Tag: contemporary life

Apocalypse – Not Quite Yet!

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Unless you’re living on Mars, you know our world is walking a whole new path these days.  We all know the situation; we all have information.  Most of it is real; some of it — not so much.  And we’re all trying to figure out what happens next.  Nobody knows.  However, before we cash in our emotional chips and hide in the closet, we need to think about a few things.  This isn’t an essay in rose-coloured glasses — just a little reality check in these troubled times.

No virus can cancel singing.  Just ask the Italians.

In the future, there will be a lot less time spent in boring meetings where everybody sits around in a little room, talking about what needs to be done instead of doing it.

Finally, people have something real to think about, and they can quit wasting their time, rattling on about which wannabe celebrity said what on Twitter.

Even as you read this, millions of people all over the world are working flat out to get this thing under control.  And they’re succeeding.  Vaccines have been developed at several medical facilities, and human testing has already started in Seattle.

For every story about somebody being a dick, there are a ton of unselfish acts of kindness – too numerous to list.

For the first time in human history, there is no “them and us.”  We’re all in this war together.  This might be hard to get used to at first, but eventually it’s going to be normal.

And the indomitable human spirit will prevail.  Here are just a few examples of people saying, “I’m still standing” and laughing in the face of serious adversity.

1 — It’s been 5 days without sports on TV, but I met a woman on the sofa this evening.  Her name is Marsha.  She told me she lives here.  She seems nice.

2 – We’re all going to brag to our grandchildren that, when we were young, they wouldn’t let us go to school and we didn’t have any toilet paper.

3 — I never thought I’d see the day when cannabis is easier to get than hand sanitizer.

4 — I wish self-isolation meant not watching the news.

5 — There’s a new drink called the Quarantini.  It’s just a regular martini, but you drink it by yourself.

6 — With everybody forced to stay home, I’m pretty sure there’s going to be a minor baby boom, and in 2033, we’ll be calling them The Quaran-teens.

7 — Apparently, 2020 is being written by Stephen King.

8 — To all those people buying tons of toilet paper: you better stock up on condoms too, so you don’t raise any more idiots like you.

And finally, my favourite:

9 — Come on, folks!  If we set aside our differences and all pull together, we can make this the best damn pandemic ever!

Young People Are Grim

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For years, I’ve been trying to figure out why young people are so relentlessly grim.  And, I’m not just talking about millennials — the You-Can’t-Have-Any-Ice cream generation.  It’s their children as well, now called Generation Z, as if this is the end of the line for the human species.  These folks — pretty much anyone born after 1980 — spend their days acting like corporate accountants who’ve just had a root canal.  They could give lessons to Puritans, for God’s sake!  And (have you ever noticed?) they always laugh with their teeth clenched – kinda like a Terminator trying to smile.

And there’s no reason for it.  We live at the apex of human achievement.  There’s more good stuff now — and less bad stuff — than at any other time in history.  There should be dancing in the streets.  So, what’s the deal?  Simple: cell phones.  Most young people wander around with a stick up their ass because they know if they step out of line, somebody’s going to video record it, and 20 seconds later they’re going to look like total morons – across the entire planet!  Plus, the Internet never forgets.  Whatever they say or do today, may come back and haunt them, 10 years from now, when social standards change.  This is peer pressure to the Nth degree, and the only way to escape it is keep your head down.  Don’t give the cybermob an excuse to come after you.  In other words, bland is best.

When I was a kid, I did some stupid things. In my generation, we all did. It was part of growing up.  You learned, sometimes painfully, not to be a jackass.  However, there was no permanent record in those days.  My transgressions were shared, laughed at and admonished by a very small group – who (mostly) had my best interests at heart.  Now, time on, they’ve been forgotten, except on rare occasions when old friends get together and play Remember When.  I carry no brand for strangers to judge.

These days, young people don’t live with that luxury.  They’re all sitting under a cyber Sword of Damocles, one upload away from, at best, humiliation and at worst, disgrace and total ruin.  They not only have to fly right, right now; they have to see into the future and measure up, and that has got to be a full time job.  It’s no wonder they’re all trudging along as if somebody just shot their puppy.

I Remember A Time

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Whether you’re 25, 46, 71 or only 15, some days you wake up and just feel old.  You look at the world and realize today is not the day to play because the game of life has gotten too damn complicated.  You remember a simpler time when things were straightforward and you knew all the rules.  A time when the days were long and bright and the nights romantic.  I time when – well, you get the idea – a time when it didn’t seem like an endless fight just to be alive.  Don’t get me wrong: I have no desire to turn back the clock.  The good old days are a myth propagated by grumpy old people who can’t figure out why they aren’t cool anymore.  (Maybe it’s cuz they use words like cool?)  However, on a bright winter morning when the coffee’s really good and there’s jam for the toast, there’s nothing wrong with being nostalgic.

Here are a few things, from a more elegant age, that I remember.

When people dressed up for important events.  Women wore their breasts inside their clothes, and men looked like they’d taken a bath – recently.

The days when you could see the pictures in an art gallery and not the backs of a bunch of cell phones and the half faces of morons taking selfies.

When the lyrics to popular songs didn’t prominently feature body parts, sexual positions, robbery, obscenities, weapons or murder — and you could actually sing them to children.

A time when people didn’t scold each other for the sport of it.

A time when young people had all the questions, not all the answers.

The sweet satisfaction of slamming the phone down in some asshole’s ear.

The days when the relationship between men and women was not adversarial.

Irony, satire and wit.

When you could order coffee without reciting the recipe, and you got to drink it out of a real cup.

A time when ladies and gentlemen acted that way.

Lunches that didn’t come wrapped in paper and look like they’d been run over by a truck.

When gluten wasn’t the scariest thing on the planet.

The days when the “Big O” was an orgasm, not Oprah Winfrey.

A time when you could ride public transportation without being forced to listen to somebody else’s one-sided telephone conversation – 7 or 8 times.

When the truth was not a moveable feast.

A time when Hallowe’en costumes were for kids and adults had better things to do than worry about whether Pocahontas was a Disney princess or cultural appropriation.

A time when cheating in professional sports was retail, not wholesale, and the people who did it weren’t stupid enough to get caught.

And finally:

The days when you weren’t constantly looking over your shoulder for a politically correct ambush.