WD Fyfe

A Sideways Glare at Contemporary Society

A Few Definitions


English is a wonderful language.  It works like a river, flowing along, constantly changing and always finding its own level.  Words appear and disappear.  Definitions change.  Meanings mutate.  And, yet, we all kinda understand each other.  To that end, here are a few definitions that might not appear in any dictionary, but I’m sure you’ll recognize them, all the same.

Tomorrow – A place where all human activity and productivity is stored.

Calories – Nasty little creatures who live in your closet and eat the sizes off your clothes.

Avoidance Behaviour – The somewhat boring stuff we do when we have more important boring stuff to do.

Internet – An essential tool of avoidance behaviour.

Pockets – Those things that fashion designers have been denying women for centuries.

Leftovers – Food that lives in the refrigerator for a while– before you throw it out.

Selfies – Photographs of people who have no friends.

Full-length Mirror – A rather useful item when you have clothes on that turns remarkably evil when you’re naked.

Shower – A place to hold imaginary arguments and sing songs that were popular when you were a teenager.

Bae – A stupid, made-up, millennial word that doesn’t mean anything.

Wikipedia – The arbitrator of all arguments.

Exercise – Sometimes pronounced “extra fries,” depending on your self-esteem that day.

Man Bun – A one-size-fits-all way to look ridiculous.

Junk Food – Stuff that everybody eats but nobody admits it.

4 In The Morning – An elusive place where the truth lives.

Family – People who know too much about you to be your friends.

Lottery Tickets – A tax on people who can’t do math.

YouTube – Moving pictures that eat time.

And my favourite:

Vegans – People who announce the menu when nobody’s even thinking about food.

6 comments on “A Few Definitions

  1. Rob Alberts
    April 9, 2019

    I would like to buy the complete dictionary.
    But please in an alphabettical order …

    Kind regards,

    • wdfyfe
      April 9, 2019

      Coming soon — a spot in time that remains vaguely in the future. cheers

  2. CJ Hartwell
    April 10, 2019

    I second Rob Alberts request, with an added plea that you write a book on 4 in the Morning.

    • wdfyfe
      April 10, 2019

      A great conspiracy expose!

  3. Claudette
    April 13, 2019

    I so get “leftovers” and “full length mirror”. I wonder if there is a connection there? Nah, must be those “calories”.

    • wdfyfe
      April 13, 2019

      and the calories are connected to the leftovers and the leftovers are connected to the mirror and the mirror’s connected to the OMG and the world keeps going round!

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This entry was posted on April 9, 2019 by in Culture, Humor, Humour, Writing & Books and tagged , , , .
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