Nick, Barack and The World Stage

Congratulations, Nicky! You did it! There were a couple of times there I didn’t think you’d make it, but you worked long and hard, you stuck to your guns — literally — and in the end, you did it. Personally, I think you deserve it, so, once again, congratulations.

For those of you who haven’t been watching, let me be the first to inform you that President Nicholas Sarkozy of France is now the Leader of the Western World. It probably won’t be formally announced for a hundred years or so, but when history gets around to looking at the early 21^st century, believe me, it will be confirmed. Of course, nobody’s really saying anything out loud right now; that would be rude. After all, the other guy’s still kicking around in Washington; nevertheless, it’s all true.

The story’s almost Shakespearean in its simplicity. Barack Obama is pretty much everybody’s Hamlet — long on talk and short on action. While he’s been sitting around the Oval Office, trying to decide which wall to hang his Nobel Prize on, everybody in Congress — from Nancy Pelosi to that cry-baby Boehner — has been kicking sand in his face. The bills are piling up, nobody’s coming home from Afghanistan anytime soon, half the citizens in California and Arizona are illegal and the American economy is folding up faster than a cheap lawn chair.

People see this stuff! It’s noticeable!

Meanwhile, Nicky Sarkozy’s been scurrying around, doing things. He’s impetuous and ill-advised and sometimes dead wrong, but at least he’s doing something. A perfect example of this is the Arab Spring. Our world is in the midst of a major political upheaval right now, and it’s rippin’ and rollin’ across half a continent. The American State Department’s response since Christmas has been an emphatic, “Yes, no, maybe so” to everybody who isn’t listening. That was old when the Egyptians were trying to float Mubarak down the Nile, and it got downright ancient a couple of weeks later when events and unrest overran Libya. The Europeans need Libyan oil, and they made it plain they weren’t going to sit around forever, wringing their hands, waiting for it. Besides, most of them wanted a whack at Gaddafi anyway: he’s been a permanent pain in the ass since the 60s. Unfortunately, without any clear direction from America, they listened to Sarkozy, who stepped into the breach with the simple solution: “Let’s bomb them!” The French opened fire before the ink was dry on the UN resolution, and here we are. At this point, nobody knows what’s going on in the desert west of Benghazi — or even if we’re shooting at the right people. However, everybody does know that the plan was approved in the US by Samantha Powers, Susan Rice and Hillary Clinton, the Weird Sisters of American Foreign Policy. And it doesn’t take Lady Macbeth to figure out that these days, if you want something done, you’re just as far ahead to go to Paris as Washington.

Look at the Ivory Coast. This is how realpolitik works. After years of international dickin’ around, Sarkozy grabbed the initiative and manipulated a UN Resolution on March 30^th, 2011. This gave French troops (boots on the ground) the legal right (and a UN cover story) to take over the country, get rid of President Laurent Gbagbo and install French-friendly Alassane Ouattara. They did this in less than three weeks! There’s a lot of posing for the cameras and high-minded rhetoric, but behind the United Nations are a bunch of tough looking soldiers who aren’t wearing powder blue helmets; they’ve got the French tri-colour patched on their shoulders. This is the first unpalatable dictator thrown out of office by the Western Democracies since George Bush’s boys dragged Saddam Hussein out of his hole in Tikrit in 2003.

Sarkozy’s leadership in the West isn’t a recent phenomenon, either. In December, 2008, when President Sarkozy was taking his turn as boss of the European Union, he went out of his way to meet with the Dalai Lama. This is a move that’s guaranteed to provoke an angry response from the Chinese. It did, and for a time it even threatened some very serious trade negotiations between China and the entire European Union.

Contrast this to President Obama’s approach to the Dalai Lama. In July, 2008, during the presidential election, Obama sent him a blow-you-off letter full of regret that Barack’s travel arrangements and campaign schedule dictated they would have to get together another time. (Oddly, John McCain found a couple of minutes to grab a coffee with His Holiness.) Then in October, 2009, when the Dalai Lama came to Washington, President Obama discovered some subsequent engagements that prevented him — once again – from meeting with one of the world’s foremost religious leaders. In actual fact Obama was busy packing for a trip to – you guess it! — China. The two leaders did finally meet — in February, 2010 — with so little fanfare it looked like the Secret Service shuffled the Dalai Lama into of the White House through the back door.

This stuff goes on and on. Sarkozy has been diplomatically outgunning Obama for the last two years.

At the end of the day, it isn’t that economic, political and military power is seeping away from America; it isn’t – at least, not yet. It’s the will to use that power to everybody’s best advantage that has left the White House. For the last two years, American foreign policy has consisted of “I’m not George Bush.” That isn’t good enough. It’s no wonder Nicholas Sarkozy has stepped up to fill the vacuum left by America’s absence from the world stage.

