I’m Back — With The News

Wanna know how fast our planet is spinning these days?  Check this out!  I stepped away from cyberspace for 5 weeks to write fiction, and by the time I got back – OMG!  Tons of stuff had happened.  Here’s just a sample.

As of Wednesday, there was a spike in unemployment in America when all the political cartoonists, comedians, late night talk show hosts and Alec Baldwin suddenly had nothing to do.

And the brand-new President Biden has a big task ahead of him – fixing the divisions in America.  Meanwhile, Vice President Harris’ job is a little simpler – just wake up every morning and say, “How ya feeling, Joe?”

In other political news, about a week ago, the entire Dutch government resigned.  Yep, you read that right!  Basically, Dutch PM Mark Rutte stood up before God and everybody and said, “Sorry, folks!  We screwed things up, and honestly, we don’t deserve to run the show anymore, so we’re all going to quit.”  Wow!  Some cynics are suggesting this was just a PR move, but think about it!  If this idea catches on, there’s going to be a lot of unemployed politicos in the near future. 

Even though it hasn’t made the news recently, the girls of Belarus are still beating the protest drums in Minsk, and self-proclaimed bad guy President Lukashenko is still beating them up when they do.  But the International Ice Hockey Federation has cancelled a tournament that was supposed to take place there this summer.  That should bring the bastard to his knees!

And speaking of sports, apparently, NBA used-to-be Charles Barkley is convinced that professional athletes should be first in line for the Covid-19 vaccine.  His reasoning is that they pay a lot more taxes than the rest of us do.  I like Sir Charles, but I think he’s kinda lost the plot here.  Given a choice between my doctor and Neal Pionk, a 25-year-old kid from Omaha who plays defence in the NHL, I’m going with Dr. Kathy — every time.

Danish bankers have shot themselves in the foot by offering 20 year home mortgages at 0% interest.  Does that even make any sense?  Meanwhile, money lenders all over the world are saying WTF?  This is the kinda thing that could put local loan sharks out of business permanently.  Oh well, just another casualty of Covid-19, I guess!

Some guy climbed a skyscraper in Hong Kong.  No big deal, right?  Except this guy was in a wheelchair.  I’m all for “be all you can be,” but for the life of me, I can’t figure out why anyone (wheelchair or no) would challenge gravity to a duel over a busy street of unforgiving concrete. (Personally, I hold the banister when I go down stairs.)

And finally:

It was 100 years ago last week that magician PT Selbit first performed the trick of “sawing a woman in half,” and illusionists all over the world celebrated this milestone event.  Actually, I’m totally surprised this one got past the kiddies at Cancel Culture.  After all, it’s got all the elements they love to hate.  First of all, taking a bucksaw to a woman’s torso is definitely inappropriate.  Secondly, this is another example of women doing all the work and men getting all the credit.  Finally, and probably most egregious, magic is fun, and we all know how those grim-faced buggers down at Cancel Culture hate fun.  Call me a little kid, but I still think magic is cool!

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