A Sideways Glare at Contemporary Society
One of the reasons our society is going to Hell in a handcart is we have no idea what we’re saying anymore. We’re screwing up the beauty of the English language so badly it’s a wonder it doesn’t ask us for a divorce.
“I’m fed up with you treating me like gibberish. Get out! And I’m taking custody of all the words.”
This isn’t just a minor misunderstanding over a few stupid things like Jumbo Shrimp or Military Intelligence. This is serious. There are some irreconcilable differences between us and the language we love. Here are a few examples:
one day at a time – Think about this. That’s the way they come. Announcing to the world that you’re taking things “one day at a time” violates Einstein’s 3rd Law of You’re a Dumb Ass. Are there people in this world who take things TWO days at a time?
bad luck – If your luck is bad, by definition, it isn’t luck anymore. Finding a bag of money is lucky. Getting hit by a car as you pick it up is not a different kind of luck. Luck does not come in alternative forms. You’re lucky or…
sex addict – There is no such thing. We’re genetically programmed to want sex; that’s why there are more than 7 billion of us crawling around this planet. Mother Nature gave us sexual desire so we would thrive as a species and have fun doing it. Jerks like Tiger Woods are just trying to weasel (no offence, weasels) out of bad marital problems, and they think people believe this “sex addict” crap.
homophobia – First of all, a “phobia” or abnormal fear of gay people is not an illness. Lifestyle or pharmaceuticals aren’t going to make you better. Secondly, if homophobes think in stereotypes, what are they afraid of: Nice shoes? Designer dogs? Square dancing? Here’s the deal: homophobes don’t have a psychological disorder; they’re assholes.
fresh raisins – We need to remember raisins started out as grapes — a long time ago.
suicide bomber – The person with the bomb might very well be committing suicide, but the rest of the folks within shrapnel range simply aren’t. The last time I looked, suicide was not an involuntary activity. If you’re standing around waiting for a bus and suddenly you get your insides blown out, suicide has nothing to do with it: you’ve just been murdered.
And the list goes on from “light pollution” to “crash landing” (let that one sink in!) and if we don’t fix it soon, we might just as well jabber away at each other in Emoticons.