The Ballad of Lisa and Lacey (Part V)
(For Part IV click here)

It wasn’t sadness; it was worse than that.  It was the utter futility of normal.  They had left each other at the airport.  Lisa had a connecting flight, so there was no time for any real goodbyes — just a few inane remarks, a long tired hug, and Lisa holding Lacey’s hands together and pulling them to her lips.

“I had such a wonderful time,” she said, smiling and warm, and kissed Lacey’s fingers.  The two women stood for a few seconds, wordless.

“Au revoir,” Lisa said in a whisper and turned and walked away.  Lacey watched her go, saw her change, almost immediately, from a casual strolling tourist to a clip-stepped deliberate professional. And then she simply melted away into the crowd.  That was the first alone, standing on the edge of Europe, unable to step off — the heavy Versace bag Lisa had bought her, keeping her from floating into the air.  And the strange thing was she would have willingly floated away because the other alternative was — what now?  And she honestly hadn’t thought about that.  She hadn’t ever considered that Lisa and Lacey would eventually end.  So she just stood there.

“I should go home,” she thought.  But … she didn’t even know where to get her suitcase — Shannon’s suitcase.  Shannon?  A faraway friend that Lacey vaguely remembered.

“I should probably go home.”

And she did go home, instinctively, moving through time and space until the taxi stopped somewhere familiar — and her key fit the lock, and she closed the door behind her, exhaled and left her suitcase in the hall.  She sat down in the living room, under the windows on the same brown sofa.  She slid the Versace bag Lisa had bought her off her shoulder onto the floor and lay down.  She  hugged the throw pillow to her head with both hands, and after a few minutes she fell asleep.

Days, weeks, even months later, things hadn’t changed.  She’d got her job back at the coffee shop when she showed up in a too-tight t-shirt and offered Tony a bag of dead grandma guilt for firing her.  She eventually went back to school, and even though her exams were difficult, they weren’t impossible.  Her GPA suffered, but she passed.  After the final final, she met Shannon and a few others for drinks. Too much tequila and she started to cry.

“You must miss your grandma a lot,” Shannon said.  It didn’t help, and Lacey went home. She called the parents.  Talked to her brothers.  Telephoned an ex-boyfriend, but that ended badly with her screening her phone calls and anxiously counting the days until her period.  After that, she mostly just went to work and came home.

She felt tired, used up — as if she’d been washed too many times and now she was gray and dull and shapeless — like some discarded dishcloth tucked in the elbow of the pipes under the sink.

After resisting the urge for several weeks, she googled Lisa and found her, smiling and warm, at a Farmer’s Market in Milwaukee.  The website was Radisson River, a family-owned food processing company in Wisconsin, and Lisa was the majority owner and CEO.  She was married with two children, and the company made a variety of condiments and sold them in Japan.  And after that, Lacey didn’t care anymore.

She tried texting but couldn’t figure out what to say, so she just said “hi” a couple of times, but that didn’t get a response.  Finally, she telephoned and a very nice woman said Ms. Anderson was out of the office but she could leave a message and Ms. Anderson would return her call — “Who could she say was calling, please?”  It was all too confusing for Lacey.  She didn’t want to talk to Ms. Anderson; she wanted to talk to Lisa, and she couldn’t say who was calling because she didn’t know who she was supposed to be.

“What is this concerning?”

“That’s fine.  I’ll call back, thank you.”

But she didn’t call back; it was too difficult.  So she went to work and came home and usually watched TV most of the night.  She ate mac and cheese and frozen pizza and leftovers from the coffee shop.  She got angry with Lisa, angry with herself, and half cleaned the apartment several times.  She went clubbing for awhile and found another ex-boyfriend, but that didn’t last.  She decided this was stupid and she needed to get on with her life — but that didn’t last either.  And by the end of the summer, she’d fallen into sleeping late and doing nothing, unconsciously caught in the slow leak of her life, watching the endless tick of minutes accumulating — until it was time to sleep again.

The Ballad of Lisa and Lacey (Part IV)
For Part III click here

Paris had been fun, but it was the river Lacey remembered.  Later, Cote D’Azur was too noisy and crowded and dancing, and when they went back to Paris, it was too short, too sad, too stilted.  So, it was the river, long and lazy, that Lacey saw when she closed her eyes.  The gliding evening light turning into night.  The world around them fading away into shadows and stars and shiny rippling fingers that trailed along beside them.  And the two lines of endless water spreading out behind them like the silver wings of a great dark serpent, pushing them forward and swallowing their tracks.  And they were together alone in the shallow darkness as if no one could ever find them there.  So, in the late evening they took their coffee on deck, which was surprisingly cold, and talked until the steward suggested brandy (he always suggested brandy) and then brought them each a blanket so they could remain there in the huge, whispering night.  Over the years, Lacey had rewoven those nights into a single thread, hopelessly knotted and twisted together, but for her it would always be Lisa.  Elegant, not delicate, impossible to unravel with maybe a single beginning but certainly no perceivable end.

“When we get to the Riviera, let’s dress up and go someplace expensive and eat caviar and drink champagne until dawn?”

“I’ll unpack my finest blue jeans.”

