A Sideways Glare at Contemporary Society
It was one night from Christmas, and Edward the mouse
Was dreaming mouse dreams in his tiny mouse house.
He dreamt of his presents tucked under the tree:
A skateboard, an iPad and an Android 3G
Some new Uggs, Adidas and Old Navy jeans,
Just like all of the ads that he’d seen on TV
Little mouse trains and hi-def PVRs
Posters and iPods and little mouse cars.
He snuggled in bed as on his dream went,
For his e-mail to Santa had been promptly sent.
And to help Santa’s weight, he left five carrots sticks
And sugar-free soda to wash them down with.
Now Edward the mouse wasn’t greedy, you see,
But he’d been a good mouse (or at least, tried to be)
He’d done everything right and taken great care.
Now Christmas was here and he wanted his share.
Then the digital clock that sat by his head
Shone midnight, and Edward awoke in his bed.
The oddest of sounds, thought Edward, and then
He listened quite hard and he heard it again.
It sounded like someone was out by the tree,
So Edward got out of his bed just to see.
He tiptoed around and he took just one peek
And what he saw there would make any mouse squeak:
Santa Claus! – was holding one carrot stick out
To one of his reindeer who chomped it right down
“Oh my Gosh!” said Edward the mouse right out loud
When Santa heard that – well, he turned right around
And said, “What have we here? A mouse has slipped in.”
And the reindeer walked over and casually sniffed him.
Now Edward was frightened – he felt rather sick,
But Santa said, “Thank you for these carrot sticks.
My reindeer quite like them, as you probably know.
Myself, I like milk and fudge Oreos.
Now Edward mouse, you should be in your bed,
Not sneaking around here and squeaking instead.
But since you’re awake, come here and you’ll see
What present I’ll leave for you under the tree.”
Then Santa reached over and pulled from his sack
Gourmet Cheese in the Holiday Pack!
It had Muenster and Gouda and Natural Swiss
And one small salami (for flavour, I guess)
Edam and cheddar and something called Brie,
And little wheat crackers to go with the cheese.
It was wonderfully made and wrapped ever so nice,
Especially packaged for yuppies — and mice.
But Edward the mouse just stood there in shock.
This was nothing his little mouse mind ever thought:
No iPod? No skateboard? No Android 3G
So where was his Smart Phone? Oh, what could this mean?
He’d been a good mouse (or at least, tried to be.)
This was supposed to be Christmas all magic and dreams,
And Edward the mouse didn’t know what to say.
But Santa Claus smiled in his own special way.
He looked down at Edward and patted his head,
Twinkled his eyes, and quietly said,
“I know that you’ve seen all those ads on TV,
But what would a mouse do with Old Navy jeans?
The legs are too long and the pockets too deep.
Now I have to go, and you have to sleep
And on Christmas morning, Edward the mouse,
Got out of his bed in his tiny mouse house.
He ran for the tree and looked at his cheese
And never could ever a mouse be so pleased:
‘There’s more than enough cheese for me,” Edward said
“I’ll take it all out and share with my friends!
I’ll give them the Gouda, and Edam is nice.
Oh, they’ll be so pleased; they’ll be such happy mice!”
So he grabbed all the cheese and he left — just like that
(Of course, he remembered his coat and his hat)
But as he rushed out with the cheese he would share,
He’d forgotten the stocking he’d hung with such care.
So happy to give, our mouse didn’t know
There was one mouse-sized skateboard tucked into the toe.