A Sideways Glare at Contemporary Society
On September 20th Internet search engine Ask and, in Britain, Ask Jeeves posted a top 10 list of “unanswerable” questions. Apparently this list is based on over a billion queries made on their site since it started in 2000.
What a joke! These questions are totally answerable. In fact, they’re easy.
Try it. First the questions, then the questions with the answers.
Top 10 “unanswerable” questions.
1) What is the meaning of life?
2) Is there a God?
3) Do blondes have more fun?
4) What is the best diet?
5) Is there anybody out there?
6) Who is the most famous person in the world?
7) What is love?
8) What is the secret to happiness?
9) Did Tony Soprano die?
10) How long will I live?
Now the answers:
What is the meaning of life?
There is no meaning. Human beings are just techno-termites toiling away at our structures whether they be monster hotels in Vegas or virtual agriculture in Farmville.
Is there a God?
Of course! Do you really believe people like Glen Beck and Lindsay Lohan are the result of millions of years of natural selection?
Do blondes have more fun?
Yes, but they don’t know it.
What is the best diet?
Are you kidding? The Mediterranean Diet – tons of salad and bread, 600kinds of pasta, 300 different sauces, every cheese known to man – including Parmigiano – and, if that isn’t good enough for ya, there’s tons of pizza and a bottomless bottle of wine, and – oh,yeah – you get gelato at the end of it all! Like Jenny Craig can compete with that?
Is there anybody out there?
Given that there are billions of galaxies in the universe, each of those has billions of stars in it and each of those has planets revolving around it, and take into consideration that each one of those planets has had billions of years of evolution for intelligent life to come crawling out of the primeval ooze, then yes, certainly there is somebody out there.
However, the Area 51/Roswell/Alien autopsy/ UFO conspiracy folks are still idiots because, given that there are billions of galaxies in the universe, each of those has billions of stars in it and each of those has planets revolving around it, what are the chances that any intelligent life would travel several Light Years through directionless space to visit Dawna and Eddie in a trailer park in Nevada? Especially since the Dawna-and-Eddies of the universe never have batteries in their cameras and can’t figure out focus…
Who is the most famous person in the world?
What is love?
The warm feeling between “Hell-o” and “Of course, we’ll always be friends.”
What is the secret to happiness?
Sex and good socks.
Did Tony Soprano die?
Yes, but what most people don’t know is that Meadow takes over the family (a la Annalisa Zucca, the Italian crime boss from Napoli in Season Two.) She tells Patrick Parisi to take a hike and brings Furio Giunta out of hiding to help her run the show. She locks up her little brother in an extended care facility in New Mexico and then takes over what’s left of Phil Leotardo’s organization.
How long will I live?
Right up until you see that light at the end of the tunnel or the point of impact – whichever comes first.