Waldo.

I’m pretty much laughing my ass off at the Zombie Apocalypse.

And finally:

To those clever but equally nasty bastard millennials who are calling this the “Boomer Buster” don’t be in such a hurry to get your inheritance.  Grandma might just fool you and leave her money to medical science!

Time To Be Better

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Our grandparents and their parents were called on to fight a World War to save the world.  Now, it’s our generation’s turn to hear the clarion call to action.  We’re being called on to save the world by staying home, sitting on the sofa, playing video games and watching TV.

WE CAN DO THIS, PEOPLE!

This is the part where ordinary people step forward and do better.  There are many of us on the frontline of this fight, but for the rest of us … we are not required to be extraordinarily brave, we’re not required to leave our homes and families and we’re not required to put ourselves in harm’s way.  In fact, we’re being asked to do the very opposite!  So, it’s not too much to ask that we also leave our fat world of entitlement behind us, drop our petty differences at our feet and just be better human beings.

So, here’s a rough guide on how to do better in the time of Covid-19.

The world has changed.  You don’t have to like it, but you do have to adapt.  We all pride ourselves on how well we think outside the box. Here’s our chance to prove it.

If your natural tendency is to complain – go ahead.  However, here in 2020, the entire world got pooped on, so we all have something to complain about.

If your natural tendency is to laugh – go ahead.  It can’t hurt.

And if your natural tendency is to cry, remember you’re not the only one.

Don’t claim the moral high ground: there isn’t one.  Nobody gets extra points for doing the right thing.  It’s what we’re supposed to do.

In the pantheon of problems the world faces right now, there is only one choice you have to make.  ONLY ONE!  Buy what you need and leave the rest.  It doesn’t require any sacrifice.  It isn’t even a hardship.  It’s normal.  And, believe me, your life isn’t going to be any better because you’ve got 4 boxes of Cheerios.

This task has been given to you – no one else.  It’s your personal responsibility, and it’s not downloadable to “them” or “they” or someone half a world away.

There are no mitigating circumstances.  None of us has any excuse not to wash our hands, keep our distance, smile at our neighbours and play by the rules.

And finally:

Remember, we all know the result.  We all know we’re going to win.  We’re not facing a smart enemy who can outwit us.  We’re not facing an enemy who’s going to change its tactics.  We’re not facing an enemy who can divide us and deceive us with promises and propaganda.  We’re facing an enemy that needs to be isolated and killed – full stop.  So what you do right now determines whether this will be a long and arduous war or a sharp and final battle.

It’s not a choice: it’s time to be better!