Month: August 2012

Julian Assange: A Study in Irony

I see Julian Assange is back in the news.  This guy’s like last week’s pastrami: he just keeps hanging around.  In case you don’t remember, Assange is that smarmy guy who was behind all the Wikileaks stuff that was heavy headlines a couple of years ago.  As the read-all-about-it Robin Hood of the chattering class, Assange gained a certain notoriety for opening other people’s mail and then bragging about it.  At the time, there was a lot of high-minded talk about an “honesty is the best policy” crusade, but these days there aren’t that many people who still believe Assange’s motivations were purely altruistic.   Besides, for all the hoopla, Wikileaks was (and still is) mainly just a nuisance.  So far, no person or institution has collapsed (or even gone into a decline) as the result of a Wikileaks revelation.  In fact, the only tangible result (that I know of) is some serious chuckles over diplomatic drinks at a few embassy garden parties.

Essentially, Julian Assange is the international equivalent of that kid from high school who was always a jerk.  The one who’d come up behind you and knock your books out of your hand or waited until you weren’t looking and tripped you on the stairs.  He never did anything you could prove or anything even all that serious.  He was just utterly annoying.  Unfortunately, the only way to deal with those kind of kids is beat the crap outta them — otherwise they’ll never leave you alone.  This was true in Miss Mackenzie’s grade nine class, and it’s doubly true now in the wider world.  (As we all know, grade nine and 21st century diplomatic relations are not for the faint of heart.)

Anyway, towards that end, because just being a pain in the ass is not a criminal offence, the powers that be got together and figured out a way to put Mr. Assange on ice for a while.  He’s facing criminal charges of the rape-without-pillage variety in Sweden.  I’m not completely convinced that everything is kosher in Stockholm, but you can make up your own mind.  Either way, the British government wants to extradite Assange back to the land of Ikea to face a little Norse justice.  Assange doesn’t want to go because he thinks the Americans are waiting for him at Arlanda airport — with a one-way ticket to Attica.  I wonder where he got that idea?

But here’s where the opera goes comic.  Having exhausted every legal means in Britain to avoid extradition, Julian turned for salvation to that bastion of liberty and human rights: Ecuador.  I’m not making this up.  A couple of months ago, Julian made a dash for the Ecuadorean embassy and claimed political asylum.  What’s even funnier – now they’ve granted it to him!  Suddenly, Britain is in a standoff with a South American country (and it isn’t Argentina.)  The grey suits in Whitehall are heading for the gin even as we speak.  Obviously, they can’t just let Assange go — especially not to a place like Ecuador — but aside from revoking Ecuador’s diplomatic status and storming the building, there’s not much they can do about it.

Meanwhile, Ecuador, for its part, is tweaking the lion’s tail — with some pretty good results.  They’ve dusted off the tried and true “you’re not the boss of me, you neo-colonial bastards” rhetoric and are wailing away as if they were Hugo Chavez’s little brothers.  According to one member of the National Assembly, Rosana Alvarado, “This is a decision of a sovereign government, which doesn’t have to ask for British permission to act.”  Another member, Paco Velasco, stuck a little closer to the traditional script with, “I hope the Ecuadorean people will remain united and reject any form of colonialism.”  Is somebody having an election soon?  It’s always a good idea to have a clear colonial enemy when the folks back home are going to the polls.  Surprise, surprise!  President Rafael Correa’s job’s on the line next February.  What a coincidence!  Just as an aside: this neo-colonial crap is really getting old.  After all, Ecuador has been an independent nation since 1822 — that’s 45 years longer than Canada and nearly a century longer than Australia.  (Just sayin’.)  However, standing up to both Britain and the United States about human rights is going to look really good on the election posters — even if it is only over a little poo disturber like Assange.

So to recap: Julian Assange is asking Ecuador to protect his human rights.  This is a country that’s had more than a few problems with military coups, juntas and presidential musical chairs (not to mention a number of governments who suspended the constitution just because they didn’t like it.)  And who is he asking for protection from?  Great Britain, Sweden and (probably, eventually) the United States, three of the most stable democracies in human history.  Am I the only one ODing on irony here?

The Commonwealth: Use Your Imagination

Deep in the afterglow of an incredible Olympic Games and a rekindled British spirit, there’s talk around the campfire that maybe the Commonwealth isn’t just a quaint affectation of a used-up Super Power.  In fact, no less an illustrian than ex-Canadian and convicted felon Conrad Black has run the idea of a resurrected Commonwealth up the international flagpole to see if anybody bothers to salute.  It’s a curious notion that isn’t going to get a lot of attention, but maybe it should.

In theory, The Commonwealth is the natural devolution of the British Empire – a collection of states bound together by (if nothing else) a common colonial experience.  These states share a tradition of British law, parliamentary democracy, education and language.  They are, in reality, and according to Commonwealth doctrine “not [entirely] foreign to each other.”  So much for theories.  In truth, the Commonwealth is an organization (and I know I’m going to get some emails about this) badly in need of a purpose.  What good it does do around the world goes largely unnoticed, and most people assume it’s just a holding tank for stodgy old colonials, with a few dusty monarchists congealing on the side.  Realistically, the Commonwealth simply does not swim where the big boys feed.  It has neither the infrastructure, the management nor the common direction to heft any weight internationally.  It’s only raison d’etre seems to be to voice a few high-minded principles and host the Commonwealth Games.

