Tag: travel

Paris 2019

Paris1

We’re in Paris.  The clouds threaten rain and the unions a General Strike: c’est le vie!  I love Paris.  It sings.  It dances.  It laughs.  And it has an unconscious cool that I always hope is contagious.  Plus, it’s Fashion Week – the World Cup of Who’s Wearing What.  No, we’re not going to be sitting in the cheap seats, looking for celebs; we have other things to do.  Things like the cemetery at Montparnasse to lay a pen on Baudelaire’s grave (we promised) the Luxemburg Gardens for the puppet show, and a glass of wine and a few tears across the river from Notre Dame.  But mostly, we’re just going to hang out – try and catch the rhythm of a Parisian lunch, stroll the boulevards and maybe have one too many glasses of wine in some café somewhere.

But I said all this to say this space may suffer.  Between the time change, the Wi-Fi, the food, the wine and the unavoidable fact that I’m no travel writer, the next few weeks at WDFYFE.NET are going to be hit-and- miss, so please have patience.  Anyway, I’ll try my best to … Just a sec! … “Bonjour, deux verres de vin rouge, s’il vous plait.” … See what I mean?  In Paris, life intervenes.  C’est le vie!

Stuff I Learned From Travelling

travel

Summer’s finally/ almost/ nearly/ just about/ over, and it’s time to travel again.  That’s one thing I’ve learned during my years on this planet: never travel in the summer.  Actually, I’ve learned a lot of things travelling, and, cuz I’m a good guy, I’m going to pass some of them along.

The people at airport security have had their sense of humour surgically removed.

When someone with an accent says “No problem!” there already is one.

If you travel far enough, often enough, you will eventually run into a restaurant that serves mystery meat.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, “For the love of Jesus, people! Venice is full.  One more busload of tourists and they’re going to change the name to Atlantis.”

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, “Heathrow Airport was designed by Rhesus monkeys.”

Think about it.  If you can survive a month in Europe living out of one suitcase, what the hell are you doing with all that crap cluttering up your closet?

Advertised discount airline prices are like unicorns: everybody’s heard of them, but they don’t actually exist.

If you do it right, culture shock happens both ways.

The natural habitat of the traveller is sitting behind an adult beverage.  The natural habitat of the tourist is standing in line.

Nobody “wins” a vacation.  Slow down!

Nothing – NOTHING – looks like the website.

Unless you’re a professional photographer, nobody back home is going to give a damn about all the cool pictures you took.

Packing for any trip involves two things, 1) you’re going to forget something essential and 2) you’re going to bring something totally useless.  Oh, well!

Never get too attached to your luggage.

Speaking louder does not instantly make strangers bilingual.

Unless you’re trekking the Sahara, it’s going to rain.  Get used to it!

If you travel from North America to anywhere else in the world (including the Antarctic) you’re going to be held responsible for Donald Trump.  Get used to it!

And finally:

It doesn’t matter where you go or what you do — you’re going to need more money.

Happy Trails!

———-

PS – To all my faithful readers: I’m planning to publish a collection of some of my blogs, and I need a few good people to write wonderful things about me for the back cover.  Any volunteers?

Email me at wdfyfe@shaw.ca

Thanks!

Europe Is Different (from North America)

Europe

Europe is different from North America.  Here are a few things you need to remember.

Waiter (server in North America) is a respected profession in Europe.  It’s not just a stopover for university students and wannabe actors.  These people know what they’re doing.  Take advantage of it.

Criminal is also a profession (although not actually respected.)  There are people who get up every morning and head to the tourist attractions with the sole purpose of robbing you – or somebody else.  There’s no need to be paranoid, but you need to practice a little due diligence to make sure it’s somebody else.

There are two seasons in Europe.  Tourist season, when hordes of foreigners descend on the continent like an army of battle-hardened Assyrians — crowding the streets, cluttering up the restaurants and driving up the prices.  And Season #2 – October 22nd.

I hate to say it, but the days of the super bargains in Europe are over.  Armani suits are Armani suits all over the world, and you’re not going to get a discount just because they’re making them down the street.  Go for the small shops rather than the big labels.

Public transportation is the way to go.  In North America, we get in our cars; in Europe, people get on the bus, tram or subway.  Taxis are fine, once in a while (like from the airport) but if you want to see the real Europe, get on the bus.

European time is not North American time — adapt.

And finally:

The reason you crossed the big pond in the first place is you wanted to try something completely different.  Most times it’s fun but sometimes it’s a pain in the ass.  The truth is, on any vacation something is going to suck (it always does) but when that happens the best thing to do is don’t sweat the details – and keep on moving.