WD Fyfe

A Sideways Glare at Contemporary Society

Stupid is as Stupid does

I’m probably singing to the choir, but I’m going to say — flat out — Canada is extraordinary.  It’s unique.  It’s exceptional.  Our country sits on the pinnacle of what nations have been trying to achieve ever since Hammurabi went to Law School.  We’ve got so much stuff we don’t even know what to do with half of it.  We’ve got stuff we just look at.  We throw away more stuff than a lot of other countries have to begin with.  And we’re stinkin’ rich, too — not just Bill Gates rich, either.  We could buy Gates and make him tapdance at birthday parties if we wanted to.  When you’re born in Canada, you’re already worth $40,000 — and that’s just for showing up.  Several years ago, Jean Chretien’s government lost (LOST!) a billion dollars, and nobody cared.  Jean just told Parliament he’d look around for it.  He never did find it, but still — nobody cared.   Canadians are so outrageously wealthy we don’t even take our money seriously.  We call it “the Loonie,” for Christ sake.

So, you’re probably wondering, why, if we have all this stuff and we’re so rich, how come we have poor people and homeless people and bad roads and huge taxes and all the other crap we have to put up with every day?  Simple answer?  We’re stupid.  And we’re not just “I lost my keys on the bus” stupid, either; we’re “Other countries are laughing at us” stupid.  If Dumb-Ass were an Olympic event, Canada would literally own the podium.  We’ve had so much money for so long that we don’t even bother keeping track of it, anymore.  For example, we just gave over $9,000.00 to a convicted cop-killer because the prison guards violated his civil rights by making him stand during roll call.  And do you know that Canada owns a huge apartment in Paris?  If you’re an artist who knows the right people, you can go live there — for nothing — and the Canadian taxpayer will pick up the tab.  These are just two teeny examples.  There are tons more because — believe it or not — we actually pay people hundreds of thousands of dollars every year to go to work and figure out ways to give our money away.  And here’s the knee to the groin: they are probably the most efficient government department we have because we give away (GIVE AWAY!) hundreds of millions of dollars every year.  Pretty stupid, huh?  Maybe, but merely giving our money away is not the stupidest thing Canadians do – not by a long shot. 

In all of human history, since the very first person walked on two legs, Canada is the only country ever, which actually gives money to people who want to destroy it.  Every year, all of us proud Canadians, who wave the flag, sing the song and kinda like the country we live in, give a couple of million dollars in political subsidies to the Bloc Quebecois, whose avowed purpose on earth is to destroy Canada.  Think about it.  Now imagine the conversation between two Afghanis in Kandahar when a Canadian soldier walks by.

“Who’s that guy?”
“He’s a Canadian.”
“What he like?”
“He’s a nice guy, but he’s stupid.”
“I thought the Americans were stupid?”
“Not as stupid as this guy.  He’s so stupid, while he’s away, he’s paying people to wreck his country.”
“What?  Doesn’t he like his country?”
“No, he loves it.  You should hear him talk about it.  He wishes he was there, right now.”
“Is there something wrong with his country?”
“Nope, not a thing.  It’s a great place.  In fact, people from all over the world are clamoring to get in.”
“Wow!  That is stupid.”
“Told ya.”

Variations on this conversation are going on all over the world.  The major difference is the Afghanis are at least polite enough not to pee their pants laughing.  Just imagine what guys like Berlusconi are saying about us.  It’s no wonder nobody takes Canada seriously anymore.  Quite frankly, how could they?  Giving tax money to the Bloc Quebecois is like Louis XVI of France saying to Robespierre, “Look, Maximilien! I know you’re broke but I’m going to give you a couple of million francs every year so, some day, you can start the French Revolution and eventually cut off my head.”  What Cloud Cuckcooland have we fallen into?

And to put some icing on the Stupid Cake, there has never been a major protest against this lunacy — anywhere — from sea to shining sea.  In fact, there are people in this country who defend political subsidies because they say they’re “Good for democracy.”  I have no idea how that works.  From my point of view, people who want to destroy the close to 200 years of hard work it took to get us all this cool stuff aren’t good for very much, and paying them to do it is just – well – stupid. 

But — politics aside — let’s just look at the money.  Taxpayers pay $27 million in political subsidies every year.  That’s chump change to the Canadian government.  However, if we were to take all that money and buy chicken, we could give a 10-piece bucket to over 10,000 homeless people every day, forever – for all eternity.  And I imagine with an order that big, KFC would throw in the Pepsi.  So, who needs the money more: Gilles Duceppe or that kid digging in your dumpster?  Think about it.

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4 comments on “Stupid is as Stupid does

  1. B.J. Vandale
    January 17, 2011

    I’ve thought about this all day, yes I have to admit Canadians are stupid when it comes to money. Most of us know what is going on but all (including myself) do nothing about it. We all sit around and talk about it but nothing is done. The only time I have really seen Canadians passionate about something was when I watched the Winter Olympics of 2010 and if I remember correctly the rest of the world thought the whole country had gone mad. We live in a “Excuse me, Pardon me” country. I am proud to be a Canadian but we are a country that tends to be walked on because of the fact we are not demonstrative. We do not demonstrate for things that are really important like money. We let people into our country that should not be allowed out of their own country and when they get here, without the proper papers, I might add, we start to throw money at them as if it is their God given right to be here and demand what they want. As far as I’m concerned and this is only my opinion, instead of giving money to the Bloc Quebecois give them an alternative, live within the country as Canadians like the rest of us or cut them loose. Let the Government in power take it to the people – “Do you want to be Canadian and live in Canada as part of this great country or do you want to pack your bags and get out because this is Canada and if you don’t like it move on, there is no more money coming your way. Will this ever happen I doubt it, will Canadians ever demand it, I doubt it. As Canadian people we will move on as we always have, with our bad roads, money for cop-killer, rebate of government funds for inmates and dead people. What can we do about it, I have no idea, I guess what has to happen is WD and others like him write more articles about this very subject and make a lot more people aware of the situation.

  2. amoriarty
    January 17, 2011

    Bill, is it mostly the arts you’re talking about here?
    I think the truthy devil is in the details; there are pretty solid reasons why a government might support arts (and radical ideas?) over KFC for the homeless.
    And as for “we ” Canadians who “give” stuff away, the details probably have something to do with the pesky rule of law and civilized society and crap like that.
    But point taken.
    And very entertaining.

  3. B.J. Vandale
    January 17, 2011

    I never thought of it in that contexts. Something to think about. Point well taken.

  4. oldhoncho
    January 18, 2011

    well I promised myself that I wouldn’t comment again on your perceptions, but can’t ignore this one; never mind the fact it took u a whole page to get to the point
    the folks in PQ that want to seperate from the rest of Canada should be charged with treason, & the folks in the rest of Canada should be flogged with something that will give them an ejaculation into the assholes that form our government
    but I must add that any country that claims to be a democracy & allows government control by less than 50% of the people should be moved into one of those countries that have no consideration of people power

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This entry was posted on January 17, 2011 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , .
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