Tag: Life goes on

The World Keeps Turning – II

hold my beer

Here in isolation, we’re all finding creative ways to cope with social distancing.  I’ve started talking to the telemarketers.  Charlie from One World TechCom is nice; he just had a baby.  So, the world keeps turning.  Here are just a few things that happened this week.

A couple of days ago, supply outstripped demand and the price of crude oil fell below zero.  Let me give that to you again – BELOW ZERO.  In other words, oil companies were paying people to cart the stuff away.  One wonders how the international markets handled this.  After all, oil has been the price of doing business on this planet since the Saudis first held us hostage back in 1973.  (Shoe’s on the other foot now, huh, Salman?)  I can’t wait until Samsung starts giving away a free barrel of oil with every purchase of a big screen TV.

Travellers in Canada are now required to wear masks in airports and on all flights – foreign and domestic.  Hold it!  I can’t go across the street to get my hair cut because it’s a non-essential journey, and somebody is jetting off to somewhere because … Why?  Where could they possibly be going?  For God sake, the entire planet’s closed — except the factories in Wuhan, China.  And, trust me, you can get any of the junk they’re manufacturing delivered from Amazon.

And speaking of China, Missouri is suing China because they allege the Chinese government willfully “lied to the world and silenced whistleblowers” about Covid-19.  Good luck with that!  Folks!  You’re suing a country that has a couple of million Muslims in re-education camps, has armed troops all over Tibet, kicks the crap out of Hong Kong protesters every weekend, threw a Nobel Prize winner in jail and regularly conducts organ transplants where the Falun Gong donors are not notified.  I doubt very much if a subpoena from the Show Me state is going to carry any weight.

And finally:

Chutzpah has a new World Champion.  Apparently, Sir Richard Branson, the Grand Poobah of Virgin Everything, is in financial difficulties.  His various airlines are going broke.  In fact, it’s gotten so bad that Branson has offered his private Caribbean island, Necker, as collateral for a $500 million UK government loan.  This is a dire situation.  However, let’s review the facts.  Forbes estimates Sir Richard’s net worth is somewhere north of 5 billion dollars.  He doesn’t pay any tax on it cuz he lives in the Virgin Islands where he moved a couple of years after he was convicted of tax evasion.  He owns everything with a Virgin label on it and has enough money to build a spaceship (LauncherOne.)  That’s right!  A spaceship!  However, he figures that to keep all this going, he needs UK taxpayers to pony up some big bucks.  Hey, Dick!  Here’s an idea: use some of your own money and bail yourself out — that’s what the rest of us are doing.

The World Keeps Turning

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It’s been about a month since Covid-19 fell on our world like a pack of wolves on a flock of sheep.  Fortunately, humans are an adaptable species and we are beginning to adjust to the new “normal.”  Here are just a few examples of what THE NEW NORMAL looks like.

A tiger at the Bronx zoo tested positive for Covid-19.  Wow, I didn’t see that one coming!  But I’ve got a few rhetorical questions.  Why, in a time of medical shortage and emergency, would anyone take the time and trouble to test a tiger?  Who thought it was necessary?  Did they test all the animals, starting with aardvarks, or just the tigers?  If they only tested tigers, isn’t that species profiling?  Shouldn’t all the cat people be going Twitter-Nutsy right now?  And finally, what’s the big deal?  It’s been my experience that maintaining a safe social distance from a full grown tiger is pretty much common sense.

The mayor of Baltimore called on the street gangs of his city to quit shooting each other because the medical facilities were needed to combat the virus.  The gangs, taking their social responsibility seriously, stepped up and called a truce for the duration.  I guess everybody’s got to do their part in these troubled times.

The BBC reported that, in response to a worldwide pandemic that has ripped apart the lives of billions of people on 6 continents, bankrupted millions and killed close to 100,000 – so far — the city of Shenzhen is taking action.  They are about to become the first city in China to ban the eating of dogs and cats.  The ban isn’t happening right now, but will take effect on May 1st because – uh — restaurants and grocery stores still have them in stock?  A lot of people have already booked the barbeque?  Who knows?  Actually there’s no logical reason for a 30 day delay in this legislation (it’s not like anybody in China gets a vote!) but, you’ve been warned: if you want to have Rover over for dinner, in Shenzhen, you better do it soon.  And the Chinese authorities are not fooling around either.  Apparently, there will be some pretty steep fines for Kung Pao Kitten.  So, after May one, anybody with a craving for pet food is going to have to get their ass outside the city limits – end of story.

Several countries have decided not to participate in the Covid-19 pandemic.  Most of these are remote Pacific Island nations like Nauru, Tuvalu and Vanuatu– which makes sense, because they’re all self-isolated by thousands of kilometres of water.  Then, there are other countries like Yemen where the leading causes of death are gunshot wounds and suicide bombers, so a persistent cough is not going to get anybody a lot of hospital time.  But the two places that beggar my imagination are Turkmenistan and North Korea.  They both have boldly declared that they simply do not have any cases of Covid-19.  None!  Okay, Turkmenistan I can kinda understand: I had to Google it just to find out where it was — so I doubt it, but maybe. . . .   However … North Korea?  It shares a land border with China, the biggest bogyman hiding under the pandemic bed; their economies are intimately connected, and thousands of people go back and forth across the border every day.  What are the chances?  Unless, of course, the Glorious Leader, Kim Jong whatever-his-name-is stood on the Yalu River, drove a spear into the Earth and shouted, (in his best Gandalf voice) “Go back to the shadows. You shall not pass!” and the virus turned around and went home.  Given all the other batshit-crazy stuff coming out of that country, sounds legit!