WD Fyfe

A Sideways Glare at Contemporary Society

Everything Is About Sex

couple

Everything in life is about sex!  Don’t believe me?  Just take a moment, forget the warped sense of sexuality the 21st century has forced upon us (50 Shades of Grey? I’m laughing!) and remember a time before half-baked academics got hold of the word — a time when Lady Chatterley had a lover, Maurice had a happy ending and Anais Nin wrote porn by the page.  Now, are you sitting comfortably?   Then we can begin.  Take a read on the following 15 statements and decide for yourself which ones are categorically wrong.  Not kinda, not maybe, but categorically wrong.  Good luck!

1 — Conversations are like sex — If the other person hasn’t made a noise in a while, they’re not interested.

2 – Reading a menu is like sex – Something might have a fancy French name but if you don’t know what you’re going to get, you better not order it.

3 — Cars are like sex — There’s a standard model, but there are always a number of interesting options available.

4 — Picking your nose is like sex — You really don’t want to get caught doing it in an elevator.

5 — Sports are like sex — Yeah, it’s fun to watch it on TV, but it’s way better if you’re actually playing the game.

6 — Dancing is like sex – Duh!

7 — The Internet is like sex – You need to be careful when you go exploring, or you’ll end up at 1:30 in the morning with nothing to show for it but a vague sense of regret.

8 — Fast Food is like sex – Sometimes you’re looking for something quick and easy cuz you’ve got a lot of other things to do.

9 — Visiting your in-laws is like sex – You know it’s important to your partner, but sometimes you just want to get it over with.

10 — Customer service is like sex – If you don’t get the attention you think you deserve, you’re upset about it.

11 — Grocery shopping is like sex – If you can’t find the one item you went for, it feels like the whole trip was wasted, but it’s too much trouble to keep looking — so – close enough!

12 – Cleaning the house is like sex – You may have spent hours doing this amazingly thorough job on Saturday, but by Thursday, you’re kinda thinking maybe you should do it again.

13 – Having a cat is like sex – Yeah, it’s warm and cuddly and purring, but do you really know what’s going on in that feline’s mind?

14 – Playing the piano is like sex – You can practice all you want, but if you don’t love what you’re doing, you’ll never be any good at it.

And finally:

15 — Riding a bicycle is like sex – You never forget how, but if you haven’t done it for a while, it’s going to hurt the next day.

I rest my case!

6 comments on “Everything Is About Sex

  1. Christi
    July 24, 2020

    Did you come up with these all on your own, after several years of study?
    Not that it matters. I’m still impressed!

    • wdfyfe
      July 24, 2020

      I was frightened by Freud as a child. cheers.

  2. AJMcGregor
    July 24, 2020

    Now that is what I call a “click-bait” title – but you do deliver.

    • wdfyfe
      July 24, 2020

      No, click-bait would be “Kanye reveals the shocking truth about sex. You won’t believe your eyes.”

  3. Claudette
    July 25, 2020

    As a person who has been celibate for more yeas of my ife now than i care to think about, there is only one on this list i can relate too …..and i aint saying which one😜

    • wdfyfe
      July 25, 2020

      A lady never tells. cheers

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This entry was posted on July 24, 2020 by in Humor, Humour, Philosophy and tagged , , , , .
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