What Fresh Hell Is This?

It’s pretty obvious that 2020 is being written by Stephen King.  Last January, we were all walking around happy as clams, content to bitch about winter, customer service and kids staring at their video screens.  What a difference 3 months make!  Here we are in May, winter is over, there is no customer service (cuz there are no customers) and everybody’s staring at their video screen.  Fortunately, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel – but, don’t crack out the champagne, just yet.

A couple of weeks ago, “murder hornets” were spotted in British Columbia, Canada and Washington State.  (I’m not making this up, folks.)  These bugs (real name Vespa Mandarinia) are 5 centimetres (2 inches) long, have a stinger that can penetrate protective clothing and come from (Guess where?) Asia.  Plus, they’re vicious little bastards.  Their sting carries neurotoxins that, on average, kill about 50 people every year in Japan alone.  In fact, the American Department of Agriculture is warning people, ‘Don’t try to take them out yourself if you see them.  If you get into them, run away, then call us!”  It looks as if Mother Nature is running The Hunger Games!

But this horror movie script isn’t even the bad news.  The bad news is “murder hornets” eat baby bees.  You remember bees.  They’re the furry, little guys who get busy every day, flying from flower to flower, pollinating the world, which — OMG! — is essential to the food chain.  And it gets worse.  It seems that because North American bees have never seen “murder hornets,” they aren’t afraid of them and have no strategy to protect themselves.

Luckily, our friends the bees have a friend in the Department of Agriculture, and so far, we’ve got the drop on these foreign invaders.  We discovered them early and now have a couple of months to get rid of them before they start their killing spree in late August.  “Cry havoc!  And loose the flyswatters of War!”

In more positive news:

Drive-in movie theatres are making a comeback, and since mid-March, fewer people are committing adultery.

Now wash your hands and go back to work!