Okay! It’s two weeks into a new year and you’ve discovered 3 visits to the gym don’t qualify you for a bikini, no matter how positive you are; Jan, at work, is still an asshole, and if you don’t get some cookies soon, you’re going to punch somebody in the face — probably Jan. Life is hard, folks, and it’s even harder when you’re striving for perfection. But that’s the mistake we all make. We strive for perfection, especially at this time of year. But, here’s a tip: forget perfection! The only thing between you and that happy camper you want to be is stress. Shoot stress in the head and, believe me, perfection is never going to come up on the agenda again. So, in the spirit of Good Works (one of my New Year’s Resolutions) here are a few things that might be of assistance. Good luck!
Get out of bed — You’d be surprised how good a day you get when your morning doesn’t look like the Mad Hatter is having a two-for-one sale on crazy. Running out the door, 10 minutes late, with a hairbrush in one hand, a toothbrush in the other and your underwear on backwards is not the way to face the world. You need to sneak up on it — slowly — so give yourself some time to wake up in the morning and metaphorically put your underwear on properly.
Take 3 deep breaths — Unless you’re the President, the Pope or Vladimir Putin, there’s no situation you’re ever going face that won’t wait five minutes. Going straight at a problem might work at deadline time, but if you’re constantly letting things get that far, you’re already screwed. People need time to think. Besides, sometimes staring out the window for a while can give you a fresh perspective on why Jan is being such an obstructionist bitch.
Sex — Try to get beyond Date Night — but if that’s all ya got, make it the best Date Night ever!
Get some comedy — A steady diet of news, documentaries and PBS drama will kill ya. Laughing at a fat kid on YouTube getting beaned by a beach ball will cleanse your soul.
Forget about the last word — Arguments are part of life; turning every one of them into the Alamo just isn’t healthy. There’s no future in being right if you’re still having the mental conversation two days later. Let the idiots win every once in awhile.
Celebrate — Turn off the mobile phone, step away from the video screen and have a glass of wine, a Root Beer float or a slice of chocolate cake (preferably, with two forks.) This is the reason we get up in the morning and do what we do. Don’t ever let just doing become the priority.
Now, back to the gym! — That bathing suit isn’t going to wear itself!