The weird thing is, however, an invigorated Commonwealth actually makes a lot of sense.  Look around.  Who takes the United Nations seriously anymore – aside from guys like Chavez and Mugabe?  Even Obama works around them when he feels the need.  OPEC is permanently attached to their petro-dollars, and the Arab League isn’t interested in anything beyond the Middle East and whatever anti-Israeli rhetoric is flavour-of-the-week.  Meanwhile, the European experiment is rapidly turning brown, and the Euro itself is on the verge of folding up like a cheap lawn chair.  If Merkel and Hollande can’t find some common ground soon, this time next year, this planet’s largest economic unit might be slowly sliding into the Mediterranean.

On the other economic hand, four of the sixteen largest GDPs in the world belong to Commonwealth nations.  In total, the Commonwealth has a combined Gross Domestic Product of over ten trillion dollars.  That’s second only to the EU and the USA.  It has a population of 2.1 billion — which makes it the largest single organization in history.  Folks, that’s enough purchasing power to get a discount outta WalMart!  Merely turning the Commonwealth into a Free Trade Zone without any other added economic attractions — would be like hitting the world economy with a double dose of adrenalin and a Red Bull™ chaser.  Whatever recession the IMF had in mind – forget about it.  It would be over instantaneously.  Individually, the Commonwealth states have enough natural and human resources to feed, clothe and power the world.  As a single economic unit with proper development and a little imagination, there is simply no limit to what it can accomplish.

Actually, the idea of a super-economy, built out of the British Empire, is an old one.  It’s a 19th century philosophy that found its voice in Joseph Chamberlain, a Victorian Era politician.  His idea was to form the Empire into a closed shop, eliminating trade barriers within the British Empire but erecting tariff walls around it.  Forged as a single economic unit, the Empire would generate immense internal wealth and secure Britain’s position as the world’s only superpower for another century.

Unfortunately, Chamberlain never convinced the British government to step away from its policy of free trade.  As early as 1910, the balance of British trade was beginning to tilt away from the Empire in favour of America (with a corresponding outflow of cash.)  Four decades of that — and a couple of expensive world wars — and Britain simply couldn’t afford its empire anymore.  A simplistic view I’ll grant you, but true all the same.

Very soon, empires will no longer be political; they’ll be economic.  The Commonwealth has the potential to be history’s greatest superpower, but don’t hold your breath.  There are too many national egos involved.  But mostly economists don’t make policy; politicians do.  Unfortunately, they have neither the imagination nor the political will to make something as radical as a non territorial political entity work.

Olympics: A Postpartum World

The Olympics are over, and for those of us who have been going solid walls of TV coverage for the last two weeks, there’ll be a day or two of decompression – postpartum depression, if you will.  Since there’s only one way to “get the athlete off your back” and that’s going cold turkey, there will be some minor side effects.  They might include (but are not limited to) engaging in meaningless tests of skill with your friends or relatives, listening to various national anthems on YouTube and experiencing an uncontrollable urge to visit Jamaica.  Not to worry, though: these cravings will pass with time, and normal (whatever that is) will happen again, whether you like it or not.  Good luck!

Incredible as it seems, while you and I were gone, the world was carrying on without us.  Ironically, just as Team GB (Great Britain, for the uninitiated) was proving it could still run with the big boys, David Cameron’s coalition government was showing some serious signs of Banana Republic instability.  Davey boy needs to get his political house in order before the Olympic honeymoon‘s over, or he’s going to be relegated to shouting insults from the other side of the aisle.  Bad as that seems, Europe’s problemo numero uno is still the red ink that’s hemorrhaging out of Greece, Italy and Spain.  It’s obvious that the cozy relationship Angela Merkel had with her Gallic neighbours died when the French people au revoir-ed Sarkozy in May.  Angie better start cracking the Euro whip, or, overwhelmed by his own ideology, newly-minted French president Francois Hollande is going to try retrofitting his 20th century politics into Europe’s 21st century problems.  The last thing Europe needs right now is another dose of what got them into this mess in the first place!

Meanwhile, over in the desert, Bashar al-Assad is going for the gold as Syria’s candidate for dick-tator of the year.  At last count, he had out-Mubarak-ed Mubarak, and with the help of his Iranian buddy Ahmadinejad, was going for the full Gaddafi.  Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t we just slap the crap out of Muammar for half the malfeasance this guy is getting away with?  Assad is hanging onto power in Syria by his eyebrows, and if he thinks his friends in Tehran are going to pull his almonds out of the fire, he ought to give his head a shake.  As of the massacre in Aleppo, the only way Assad is going to end his days is Syria is getting dragged through the streets of Damascus in his underwear — and there’s nothing he can do about it.  Prolonging the agony is not going to save him.

It’s not all bad news, though: in America, Mitt Romney has named his running mate, Paul Ryan.  Ryan is a game changer.  Suddenly, the American presidential election is a whole lot more than just uber-cool Obama versus Massachusetts’ answer to The Man from Glad™.  It’s now a campaign of ideas.  Finally, somebody’s going to have to start talking about all the red ink America’s been accumulating (I’m looking at you, Barack) and offer something more than “hope” as a solution.  This may be the first time — ever — that an incumbent president had to run against the other party’s vice-presidential choice!  But what the hell!  We may even get beyond Wheatley versus Pedro (ala Napoleon Dynamite.)  Who knows?

Tons of other stuff happened while you and I were watching Usain Bolt dismantle the record books and rebuild them in his own image.  For example, somebody discovered a huge island floating in the Pacific, north of New Zealand.  It’s called a ‘pumice raft,” and it’s made of coagulated rocks from an undersea volcano.  Apparently, this thing is as big as Belgium!  And, oh yeah: the Americans went interplanetary again and landed a rover on Mars.  The pictures are fantastic.

So, don’t get too bothered about your Olympic hangover.  There’s plenty of other things going on in the world.  Besides — football season starts in less than three weeks, and the World Series is right around the corner.