WD Fyfe

A Sideways Glare at Contemporary Society

Stuff I Learned From The Movies

film

They say art imitates life, and even though I don’t know who “they” are, I believe them.  Sure, in the 21st century, we’re definitely swimming in the shallow end of the artistic pond, but we still have film makers.  These are the contemporary artists whose vision, diligence and painstaking efforts help us understand the human condition.  Here are just a few things I’ve learned from the movies.

Impossible missions are not only possible; they’re down right probable.

Nazis and drug cartel henchmen can’t shoot straight.

There are more than 100 ways to build a time machine, but if you build one, expect it to end badly.

Englishmen are evil.

When you look up “weird” in the dictionary, they spell M. Night Shyamalan’s name correctly.

Your gay friends are a lot smarter than you are.

Aliens hate Big Ben, the Eiffel Tower and The Statue of Liberty.

Despite all evidence to the contrary — and a ton of personal experience — major urban areas have very little traffic, and you can drive as fast as you want on most surface streets.

Small towns are creepy, the wilderness is dangerous, and whatever you do, stay away from the water.

Eastern Europe is full of old, broken-down automobiles and abandoned buildings.

White groups always have one black friend, but black groups seldom return the favour.

It’s okay to stalk your ex-girlfriend, a co-worker, your best friend’s wife or the woman in your apartment complex — as long as you’re convinced you truly love her.

Despite all evidence to the contrary — and a ton of personal experience — all people over 50 have Alzheimer’s.

Secret government agents (spies) are easy to spot: they’re the ones in the expensive clothes.

Adam Sandler isn’t funny.

Sad things have subtitles.

People in New York and Chicago are really good at managing their money.  Even when they have the crappiest job in history, they can still afford a decent apartment.

All Asians know kung fu – even the little kids.

Despite all evidence to the contrary — and a ton of personal experience — super-hot girls are actually attracted to nerdy guys.

Contemporary bras are so comfortable women wear them all the time — even when they’re sleeping or having industrial-strength, marathon sex.

When you hear Middle Eastern music, something’s going to explode.

Amy Adams and Isla Fisher are the same person — and she even proved it in Nocturnal Animals.

But the best thing I ever learned from the movies is —

If a bald guy offers you the red pill, run like hell!

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5 comments on “Stuff I Learned From The Movies

  1. CJ Hartwell
    August 17, 2018

    I’m still laughing about white/black groups. 😀

    One thing I learned: Trouble getting dates? Take off your glasses. Works every time.

    • wdfyfe
      August 17, 2018

      No doubt but then you have to go after nerdy guys

  2. Claudette
    August 18, 2018

    I want the address of the contemporary bra makers please – NOW.

    • wdfyfe
      August 18, 2018

      Send $700.00 cash …. !

      • Claudette
        August 20, 2018

        I have sent it via PayPal, I have sent you 1400, but you must wire me back 700 so that I can arrange a courier from deepest darkest godknowswhereland to arrange to drive to collect it and pushbike it back to me. Please only click on the supplied link when you receive my email (your paypal won’t tell you the truth!) 🙂

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This entry was posted on August 17, 2018 by in Entertainment, Humor, Humour and tagged , , , .
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