Some Movies Redefined!

I love movies, but I’m losing my girlish laughter over the people who make them.  These days, there’s this weird idea that “good” movies have to be socially or politically aware.  What a crock!  Movies are entertainment.  That’s their function.  After that, if you want to turn them into a soapbox, knock yourself out.  But not every story has to carry a deep meaning or a dire warning.  Some stories are just a brief look into someone else’s life, and if they’re told well, they make great movies.  Contorting every tale into a vehicle that delivers a social message is the reason so many contemporary movies suck.  Let me demonstrate.  Here is a list of just a few films with social awareness shoehorned into their narrative.  The results are hilarious!

A foster child raised by a same sex couple grows up, returns to his home, kills his uncle and marries his – uh – sister?  — The Lion King

An underprivileged boy dies when a selfish rich girl is convinced she shouldn’t share her transportation with him.  — Titanic

Her whole world falls apart when an innocent, young girl goes on Reality TV and becomes a global celebrity.  — Hunger Games

Things go horribly wrong for a recent immigrant who has built a successful business and married the girl of his dreams.  — Scarface

The hidden homo-erotic world of the American military.  — Top Gun

A May-December bromance that lasted for over 30 years.  — Lethal Weapon franchise   

Bullies try to harm a transvestite couple.  — Some Like it Hot

A devoted fan is remorselessly murder by her celebrity crush – who gets away with it.  — Misery

An orphan boy comes out of the closet to fight back when an older man’s obsession turns his life into a nightmare.  — Harry Potter franchise

Estranged children fight with their father over the corporate structure of the family business.  — Star Wars (original trilogy)

An unsupervised child attempts to murder two mentally disadvantaged men.  — Home Alone

A primitive indigenous culture cannot survive without the help of technologically advanced white man.  — Avatar

A wealthy suburban teenager exploits sex workers to pay for repairs on his family’s Porsche.  — Risky Business

Worst case of Stockholm Syndrome — ever.  — Beauty and the Beast

A Florida woman speaks out when she is victimized by several stalkers.  — There’s Something About Mary

Ruthless toy company executive seduces a 12-year-old boy.  — Big

A teenage girl explores an inappropriate relationship with a much older man.  — Twilight

And, of course:

Women get into a deadly altercation over shoes.  — The Wizard of Oz