A Sideways Glare at Contemporary Society
I like women. This isn’t just heterosexual brag: I actually like the company of women. I was blessed with the coolest thing in the world — sisters — which, as everybody knows, are moms without the mean streak. So, I grew up with women. I understand that the battle for gender equality is more than just who puts the toilet seat where. However, I also know that women are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable traits that make them totally different from men. Folks, try as we might to commit gendercide on our society, the two sexes are different. Until we recognize that, there can be no equality. To that end, here are some inconvenient truths. (But always remember that stereotyping people is a dangerous practice– especially when it works.)
Male sexuality is a dart game. A man throws his darts. They penetrate the board. He adds up the score, mentally compares it to that of every other man on the planet and spends the rest of his life lying about it.
Female sexuality is a Rubik’s Cube. There are an infinite number of combinations, but only one or two actually solve the puzzle to anybody’s satisfaction. Playing with a Rubik’s Cube is both fascinating and frustrating — and addictive. And, BTW, just because you own the Cube doesn’t mean you know the correct combination.
Women see an elegant woman dining alone and think there must be a sad story there somewhere. Men, on the other hand, think, “What the hell! It’s worth a shot.”
Men see a handsome man dining alone and think “Gay.” Women, on the other hand, think. “Gay, but what the hell! It’s worth a shot.”
Women think weight loss is the first sign of a better life.
Men think weight loss the first sign of a terminal illness.
When women call each other “bitch,” ” skank,” or “whore,” they are angry.
When men call each other “ass wipe,” “crotch rot” or “numb nuts;” these are terms of endearment.
For men, women wearing Victoria’s Secret lingerie is sexy.
For women, an Armani suit is lingerie.
Men believe that PMS doesn’t actually exist and women are just naturally bitchy in varying degrees.
Women believe that PMS is a monthly pain in the ass that, when properly manipulated, becomes a super-convenient emotional “Get Out Of Jail Free” card.
Men think they have no idea what women want.
Meanwhile, women believe they know precisely what men need.
Both of them are wrong.