The Art of the Insult

One of the problems with being politically or socially active these days is all the name calling. You can’t say five words in a reasonable discussion anymore without somebody calling somebody else a dirt bag or worse. I’m as guilty as everybody else. In my defence, I don’t go in for some of the juicy items, but I’m absolutely addicted to “dumb-ass.” The result is, of course, people just get angry and reply in kind. Gone are the days when rational debate carried an intelligent component that elevated the subject; instead, we have the current climate of trash talk that diminishes it. Personally, I’m not going to speculate about how we got here, but if it walks like a fox, talks like a fox and looks like a fox, chances are good it’s FOX. However, as we continue to holler, kick and spit our way through the 21^st century, sometimes there is a brief, shining moment when civility returns to the art of the insult.

Let me start this discussion by saying I’m not Obama bashing. I kinda like the guy. I don’t agree with his politics (because I think he’s a dumb-ass) but for the most part, I think he’s doing the best he can, given the circumstances. Okay, now that’s out of the way, it’s the president’s prerogative to make foreign policy. He sets the tone of the administration. Historically, there’s been the Monroe Doctrine, the Truman Doctrine, the Nixon Agenda and many others. When Obama was elected president, he wanted to cut a clear path away from the Bush administration. He wanted to get rid of the “them or us” world philosophy, wipe the slate clean and open the discussion – to everybody — equally.

Unfortunately, that meant distancing himself from the old Blair-Bush Project which had been set up after 9/11 to coordinate the War on Terror. This wasn’t a big stretch for Obama, because, like most American, he thinks Britain is a bit of a has-been power, sitting at the head table because of its glorious history. Besides, Obama isn’t a huge fan of Britain anyway or its colonial past (with good reason.) However, in his zeal to symbolically demonstrate that nobody was getting special treatment on Pennsylvania Avenue anymore, he has damaged — if not destroyed — the “special relationship” America has had with Britain for about 100 years now.

Barack Obama learned his trade in Chicago, where subtle hasn’t been in vogue since before Al Capone was running the city from the Lexington Hotel. Remember, this is the town where taxi drivers once showed their displeasure with Mayor Jane Byrne by plastering their cabs with bumper stickers that read “Jane, you ignorant slut!” Politics is practiced with a heavy hand in Illinois, and Obama learned it that way. He’s the master of the sweeping gesture, the grand vision, but he hasn’t really caught on to nuance yet. But in international circles nuance is all there is.

I’m not going to get into the sordid details of Obama’s mishandling of British sensibilities because it all just sounds bitchy. Besides, if you want to you can read all about it in any Fleet Street tabloid. However, a few choice items do stand out. To begin with, Obama hadn’t even reset the burglar alarm at the White House when he told the British to come and get the bust of Winston Churchill they’d given George Bush after 9/11. This is no big deal, by the way: every president redecorates his office. The problem is the guy did it publicly. He could have just as easily put it in the basement and forgotten about it, but he didn’t. In fact, he made a show of making the Brits take it back. Then, of course, there’s the notorious exchange of gifts during Prime Minister Gordon Brown’s state visit to Washington. One of the gifts Brown gave Obama — on behalf of the British people — was a pen holder, made from the timbers of the anti-slave ship HMS Gannett. There’s huge symbolic significance to this. In response Obama gave Prime Minister Brown a 25 DVD boxed set of classic American movies. (No, I’m not kidding!) The head of state of the most powerful nation in the history of the world cruised over to Walmart and went $49.95 to get something special for America’s oldest ally. And I don’t care how many times the apologists deny it: I am absolutely certain the most of folks at Team Obama knew damn well American DVDs don’t work in Britain.

Diplomatically, the Obama White House has made a fetish out of pulling the British lion’s tail. In Argentina, Hillary Clinton assured the government there that America would support a negotiated settlement to the question of who owns the Falkland Islands, a piece of real estate that Britain fought a war over. Then, during the oil spill disaster in the Gulf of Mexico, the White House repeatedly talked about putting a “boot to the throat” of “British Petroleum.” (Incidentally, the company changed its name to BP over a decade ago) This was an environmental catastrophe, but these are pretty harsh words for a country addicted to fossil fuel. Obama’s people didn’t even use that kind of language when I’m a Dinner Jacket – oops — Ahmadinejad threatened to get some atomic bombs and kill all the Jews. And the hits just keep on coming, and the Brits have to take it ‘cause they’re the junior partner.

So here we are in February, 2011, and in a couple of months, the man who will be King is getting married. Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II’s grandson William is going to walk down the aisle with Kate Middleton in front of 1900 people and a worldwide audience of about a billion. Now take a wild guess who’s not going to be there? Mr. and Mrs. Obama. Barack and Michelle will have to wander on over to the Elephant and Castle Genuine British Pub in Georgetown and watch it on the big screen. To all those people who say this isn’t a snub? Crap! Here’s the deal: that little lady at Windsor Castle represents the British people, and it’s her government the Obama boys have been pushing around. BP is a British company that employs thousands of her subjects. Her son fought in the Falkland Islands, and her grandson was in Afghanistan. She and her people are just as proud of their country and their heritage as anybody else.