“I’m sure they have dress shops in Cote D’Azur, Lace.” Lisa said, “I can see you in something slinky and black — cut down to here.  You can borrow my silver chain and… we’ll do your nails and let’s get your hair done?”

Lisa hadn’t had her hair done since her aunt did it for her in middle school.

“I’m not a Barbie?”

Lisa paused and looked at Lacey.

“Of course not.”

She laughed.

“I’m Barbie.  You’re Skipper.”

“Skipper?  Like from Gilligan’s Island?”

“No, Skipper — Barbie’s little sister.  Didn’t you have Skipper?”

“No, I must have missed that.  We were poor people.  All I had was Barbie.  I didn’t even have a Ken.”

“Poverty’s a bitch,” Lisa said, swirling the brandy glass in the palm of her hand.

 

“Why business?”

“I don’t know,” Lacey shrugged, “Seems like a good idea.  There’s lots of jobs.”

“No, really?  Business Administration?  You’re not a bean counter.”

“Yeah, I am, actually.  I — uh — I — this might sound weird, but I just love economics.  Don’t laugh.  It’s cool.  The thing is a degree in economics doesn’t get you anywhere, so I thought I’d get into it, with something that pays the rent and see where it goes.”

“Good idea, I guess, but you should do what you love.”

Lacey couldn’t help herself.

“Is that what you do?”

“Of course.” Lisa spread her arms into the night.

 

“Okay, next year you can be Skipper.  The mother-daughter thing hasn’t really worked, has it?”

“Next year?”

“Yeah, where do you want to go?”

“You’re joking?”

“Not at all.  Aren’t you having fun?”

“Yeah, but…”

“You graduate next year. Let’s take a month and go to Italy.”

“Whoa, I’m a bit lost.  I thought this was your annual romantic…” Lacey opened her eyes wide, gritted her teeth and frantically pushed her hands back and forth without touching.

“Well, I never did it that way, but okay.”

“It’s just…”

Lisa held up her hand and stopped Lacey.

“Look around you.  You’re in France — on a boat — floating down the Rhone, snuggly warm, drinking cognac by candlelight under the stars.  How much romantic do you need?”

 

“There was a scandal when I was in high school.  You’ve never lived in a small town, Lace.  Believe me, small towns thrive on scandal.  Anyway, I got married very quickly.  He was from an old family and I was from a rich one, so everybody was happy.  Three years later, I was a miserable, bad housewife with two kids. My father was dead, my mother had a nervous breakdown, my brother was busy losing the family fortune and my husband decided he wanted to be a dentist.”

“What did you do?”

“I broke his nose!”

“Oh, my God, Lis!”  Lacey laughed out loud and put her hands to her face.

“I didn’t mean to.  It was instinct.”  Lisa set her glass down. “I was bending over, loading the dishwater, and he came up behind me and grabbed my ass.  I had one of those Telfon pans in my hand, and I just turned around and let him have it.  Bam!  Knocked him cold.  There was blood everywhere.  It was just a total disaster.”

Lacey was still laughing.

“Anyway, Bert was really good about it.  He told everybody he fell down the stairs.”

Lisa picked up her glass and sipped the brandy.

“After that, we kinda had an arrangement.  But it occurred to me that the only way out of the mess I was in was to quit being the dutiful daughter.  So I got my mother to sign over her shares in the company, and I booted my brother out.”

“Wow!” Lacey was still half laughing.

“Good thing, too. The company was going under.  I  had to work all the hours that God made just keep it going, get mom back in the land of the living, and put Bert through dental school.  But it was the least I could do.  He still can’t snorkel properly.”

The two woman giggled.

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll get my job back.  Tony likes me.”

There was a pause.

“Not like that!  Well, maybe he does.  But I don’t.  Anyway, they always need people, so after my exams I’ll probably work full time again — for the summer.  It’s a shit job, but it keeps me from sponging off the parents.”

“Do you need money?”  Lisa stirred her coffee and set the spoon down.

“I don’t wanna do that, Lis.”

“Neither do I, but I thought I’d ask.”

 

“Call it a graduation present.”

“Come on! I owe you like a million dollars now.  I can’t!”

“Of course you can!  All you have to do is say yes and buy some decent luggage.  Rome! Florence! Venice!”

“Oh, Lis.”

“Here comes the steward; we’ll ask him.  See what he thinks.”

“No!  Lisa, no!”

Lisa straightened up in her chair.

“Madam,” he said, setting down the brandy, “Mademoiselle.”

“Monsieur, s’il vous plait,” Lisa spoke in rapid “Roma” and a word or two, but not much else.  When she was finished, the steward answered and they both laughed.

“What did you tell him?”

“I said — no, I’ll tell you next year — in Rome.”

“Lis, I can’t say yes.  A lot of things can happen in a year.  Who knows?  Maybe you’ll meet somebody.”

“I doubt that.”

“You know what I mean.”

Lisa lifted her brandy with her palm and warmed it in her hand.

“Okay, I’ll leave it alone. But let’s do this:  I’ll send you a Christmas card with the itinerary. Bert’s probably going to take the kids skiing in Canada again this year, so when you get the card, call me.  How’s that?”

