Author: wdfyfe

Before WD called himself a writer, he worked at a number of different jobs from stacking lumber to interior design. He studied English at UBC and creative writing at ASU where one of his teachers, Rita Dove, taught him the importance of the tale. He has written for radio, magazines and newspapers, but never television. He’s published both fiction and nonfiction in Great Britain and the US. He reads French passably and speaks enough Spanish to get from A to B and find the toilet. He has interviewed John Cleese, Peter Ustinov, Margaret Drabble, Kenneth Branagh and enough other famous people to make him a hopeless name dropper. His not-so-secret passions are history and trivia, and he has never lost a game of Trivial Pursuit — although he did come 4th one drunken Quiz Night at the Uxbridge in Notting Hill. He lives on the Pacific Ocean, although, not close enough to see, so he spends his days looking at a computer screen. It’s a wonderful life and he has only one regret: he can’t type faster.

Paris IS Burning — Again

parisThere is no “why” for the murderous violence in Paris.  I’m sick of the excuses.  No amount of poverty, unemployment, Islamophobia, neo-colonialism, “he hit me, first,” corporate greed, cheap oil or anything else ad infinitum, can justify this crime against humanity.  It’s like trying to find out why a rape victim was asking for it.  No, there is no pie-in-the-sky “why.”  There’s only the reality.  And we, in the West, better start living in the real world or our children, and our children’s children, and their children are going to be mopping up blood on the Rue Mouffetard, de Kalverstraat, Hackescher Markt, Times Square, Piccadilly Circus etc. etc. etc. forever.

This is the reality.

Western society has been so benevolent for so long we no longer believe evil exists in the world.  We think it’s something fascists made up to piss us off.  We’re even afraid to say it out loud, type it on social media or even think it might be true.  Get over it!  If there’s another name for a person who wantonly pumps high calibre bullets into the back of a fleeing teenager, I’d like to hear it.

This is war.  There have been hundreds of terrorist attacks on our cities and our citizens since 9/11.  This is not outrage boiling over into random acts of violence.  These are methodical and coordinated assaults on our way of life.  The jihadists want to fight.  It’s time to quit wasting time and energy trying to figure out why — and accommodate them.

This is not a war on Islam.  Quit saying that!  Use your head!  When Anders Breivik started shooting in Utoya, Norway, we didn’t declare war on Lutherans, for God’s sake.  Portraying this as a war against Islam only emboldens the politically correct among us to turn up the volume on how misguided our society must be.

This is total war.  The jihadists have one goal: the destruction of Western civilization, and we’re not going to TALK them out of it.  They’re not going to stop.  There is no negotiated peace.  No amount of appeasement will satisfy their thirst for our destruction.  It’s either fight — or die.  Choose!

The Age of Reason is barely two hundred years old.  On the line of human history, it is a young and fragile ideology.  It isn’t even fully formed yet, but already it has given us pluralism, the rule of law, personal liberty, tolerance, representative democracy and a ton of other good things.  It’s worth preserving.  For more than a decade, The Age of Reason has been under attack by people who profess to hate its tenets (if they even understand them in the first place.)  It’s time to fight these people with more than sadness, speeches, tears and clichés.  It’s time to step forward and protect our way of life.  And if you don’t think The Age of Reason is worth fighting for, then get the hell out of the way so somebody else can do it for you.

Friday: How To Win The War

*image — Sputnik News

FRIDAY THE 13TH

friday the 13thFriday the 13th is written in a language we don’t like to speak anymore.  It comes from a time when the world was lit only by fire, and just beyond the reach of the flames, the darkness was real.  A vast living black, it sent its shadows to the edge of our light to watch us and whisper and wait.  It was a time when evil didn’t sleep, and if we were careless. it would creep closer and we could feel its bone-cold chill touching at our clothes.  Friday the 13th was born when luck was a marvel and a mischief, and we still believed there were things that we couldn’t see.  Because that’s what all superstitions are: the unseen faith that we are not helpless in the face of overwhelming darkness.

These days, we are bloated with science, blinded with light and deafened by our own noise.  We live by the reflected glow of our technology and think our vast machines will keep the darkness at bay indefinitely.  But the truth is we have a cultural memory of the old gods.  In the cold, dark soul of 4 o’clock in the morning, we still answer to them.  We might not like it — or even consciously know it — but we still believe that they offer us luck, but they can also take it away.  Superstitions, like Friday the 13th, remind us that the old gods are still there and that:
“There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” (Hamlet.I.5)
None of our contemporary arrogance can change that because even though we might not be afraid of the dark anymore, we’re still afraid of what’s in it.

The Power of “BUT”

butThe most powerful word in the English language is “but.”  It’s a grammatical Liam Neeson with a very particular set of skills that kicks ass.  It’s way better than that greedy little “and” who’s always looking for something extra the minute he shows up.  And, don’t get me started on “or:” grammar’s Hamlet, who couldn’t make a decision if his life depended on it.  No, for sheer conjunctional word power, go with “but” every time.  Here’s why:

1 – “but” sugarcoats the punch in the face — When you want to rip somebody a new one but you don’t want them to get so angry they go home and get a shotgun, throw in a “but.”  For example: “Jennifer, you are one of our most valued employees, conscientious and hard-working, BUT you have the math skills of a goat, and if you don’t get with it, I’m going to fire you so hard your grandchildren will be unemployed.”

2 – “but” pleads your case — When you know you screwed up and you’re looking around for something else to blame, use “but.”  Once again: “I know I drove your car into the side of that guy’s house, BUT you didn’t tell me it had sticky brakes when I borrowed it.”

And if you play #2 correctly…

3 – “but” can even get you off the hook — “Normally, I’d pay for the repairs to your car, BUT if it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have ever known about those bad brakes.  Actually, I did you a big favour.”

Also

4 – “but” lets us look on the bright side — When your situation seems about as bleak as the slums of Mordor, try “but” to turn the lemon into lemonade.  “Hey, bro!  Sorry I had sex with your wife and your little sister last month after your birthday party, BUT they both phoned today, and guess what?  They’re not pregnant.  Cool, huh?”

And finally the most badass tool of all:

5 – nothing important ever gets said until someone says “but.” — In any conversation, discussion or argument, you can discount everything that’s said before “but.”  In fact, you don’t even have to listen.  Check it out:

“I understand your point of view, but only the part that happened before you opened your mouth.”
“Of course I agree, but not enough to quit arguing with you.”
“That’s an interesting opinion, but I’m not all that familiar with LooneyTunes cartoons.”
“Certainly, this current refugee problem is a crisis of biblical proportion and Western governments have a moral obligation to offer as much assistance as possible but what are all these gypsies, tramps and thieves doing in my country?”
“I like pasta, too, but there’s no way I’m eating that Italian glue tonight.”
“I’m not a racist but, man, those people are weird.”
“I love you dearly, but if you leave the toilet seat up one more time, I’m going to shoot you in the head.”
Etc. etc. etc.

So here’s to you, “but,” you sassy little conjunction!  Thanks for always being there for us.