WD Fyfe

A Sideways Glare at Contemporary Society

Stuff I Learned From Music

music

Music is to culture what Doctor Watson is to Sherlock Holmes: you really can’t have one without the other.  It is a universal language that connects people everywhere around the world.  Even the grumpiest curmudgeon can’t help but move their shoulders just a little bit when they hear “Despacito.”  So it’s natural that, in my many years on this planet, I’ve learned a lot of things from music.  Here are just a few of them.

Musically, nobody really knows what to do with a drunken sailor.

There’s a reason symphony orchestras seldom feature bagpipes.

It’s no contest: the #1 favourite female vocalist of old people is “What’s-her-name.”

Disney could make a 2 hour live action movie about paint drying and people would pay to see it, download the sound track and set up a Twitter account to complain that the songs weren’t as good as the original.

Even though we sing it every year, nobody understands the words to “Auld Lang Syne.”

Oddly enough, ever since the Everly Brothers sang “Wake Up, Little Susie,” the go-to name for women in pop songs (and one country music mega-hit) is Sue.

Oddly enough, ever since the Beatles sang “I Saw Her Standing There” the optimum age for women in pop songs is 17.  Is that even legal?

And speaking of legal, “Happy Birthday to You” is still under copyright, so every time you sing it, you’re technically breaking the law.

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart did not write “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.”  That’s just a “fact” pompous asses mention in conversation so you’ll think they’re smart.

It’s never a good idea to teach children those monotonous, multi-verse songs like “The Wheels on the Bus” or “Baby Shark” — especially right before an extended road trip.

Everybody’s favourite song has one good verse and a very loud chorus. After that, it’s mostly mumbling ‘til the chorus comes around again.

When you’re driving and you’re either lost or looking for an address, you automatically turn the music down because … I don’t know … ears?

And speaking of ears, the Germans have a word for that song that gets stuck in your head – ohrwurm – ear worm.

Whether they’re waltzing with Mathilda or tying their kangaroo down, Australian folk songs have some totally strange lyrics.

If you’re the subject of a country music song, unfortunately, you’re pretty much screwed.

For pure sex, nothing beats 70s-going-on-80s pop music.

Keith Richards is proof that there is life beyond the grave.

Taylor Swift has written so many songs about bad relationships that – uh – maybe she’s the problem.

Nobody is ever going to love you as much as Kanye West loves … Kanye West.

And finally:

Old people spent most of this year bragging about how uber-wild and crazy they were back in the Woodstock era, circa 1969.  However, they’ve conveniently forgotten that Billboard’s Single of the Year, that year, was “Sugar, Sugar” by The Archies.  (Not so counterculture cool now, are ya, grandpa?)

8 comments on “Stuff I Learned From Music

  1. Kenneth T.
    November 8, 2019

    What a load of fun – all this music is. 🙂

  2. Kenneth T.
    November 8, 2019

    I want to comment on each of these factoids individually – but I won’t. I do want to say this;

    Perhaps the reason why people turn the radio down when they’re lost, is because it’s less obvious (you’re lost) – to people that probably might not even notice you’ve passed them several times already – unless your radio is turned too loud, of course. You think? 😄

  3. Kenneth T.
    November 8, 2019

    But The Archies weren’t REALLY The Archies, were they?

    • wdfyfe
      November 8, 2019

      Yes, straight out of the comic books. Check out the video.

  4. Christi
    November 10, 2019

    Here’s something I bet you didn’t know about me: I was a card-carrying member of the Archie Fan Club. I think I got a sticker too. 😉

    • wdfyfe
      November 10, 2019

      OMG! You mean that wasn’t you at Woodstock?

  5. Claudette
    November 25, 2019

    Australians area very weird folk, and we like to celebrate that in our songs🤣

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This entry was posted on November 8, 2019 by in Entertainment, Humor, Humour, Life and tagged , , , , .
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