Our society is absolutely bloated with useless people. I don’t mean the scabby crack addict sitting on the curb begging for money. (What the hell is “spare” change, anyway?) No, it’s those half-educated persistent boors who have a degree in some nonsense like Leadership that I’m worried about. They’re the ones who sat through years of university with nothing on their minds but a wool hat and now, a couple of years later, swear by all that’s holy they’re smart. I’ve listened to these people — their natural habitat is either a meeting or a cocktail party. They’re a lotta things — but smart ain’t one of them.
Just to be clear, I’m only using Leadership as an example, and I’m not talking about every single person with an idiot degree like that; just the 99% who give the rest of them a bad name.
So, what kind of training and study does a person need to become a contemporary Napoleon? I took a few minutes and googled Leadership Programs at several well known universities. (They shall remain nameless to protect the guilty.) These might not be the exact courses they offer, but they’re so close it’s scary.
Team Building — Using moronic games to fool adults into thinking they still get a recess.
Motivation and Discipline — Show the donkey your carrot, and if that doesn’t work, hit him with a stick.
Creating Charisma — Workable strategies when people think you’re an asshole.
Innovation — Changing stuff — because you can.
Utilizing Smart Goals — Somewhere, buried in the syllabus, Stupid Goals are just clawing to get out.
Fundamentals of Determination — I think I can! I think I can! I think I can!
Group Dynamics — Where to hide the annoying people so they’re not constantly pissing on everybody else’s enthusiasm.
Inspiration — Resurrecting the cheer leading squad from high school to Rah! Rah! a bunch of miserable people into believing they’re having fun.
Social Media and Self Branding — I never got passed the auto-erotic S&M part of this baby, but I think you’re supposed to do it on YouTube.
Speaking with Confidence and Authenticity — Sincerity is the key. Once you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
Execution — There was no course description for this one, but it was offered as 1101, 2101, and 3102, so the possibilities are endless.
And finally, Lateral Thinking — You’re never going to get ahead in this world unless you go sideways.
And that about sums it up. We’ve created a whole layer of wannabe Julius Caesars, running back and forth across the battlefield, exhorting their imaginary legions. They run endless meetings to “facilitate” and prowl boring parties to “connect” but in the end, they don’t actually accomplish anything. And the problem is they won’t get out of the way.
3 thoughts on “Unfollow The Leader”
Thank you for an interesting and thought-provoking article. I didn’t realise there were Leadership Degrees. I never went to University on leaving school but have gained much from attending training covering much of what you list (but not quite as described!). I believe one of the main benefits is to have the opportunity to interact and benefit from mutual sharing of knowledge and life experience.
I have been a lifelong learner, despite attempts to quell this desire for new knowledge and experiences, and in later years a creative writing course has led me to doing a Social Sciences degree at University which I love (and hope to return to soon). There is nothing to replace life experience but studying at University adds another dimension which I greatly value.
It seems the ‘whole layer of wannabe Julius Caesars’ in your article didn’t attend the module on Execution, perhaps the most important of all.
Have a good day. Kay
Satire casts a big net and sometimes it traps things that shouldn’t be there.
It makes me want to read more … I like the way you write.