WD Fyfe

A Sideways Glare at Contemporary Society

Ten “Unanswerable” Questions

tenInternet search engines Ask and, in Britain, Ask Jeeves have compiled a top 10 List of “unanswerable” questions.  Apparently this list is based on over a billion queries made on the site since it started in 2000.  What a joke!  These questions are totally answerable.  In fact, they’re easy.  Easy Peasy!  Try it!  First the questions, then the questions with the answers.  Don’t cheat.

Top 10 “UNANSWERABLE” questions.

1. What is the meaning of life?

2. Is there a God?

3. Do blondes have more fun?

4. What is the best diet?

5. Is there anybody out there?

6. Who is the most famous person in the world?

7. What is love?

8. What is the secret to happiness?

9. Did Tony Soprano die?

10. How long will I live?

Now the answers:

1. What is the meaning of life?

There is no meaning.  Human beings are just techno-termites, toiling away at our structures, whether they be monster buildings in China and Vegas or virtual agriculture in Farmville and Pioneer Trail.

2. Is there a God?

Of course!  Do you really believe people like Glenn Beck and Lindsay Lohan are the result of millions of years of natural selection?

3. Do blondes have more fun?ten1

Only the women, even though the real ones all seem to hate it.  Guys who are blonde are miserable and spend their time in California flexing their pecs and waiting for that big earthquake to clean them off the planet.

4. What is the best diet?

Are you kidding?  The Mediterranean Diet – tons of salad and bread, 600 kinds of pasta, 300 kinds of sauce, every cheese known to human race including pamasano and if that isn’t good enough for ya there’s tons of pizza and a bottomless wine bottle and – oh yeah – you get gelato at the end of it all and a shot of Limoncino.  Like Jenny Craig can compete with that

5. Is there anybody out there?

There are billions of galaxies in the universe, each one of them has billions of stars and each one of them has at least four or five planets revolving around them.  Do the math and that’s several billion3, a number so big even Stephen Hawkings doesn’t understand it.  Furthermore, since the universe is billions of years old it’s a virtual certainty that something came crawling out of the primeval ooze somewhere (even by accident) and evolved into intelligent life.  Therefore, yes, there is definitely somebody out there.  However, the Area 51/Roswell/Alien autopsy/U.F.O. Conspiracy folks are still idiots because the real unanswerable question is: why would any intelligent life, capable of intergalactic travel, journey several light years through directionless space to visit Dawna and Eddie in a trailer park in Nevada?   Especially since, the Dawna and Eddies of this world seldom remember to charge the batteries in their cameras and can’t figure out how to focus them when they do.

6. Who is the most famous person in the world?

Sorry, Kim and Kanye.  It’s Elvis

7. What is love?

It’s that delicious ache in the very pit of your stomach — often mistaken for lust.

8. What is the secret to happiness?

Sex and warm socks

9. Did Tony Soprano die?

Yes, but what most people don’t know is that Meadow takes over the family (ala Annalisa Zucca, the Italian crime boss from Napoli in Season Two.)  She tells Patrick Parisi to take a hike and brings Furio Giunta out of hiding in Italy to help her run the show.  She locks up her little brother in an extended care facility in New Mexico and then takes over what’s left of Phil Leotardo’s organization.

10. How long will I live?

Right up until the time you see that light at the end of the tunnel — or a couple seconds after you say, “Dude, hold my beer and watch this!” — whichever comes first.

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3 comments on “Ten “Unanswerable” Questions

  1. pouringmyartout
    August 2, 2013

    Wow… just wow…

  2. shelley
    August 2, 2013

    Nice!

  3. Pingback: Can you answer these unanswerable questions? | Questionzbuzz.com

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This entry was posted on August 2, 2013 by in Humor.
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