One of the reasons our society is so relentlessly “slouching towards Bethlehem” is that we are surrounded by stupid stuff. I’m not talking about Slinky stupid or Jason (Justin?) Bieber useless; I’m talking about real WTF stuff that makes you shake your head like a paint mixer. Here are just a few examples:
1 – Camping
We have had ten millennia of invention, innovation and engineering whose sole purpose was (and still is) to put a wall between us and Mother Nature, who has a nasty tendency to beat up her children with rain, wind, heat, snow, tornadoes, earthquakes, hurricanes etc. etc. etc. So, why is camping considered fun-time recreation? The truth is: camping is just a very, very expensive way to pretend you’re homeless.
2 – Crotchless Panties
These are neither fish nor fowl. They’re not underwear — obviously — and lingerie is supposed to entice, nor reveal. So, what have you actually got? Funny looking! I don’t know anybody (male or female) who feels remotely sexy around crotchless panties. Besides, although I have no personal experience, they can’t be comfortable.
3 – YouTube Advertisements
Is there anybody on this planet who doesn’t click “Skip Ad” the nanosecond it shows up?
4 – Camouflage clothing
Unless you’re military personnel, and thus forced to wear it, camo clothing is not a fashion option. Here’s the deal: you’re sitting at a Starbucks on 49th Avenue. We can see you — clearly.
5 – Golf
I literally have nothing to say.
6 – Decaffeinated Coffee
Like low-fat ice cream and non-alcoholic beer, decaf coffee kinda defeats the purpose. We drink coffee for the caffeine: that’s why we drink it. If you want to avoid caffeine, maybe you shouldn’t drink this hot beverage in the first place. Honestly, drinking decaf coffee is like going to a whore for a hug.
7 – Bottled Water
We live in a society where, with one flick of the wrist, we have enough free water to take out that Pharaoh who was chasing Moses. (That’s hot and cold, 24/7 BTW.) Entire apartment complexes get flooded because some moron forgets (FORGETS!) to turn off the bath water. We have so much water available to us gratis, we pee in it. Why, under any circumstances, would anybody buy it?
8 – Miniature Doberman Pinschers
Doberman Pinschers are a noble animal. They are friendly, brave, fierce when provoked and loyal to a fault. They make great pets. However, shrink them down to the size of a chicken, and all you’ve got are evil mice.
9 – Mimes
Outside France, nobody likes mimes. These guys are the Ebola of the entertainment world. No bar, tavern, nightclub or cantina has ever promoted Mime Monday, for example. That would just be a good way to empty the joint. Mimes are just a little bit icky, and that whole leotard thing is close enough to obscene to warrant the name.
And this is just the tip of the iceberg!
WD Fyfe 