A Sideways Glare at Contemporary Society
I’m not in love with Martha Stewart or anything (that would be weird) but I’m a total sucker for Life Hacks — those simple little strategies that would organize my life. For example, if you pin your socks together when you wash them, the dryer won’t eat one — plus they’re already sorted and ready to go back into the sock drawer when they’re dry. This is a brilliant time saver. Full disclosure: I don’t pin my socks together — doing laundry is a big enough pain in the ass without dickin’ around with pins and socks. However, I know in my soul that if I did pin my socks together, my life would be way better.
And this sock situation is just the tip of the iceberg. I know there are thousands of people who take the time to place their electrical cords neatly in toilet rolls — for easy and convenient storage. They’ve colour-coded their closet to simplify their morning routine. They keep their pasta in brightly-labelled Pringles™ containers and have a pre-printed itemized grocery list tacked to a bulletin board they made from used wine corks. These are the people who show up for work in a re-purposed wardrobe, looking as if they just escaped from GQ magazine. They have a 12 grain healthy lunch they made the night before and a dozen hand-decorated cupcakes to share. They keep all their business junk in a cute little tote made from old ice cube trays and can find three different sizes of paper clips at a moment’s notice. I could be one of those people. I really could.
The problem is I never remember to save my old toilet rolls, or Pringles™ containers or any of the other bits of useless crap these Life Hackers are always using. I don’t have a handy supply of tacks, staples, string, wire, old picture frames, fabric, wool or canvas. I don’t have pinking shears, a sewing machine or a grommet maker, and I haven’t spent enough quality time with a hot glue gun to do more than glue my fingers together. Let’s face it, Life Hacking is an expensive proposition that takes a lot of time, effort and planning. So even though I know my salvation runs through toilet roll Purgatory, the fact is I’m too broke and too damn busy to actually get organized.