Summer’s finally/ almost/ nearly/ just about/ over, and it’s time to travel again. That’s one thing I’ve learned during my years on this planet: never travel in the summer. Actually, I’ve learned a lot of things travelling, and, cuz I’m a good guy, I’m going to pass some of them along.
The people at airport security have had their sense of humour surgically removed.
When someone with an accent says “No problem!” there already is one.
If you travel far enough, often enough, you will eventually run into a restaurant that serves mystery meat.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, “For the love of Jesus, people! Venice is full. One more busload of tourists and they’re going to change the name to Atlantis.”
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, “Heathrow Airport was designed by Rhesus monkeys.”
Think about it. If you can survive a month in Europe living out of one suitcase, what the hell are you doing with all that crap cluttering up your closet?
Advertised discount airline prices are like unicorns: everybody’s heard of them, but they don’t actually exist.
If you do it right, culture shock happens both ways.
The natural habitat of the traveller is sitting behind an adult beverage. The natural habitat of the tourist is standing in line.
Nobody “wins” a vacation. Slow down!
Nothing – NOTHING – looks like the website.
Unless you’re a professional photographer, nobody back home is going to give a damn about all the cool pictures you took.
Packing for any trip involves two things, 1) you’re going to forget something essential and 2) you’re going to bring something totally useless. Oh, well!
Never get too attached to your luggage.
Speaking louder does not instantly make strangers bilingual.
Unless you’re trekking the Sahara, it’s going to rain. Get used to it!
If you travel from North America to anywhere else in the world (including the Antarctic) you’re going to be held responsible for Donald Trump. Get used to it!
It doesn’t matter where you go or what you do — you’re going to need more money.
PS – To all my faithful readers: I’m planning to publish a collection of some of my blogs, and I need a few good people to write wonderful things about me for the back cover. Any volunteers?
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org