Royal displeasure doesn’t come with the whack of an axe anymore, but it’s still there, and it is real. There’s only one reason Michelle Obama is not representing the United States of America at this royal wedding. (After all, First Lady Nancy Reagan did it – twice!) The Queen doesn’t want her there. You and I and everybody else on the planet knows it. I don’t care what kind of excuses everybody’s making. Remember: Queen Elizabeth II was doing star power before Barack and Michelle were even born. She understands what international celebrity means.

We live in a world that’s gone loud with people shouting abuse at each other. Opinion is considered carte blanche to be rude. Fortunately, however, there are still people around who have the good manners to deliver a deliberate insult without ever uttering a word.

Welcome to the Tea Party

Okay, you won the election — mostly. You took the best Jon Stewart, Keith Olbermann and the girls on The View could throw at you and you won. You beat the elites. You’re dancing in the streets. Hold it! Stop! Alto! You didn’t do anything. Despite whatever you folks were telling each other last night in the euphoria and the moonlight, this is the morning after, so let’s all get outta bed and go catch the reality bus. Last night was an off-year, off-speed, mid-term election. People are angry. The country is in the middle of one of the worst recessions (dare I use the D-word) in history, and just about everybody has taken it in the goonies. And besides all that, 2008 and Obama’s coattails served you up a Democratic majority in Congress that had no business being there. So, if you hadn’t won last night — and won big — we’d all be writing the eulogy and digging the hole by now.
But before you start doing the happy dance and repainting the Oval Office just in time for 2012, let me let you in on a little secret: Barack Obama wasn’t running for office in 2010. He was likely sitting at home, in the White House, watching the results on his presidential big screen TV — and so were his troops. There’s a room full of boring CNN stats that prove this, but here’s the only one that matters. In 2008, 126.4 million people voted; in 2010, only about 95 million did. Duh! The kids saw the avalanche and stayed home. They’re not going to make that same mistake twice.
“But we’ve won a great victory,” you say. “We must keep up the pressure,” you say. “We must march on the White House and beat those champagne glasses into beer mugs,” you say. ”No retreat! No Compromise!”
History teaches us something different. In 216 BCE, Hannibal won a great victory over the Romans at Cannae. The road to Rome was open. His Nubian cavalry could have been there in a day – two, at the most. His generals urged him to march. Hannibal wisely turned away. He knew if he took his war elephants to the walls of Rome, they would be useless, and he would be trapped and annihilated. This isn’t just a cute story. If the pissed-off and the profane take these Republican war elephants to Washington and try to fight the campaigns that are coming up between now and 2012, they’re going to be trapped and annihilated. The bottom line is this: it’s politics — not righteousness — that’s going to carry the day – and politics starts this morning. This means that — angry or not — the Republican caucus better quit being indignant and start working with the Democrats. If they don’t, and Congress goes into cardiac arrest early, they’re the ones who are going to be hit by the Blame Train — not Barack Obama.
Right now, we’ve all been invited to a tea party and Sarah Palin’s pourin’. But just in case you didn’t notice “You betcha” is not a policy statement! If Palin drags this crowd into the race for 2012, she might make it through the primaries, but in a national campaign? Jon Stewart, Barbra Walters and the New York media are going to eat her alive — just like Katie Couric did last time. They are going to make her look like The 3 Stooges — except this time she’s going to be 2 Stooges short.
There’s no doubt that this president is all hat and a teleprompter. But you don’t go from After Dinner Speaker to the White House in 4 years if you don’t know what you’re doing. People are learning that Barack Obama just isn’t a very good leader but that doesn’t mean he’s not a good politician. Don’t confuse the two. He can and will rally the team for 2012, and all those folks sitting on the sidelines this year are going to get back in the game. Remember: 58% of voters under 30 still think Obama is the best thing since Bill Clinton, and young people prefer Democrats by over 20%. These people aren’t angry; they’re not frustrated; and they don’t give a damn how much money the champagne socialist elite throw at the economy, healthcare or each other. They just think the Tea Party is a collection of knuckle-dragging racists who have the misfortune of being old. You, me, Fox News and Harry the Talking Penguin can call them irresponsible, immature or even imbeciles. It doesn’t matter. They vote: Obama wins. It’s that simple.
The Teabag people and their allies better temper their message right now or run the risk of being just another bunch of Glenn Beck whiners on the road to obscurity. It’s one thing to seize power; it’s another to use it, and use it properly. Like it or don’t, the American people (some of them anyway) have said “Put up or shut up!” Now it’s time for these new Republicans to, first of all, learn how to govern — so America can dig itself out of the mess it’s in. And secondly, think up a coherent plan to take back the White House in 2012 — so the sinkhole doesn’t swallow them up again. If it’s Sarah Palin and the Tea Party, so be it. But they’re going to need more than outrage and a loudspeaker, or they’re going to end up with nothing.