It’s Spring – 2021

Thank God it’s spring! It was a little late this year but finally I think we’ve got the real meal deal. Mother Nature is changing her clothes, and Father Time is watching. We mere mortals are only a small part of what they both have in mind, but, like every year since this planet was a baby, it’s going to be spectacular. As of today, the birds and the bees are back, and they’re feeling frisky.

Unfortunately, spring doesn’t carry the kind of punch it used to. These days, it’s mostly living on its rep. We all know it’s spring, but in a world of central heating, air conditioning, mega-malls and concrete canyon streets, how many of us really care? In the 21^st century, we generally ignore the world around us until Mother Nature gets pissed off and starts slapping the crap out of everything in her path – then we pay attention. Primitive humans weren’t this arrogant; that’s why they treated spring with some respect.

Back in the day, winter in the northern hemisphere was nothing to be trifled with. Our species never physically adapted to the cold the way some of the other animals on this planet did. However, despite our natural tendency to freeze to death, we insisted on living in climates that were inhospitable for four (or more) months of the year. The only recourse for this stupidity was to outsmart Mother Nature, using the tools at hand – fire and the skins of more practical animals. Plus, our instincts told us to hide in caves when a hostile world starting howling for our bones. This strategy worked and we survived long enough to understand that — even though Mother Nature spent a good amount of time trying to kill us — eventually she would relent and treat us like her special children again. And this was cause for celebration.

As we evolved beyond beetle-brow tough to early-human clever, we must have realized that these constantly changing seasons were not random. They had a pattern. When winter was over, the leaves came out. From there, only a Neanderthal wouldn’t put two and two together and realize, once the leaves started to fall, winter was coming back. (That’s why there are no more Neanderthals, BTW. Just sayin’.) With that in mind, it wasn’t a Cro-Magnon leap of intelligence to figure out that, with a little planning, we could gather food and firewood during the good weather, store them away, and a smart cave family could sit out the winter in relative comfort. Thus, instead of hanging out in the cave, shivering and getting skinny all winter, we had some leisure time to put that big brain or ours to work. We watched the sun, we watched the moon, we noticed when the ice started to melt, when the birds came back and when the bear two caves over woke up grumpy, hungry and looking for a fight. This was all important stuff, because the more we knew about the seasons, the more likely it was that we’d be around to see a few of them.

Unfortunately, climatology hadn’t been invented yet, and so humans simply filed all these various discoveries under “Mother Nature: Whims and Idiosyncrasies.” But Mother Nature was real. She made the flowers bloom, the warm breezes blow, and warmed up the sun. So, when winter was over, it made sense for primitive humans to take a minute, be polite and say thanks.

These days, we don’t much care for Mother Nature. After all, for the last two hundred years or so, we’ve been fighting with her for supremacy on this planet. There are some who say we’re winning and some who say we’ve already lost. Unfortunately, the majority of us don’t seem to give a damn, either way. Our egos are so secure we no longer thank her — or anybody else — for our existence. However, on a morning like this one, in the first sunlight of what’s going to be a perfectly gorgeous day, I tend to get a little caveman-humble. I hear the birds putting on the brag, see an ambitious green sprig forcing its way through the sidewalk and maybe — just maybe — sniff a sweet change in the air. And it all tells me something special is happening again this year — and it’s going to fantastic.

Thanks, Mother Nature!

Written some years ago and reproduced every time I’m overwhelmed by the magic of the season.

I’m An Optimist (2020)

One of the problems (the biggest one, actually) about being an optimist is people think you’re thick. They might listen to you carefully, even agree on occasion, but there’s something in their eyes that says, “Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.” It’s an occupational hazard of living in the 21^st century where ‘abandon hope” is the soupe du jour. It’s not that people are particularly convinced we’re all screwed; it’s just that a lot of folks have the misconception that pessimism comes with an extra portion of smart. After all, nobody wants to look like a simpleton who still believes in Santa Claus and happily ever after. We’re all adults here, and happy endings belong in children’s fairy tales. Think about it! Once you get past Snow White and the girls, one of the greatest love stories of all time, Romeo and Juliet, ends with a double suicide. Ouch!

The problem is we’re taught from the year dot that life doesn’t always go our way. It’s a good lesson, but because we’re children, we make the assumption that that’s the way the world works. We call it being realistic. But it’s not. In fact it’s the exact opposite. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying the world is all rainbows and roses – it isn’t — but the truth is that, throughout history, the good guys always win. Believe it or don’t: they do!

Here’s a simple test. You’re sitting here reading this because?

A — You have to work 16 back-breaking hours every day on the business end of a whip.
B – You can’t read or write.
C — Some power-mad asshole and his minions are controlling everything you see and hear.
D — You have cholera, tuberculosis, polio or any of a hundred other diseases.
E — You don’t have enough money to feed yourself; forget about buying a computer!
F – You died in childbirth.
OR
G — None of the above — because over the years, a continuous line of good people did away with all that bullshit.

