In a week when female Democrats applauded a speech by President Donald Trump how much weirder can our world get? Pretty weird!
A Russian court found a Danish man, Dennis Christensen, guilty of “organizing the activities of an extremist organization” and sentenced him to six years in prison. Dennis Christensen is a Jehovah’s Witness and his crimes were knocking on doors and handing out pamphlets – The Watchtower. I know Jehovah’s Witnesses can be annoying — but six years? Wow! That Putin just doesn’t take crap from anybody!
There was a brawl during a weekly bingo game at a seniors’ care facility (read Old Folks’ Home) in Ontario, Canada. Apparently, two women, aged 86 and 79, had a disagreement over the seating arrangements – both claimed the same chair. The argument took a nasty turn when one of the ladies threw a punch. Various friends, on both sides, leapt to the defense of the two combatants, and suddenly it was Wrestle-Mania – with dentures. Despite the valiant efforts of the staff to break up the melee, it escalated into a free-for-all with several of the seniors using their canes to get a few licks in. The police were called. They assessed the situation, and rather than wade into the donnybrook, they called for backup. Eventually, order was restored and even though there were a number of bumps and bruises, no charges were laid. However, afternoon bingo has been suspended indefinitely!
Some guy in Colorado was out jogging when he heard a noise behind him. He turned around and the first (and only) thing he saw was a mountain lion in full lunge with every intention of turning him into a Happy Meal™.
(Slight pause in the story.)
I live in Canada, so I’ve seen mountain lions (we call them cougars) and they are big and beautiful and the international symbol for “pee your pants” scary. If you’re not familiar, imagine your house cat with 35 kilos (75 lbs.) of extra muscle, teeth the size of your index finger, paws and claws the size of a dinner plate and no reason to control his instinct to kill.
Back to our tale – and this is the good bit.
Rather than screaming and dying a horrible, icky death, our boy had the presence of mind to fight back. In fact, he went total Tarzan, somehow managed to get Mr. Mountain Lion in a choke hold and hang on until kitty — was kitty litter. The guy killed a mountain lion – WITH HIS BARE HANDS! (Yeah, yeah, yeah! We all feel sorry for the cat, but nobody in their right mind wants to experience the primeval food chain up close and that personal – so good on ya, buddy!) Anyway, scratched, torn, bitten and chewed on, he still managed to get himself to a hospital where they stitched him back together. Damn!
The thing is though, this man is suddenly on top of the testosterone ladder. He’s got the best after-dinner story of all time.
“So, Bob, what do you do?”
“I’m an accountant and in my spare time … I kill mountain lions – with my bare hands!”
“You’re lookin’ pretty fit there, Bob. You work out?”
“Yeah, I do a little jogging and … kill mountain lions – with my bare hands!”
I don’t even know the guy and I’d buy him a couple of beers just to hear the story.
It might be the middle of winter — snowy, cold and miserable — but never mind the weather: it’s been a weird week. And it’s a safe bet there’s going to be a few more before spring. So, sit back, pour a hot beverage of your choice and enjoy them!