“Okay,” Lacey said, feeling mean.

And it was the next day or maybe the next that they landed at Cote D’Azur.

 

 

The Ballad of Lisa and Lacey (Part II)
For Part I click here

            The next day was easy.  There had been a few “what ifs” from the shadows the night before, but with her rent paid, $306.00 in the bank, a credit card (with not that much on it) and bankable parents, Lacey finally went to sleep — with Lisa taking her picture in front of the Eiffel Tower.  In the morning, she found her passport (sock drawer) and telephoned Lisa with all the details.  They agreed to meet for dinner at Lisa’s hotel.  Then she telephoned work and killed off her grandmother (not the live one.)  Tony, the assistant manager, who’d “accidently” brushed past her ass more than once, was really totally sorry and offered to talk if she needed to but could only give her a week off — without pay.  That didn’t bother Lacey.  It was only a part-time job, and she didn’t really like it that much anyway.  Besides, she had a feeling Tony would probably re-hire her.  Then she went out to the university and borrowed a suitcase from Shannon, who was really totally sorry as well and said she’d cover Lacey’s classes for her — just in case.  At some point, she thought about telephoning the parents, but she just wasn’t up for the trial by combat her mother would put her through.  And she already had a pretty good idea what kind of mountain of grief they’d give her if this thing went bad.  It wasn’t worth it to start the process early.  And that was that.  It was that simple.  By the time Lacey was back in her apartment, looking at the open, empty suitcase, she had disconnected herself.  For the next two weeks, she could say and do — and be — whatever she wanted to be, including, as it turned out, Lisa’s daughter.

That’s what they decided to do, at dinner that evening, just in case anyone on the tour asked — and, according to Lisa, somebody was bound to ask.  Actually, it wasn’t that big a stretch: the two women had similar colouring and hair, and anyway it was a lot easier to explain than “we met at a coffee shop three days ago.”

They tried it out on the bright smile hotel server when he brought the bill, and he seemed particularly pleased that they’d confided in him — after admitting that he thought they were sisters.

“I don’t have a sister.” Lisa said, after he’d gone.

“Neither do I.”

Lacey laughed, “Brothers?”

“Brother,” Lisa replied.

Lacey held up three fingers.

“All older,” she said.

“Oh, my God,” Lisa said. “I had one and that was bad enough.”

Lacey held up her wine glass and shook her head.

“You don’t wanna know.  But here’s a toast to the sisters we never had.”

Their glasses barely touched, and the high-pitched single tink was inaudible — except to the two of them.

“And  I want you to know, I promise to be the best daughter you never had.”

Lisa drank at her wine, set it down and smiled.

“I have a daughter, Lace, and a son.”

Lacey held the wine glass to her mouth to conceal her surprise.

“And they aren’t very much younger than you are.”

Lisa waited.  Lacey set her glass down.  She wasn’t sure what her reaction should be.  This changed things.  It wasn’t “just us girls” going on an adventure anymore.  Lacey knew that Lisa was older but … she had never suspected she was anybody’s mother.  Mothers and girls were different.  Mothers didn’t get dumped by bastard lovers; they got divorced.  Mothers had things, possessions — stuff.  Things they had to worry about.  Girls worried about whether or not their underwear matched.  Mothers had responsibilities.  But the big problem was mothers and girls weren’t equals.  Lacey picked up her glass again.

“I’m only 37, Lace.  I  had Ben and Courtney when I was quite young.”

“Where are they?”

Lacey sipped her wine and set it down.

“At home.”

“What?  How come — uh?”

“Let me show you.”  Lisa picked her telephone out of her handbag.  She tapped and swiped a few times and then handed it to Lacey.

“That’s them at the airport when I left on Monday.  Ben, Court and Bertram — my husband.”  Lisa said, reaching her finger across to point.

“I don’t understand.  Who’d you have the fight with here on Tuesday, then?”

“That was something that hasn’t been working out for a couple of years, but neither one of us knew how to end it.  So we just conjured up a big fight and now it’s over.”

“So your husband?”

“No. Bert’s safe at home,” Lisa looked at her watch, “Probably just climbing into bed with his receptionist.”

“Oh,” Lacey said with some distaste.

“It’s no sin.  What do you think I was doing Monday night?  We live in a very small town, Lacey.  Everybody knows everybody.  I just prefer to keep my marital lapses away from the local rumour mill; that’s all.  So every year, rather than have my particulars discussed around the local campfires, I take a business,” Lisa made finger quotes in the air, “trip to Europe.”

“And your husband knows?”

“He knows something.”

“What about the kids?”

From the picture they obviously weren’t children.

“They’re both old enough to hear the gossip,”  Lisa shrugged, “That’s why I try to be as discreet as possible.”

“So why drag me along?”

“Spur of the moment.  Like I said, we click, you and I.  You’re smart, witty.  You’re kind.  You were kind to me.  It feels right, Lace.  I can talk to you.  I just want to go and have fun for a couple of weeks.  A ‘just us girls’ adventure.”

Lacey drank the last of her wine.  Oddly, she felt very sophisticated, just then.