I don’t care how pessimistic you think you are; there’s no denying we live in the most benevolent society ever. We’re richer, better educated, healthier and more socially aware that at any other time in history. But here’s the deal. This wasn’t always the case; we’ve had to work at it. We’ve had to overcome wars, famine, bat-shit crazy dictators, natural and unnatural disasters and a boatload of debilitating diseases — just to get this far. But we’ve always prevailed – ALWAYS. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be here.

Here’s a perfect example of what I mean. A couple of thousand years ago, a guy we call Otzi Man froze to death in the Alps. (He had an arrow in his shoulder and a ton of bad luck.) That was the way it was back then. But try that these days and you’ll have rescue teams from two different countries fighting over who’s going to save your ass, a medical helicopter, paramedics, a stretcher, trauma nurses, a hospital, doctors, antibiotics, sheets, bandages and a line of people willing to donate blood. That’s progressive, folks! So I’m no rocket scientist, but of course, I’m an optimist!

Clickbait History!

One of the latest trending convulsions of our troubled times is the girls and boys down at the “cancel culture” collective. They’ve spent the last few months in an orgy of indignation, replacing place names and knocking down statues. Their idea is – uh – I’m not really sure what their idea is, aside from the childish notion that if you don’t say it or see it, it will magically go away. (Nobody’s ever going to accuse the 21^st century of being sophisticated!) However, in the short term, revisionist history is a pain in the ass, so responsible people need to find a way to safeguard the facts from these zealots. Simple solution? Clickbait! If we turn history into clickbait (the heroin of social media) not only will people get exposed to history without them even knowing it, but it will also preserve the truth until this modern day “Reign of Terror” burns itself out. Here are just a few examples to get the ball rolling. (And thanks so much to AJ for being the inspiration behind this post.)

1 — Disabled man brutally shot in front of his friends and co-workers.

Admiral Horatio Nelson dies at the Battle of Trafalgar — 1805

2 — Privileged British healthcare worker shuns traditional healing and medicine.

Dr. Alexander Fleming discovers penicillin — 1928

3 — Over 250 illegal immigrants killed by angry local militia.

The Battle of the Little Big Horn — 1876

4 — After years of frustration, displaced migrants lash out, topple statues and burn public buildings.

Barbarians destroy Rome – 410 A.D.

5 — Tyrannical leader announces a controversial wall to keep out illegal immigrants.

Emperor Qin Shi Huang builds The Great Wall of China – 221 B.C.

6 — After years of struggle, ridicule and even imprisonment, a man with mental health issues is finally accepted by society.

Adolf Hitler elected Chancellor of Germany — 1933

7 – Teenage girl who gained fame and a huge following when her activist message changed government policy, convicted of terrible crimes. Guilty or not? You decide!

Joan of Arc burned at the stake — 1431

8 — 95 reasons your parents’ religion sucks.

Martin Luther nails his Ninety-five Theses on the door of Wittenberg church – 1517

9 – Jaw-dropping evidence that an unemployed Italian sailor scammed millions out of a Spanish royal.

Queen Isabella finances Christopher Columbus’ voyage to America – 1492

10 – Charismatic leader caught in sex romp with steamy Middle Eastern beauty. Senate takes decisive action to remove him from office. Read the startling details.

Julius Caesar assassinated – 44 B.C.

11 — Photographic evidence of a strange “craft” in the skies over North Carolina. You won’t believe your eyes!

Wright brothers fly the first airplane at Kitty Hawk – 1903

12 – 56 wealthy landowners, businessmen and lawyers who used their influence to manipulate the government and get massive tax breaks. You’ll never guess who’s on the list?

American delegates sign the Declaration of Independence — 1776

13 — US military man ruins pristine wilderness. Experts say damage could last 1,000 years!

Neil Armstrong steps on the Moon – 1969

14 — Disturbing play glorifies teen suicide. You won’t be able to hold back the tears.

Shakespeare writes Romeo and Juliet — 1595

15 — Sex worker dies in prison. You won’t believe her shocking ordeal.

French execute Mata Hari for spying – 1917

16 — New technology destroys ancient storytelling industry. Folklore threatened! Thousands of jobs lost.

Johannes Gutenberg invents moveable type – 1450

17 — In a tirade of hate, an elderly man threatens violence against home invaders.

Churchill’s “We will fight on the beaches” speech – 1940

18 — Corrupt leader admits he used public funds to buy an extravagant gift for his wife. Refuses to apologize!

Shah Jahan builds the Taj Mahal – 1643

19 — Radical religious cult denounces modern society, defying local authorities to open a well-armed wilderness “colony” on private property.

The Pilgrims land at Plymouth Rock – 1620

But I think my favourite is:

20 – College students across the country take action to remove offensive material from their campuses.

Nazi youth groups burn thousands of books at several German universities – 1933

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this: