Virtually Indestructible!

lighter-1218248_1280Last week, Apple came out with the iPhone7.  By my count, that’s seven different iPhones since they were first introduced in 2007.  Simple math and the life expectancy of an Apple telephone is, give or take, 18 months.  That’s pathetic.  Even in dog years, that’s pathetic.  Let’s face it, Apple is making their phones to be thrown away — and it doesn’t have to be that way.  Remember the old Nokia phones?  I have no idea how the Finns made those things, but you couldn’t tear them up with hand grenades.  I’ll betcha there are still people out there somewhere using them.  But the Nokia phone is proof we don’t have to live in a world where everything falls apart.  Here are some other examples (taken from my personal experience) of everyday stuff that will last forever under normal use:

Zippo Lighters — Every badass on this planet has a Zippo lighter (mine is monogrammed.)  Zippos have been through at least 3 major wars and come out the other side.  They’ve gone to the top of Everest and been salvaged out of the Pacific Ocean.  Treat them right, and you’ll never even have to replace the wick.  Break them (practically impossible) and Zippo will fix them for free.

Flash Drive Memory Sticks — The only bit of contemporary technology that will outlast the data you’ve got stored on it.

Tilley Hats — These things don’t wear out — ever.  And if yours does (which it won’t) Tilley will replace it — no charge.  Rumour has it that a Tilley hat was once eaten by an elephant and a couple of days later, through the normal course of events, the owner got it back — intact.  I don’t know whether he washed it and wore it, but he did get it back.

Crocs — Yeah, they don’t wear out but that’s not a good thing.

Lego — At a time when most kids’ toys break getting them out of the box, Lego is the wunderkind of every child’s imagination.  You can build anything with Lego, then take it apart and build something else — a million times — because Lego bricks never break.  They’re manufactured to withstand 400 kilograms (900 lbs.) of pressure, which means Lego will survive tornadoes, cyclones, tsunamis, hurricanes and even most earthquakes.  About the only way to deliberately destroy a piece of Lego is shoot it with a high-powered rifle.  So, if your kid ever breaks a piece of Lego, just back away slowly and call the police.

And finally:

Cast Iron Pans — My mother had a cast iron pan (God only knows where she got it from) that my sister just recently gave to her granddaughter.  That’s one single frying pan, used and abused by four plus generations, for what’s getting close to 100 years.  And you’d never know my great niece didn’t buy it yesterday.  Heavy, awkward and ugly, you can hit a cast iron pan with a truck and check for damage — on the truck.  I’m pretty sure that after The Apocalypse, cockroaches will be cooking their bacon in a cast iron frying pan.

I spit on planned obsolescence and drive away — in my 1985 Toyota Tercel.

Two Weird Ways To Make Money

moneyMoney isn’t everything, but it sure as hell is ahead of whatever’s in second place.  I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor — guess which one I prefer.  To that end, here are two weird ways to make a ton of money out of the New Economy.  The first one takes a lot of skill, but the second one just takes a little imagination and a lot of chutzpah.

Video Games — Of course, there are the traditional ways to earn money with video games — testing them, entering tournaments etc., etc. — but there’s also this semi-legit marketplace out there.  I heard about it from a World of Warcraft addict.  What he does is play World of Warcraft, like, all the time.  He builds different characters, adds powers and weapons, collects piles of Warcraft gold and like that.  (I’m not a player, so I don’t really know what’s involved.)  Anyway, once he advances to the upper game levels, he sells all his virtual stuff to other gamers (who maybe aren’t as good as he is, or just don’t want to put in the hours) so they can play at the higher levels.  The beauty is he gets paid serious money for this — real money.  Apparently, there’s a huge demand for this sort of thing and, according to my buddy, it works with most video games.  But think about it!  There are people in this world who are actually paying other people to play games for them.  Personally, I kinda think this defeats the whole purpose, but who am I to judge?

Selling Useless Crap on the Internet — These aren’t scams.  These are real products, available on the Internet, and people have paid real money for them.  Things like UFO Detectors, DVD Rewinders and Dehydrated Water (just add water.)  There’s also Rocky Mountain Morning Air, Ghosts In A Bottle, Unicorn Farts and Leprechaun Kisses.  More than a few people are selling dirt — by the spoonful.  There was a guy who took a photograph, turned it into a million pixels, sold the pixels for a dollar each and — yes — he literally earned a million dollars.  There was another guy, in Canada, who took an ordinary red paper clip and starting trading it online.   Eventually, he ended up with a three bedroom house! But my very favourite is Nothing.  That’s right : you can buy a little plastic bag full of Nothing on the Internet for (I think) $4.95 plus shipping and handling.  P. T. Barnum was right.

These are only two examples of what is going on in the New Economy, but in our brave new world, it looks to me as if your financial future is  limited only by your imagination.

 

Syria: An Optimist’s View

syriaIt might be September, but Silly Season isn’t over.  This is the weirdest thing I have ever seen.

Last week, the Syrian Ministry of Tourism released a number of videos on YouTube.  Entitled Syria: Always Beatiful, (note the spelling) they’re promoting tourism to Syria.  SYRIA!  War-torn, bombed-out, poison-gassed, ripped-to-ratshit Syria!  It’s not exactly the place that comes to mind when one thinks: tourist destination.  Especially since the people who already live there are fleeing for their lives.  Rumour has it that U.S. Navy Seals don’t even go to there — it’s just too dangerous.

Frankly, I’m amazed Syria even has a Ministry of Tourism.  Why bother?  I haven’t tried, but I doubt very much if you can even get there from here — or from anywhere.  However, let’s just think for a moment about the genius who thought a couple of YouTube videos might possibly convince somebody (anybody) to book a flight to Damascus.  Whoever he was, he’s got to be the world’s biggest optimist.

And the video itself is a hoot.  It’s taken at “Fast Forward” from the air, and it looks as if an Obama observation drone got loose and is being chased by a Russian bomber.  One particular scene could almost be a strafing run from a J.J. Abrams movie.  And the entire video is just the same seaside resort, filmed from a number of different angles — like nobody’s going to notice that.  Then the whole thing is backed up by some really awful discount DJ music from before the turn of the century.

Anyway, good luck, folks!  I can’t imagine what your slogan is going to be: “Come see Syria.  You won’t get killed. We promise.”