It’s time to shoot “awesome” in the head, drag the corpse into the street and fling it into the gutter. I’m not opposed to hyperbole, but in the 21st century, we’ve tossing around “awesome” as if it were confetti at a high school graduation. And the problem is people are beginning to believe that everything they do is a titanic effort of will that deserves congratulations. Here’s the deal. I don’t care what your friends say; you’re not “awesome” when you’re doing stuff that doesn’t take any effort. Let me demonstrate.
I don’t eat fast food – If, indeed, you are the one person on this planet who has never French kissed a Big Mac™ – so what? There is no moral advantage to eating food that’s good for you. After all, rabbits, giraffes and gophers do it every day. All you did was walk past Pizza Hut, Burger King and KFC. And hey, lady: that’s what you’re supposed to do!
I love my kids – What’s the alternative? Locking them in the basement? Parents, you don’t get extra points for actually loving those obnoxious little buggers – it’s your job! And quite frankly, if more parents spent more time doing that job instead of constantly yipping about it, we’d all be better off.
I do yoga – So do three billion other people.
I’m a feminist – To be brutally honest, being a feminist west of the Vistula is a pretty easy gig. If you’re so truly committed to the fight for women’s rights, show up in Tehran and lead a troop of bikini girls through the streets, doing the Lambada. Then you can brag about it. Here in the West, being in favour of equal rights isn’t “awesome;” it’s ordinary.
I just take things one day at a time. – This doesn’t mean you’re a free spirit or a child of wonder or any of the other New Age clichés. Why? Because everybody takes things one day at a time – that’s the way they come.
But my favourite is still:
I’m not on Facebook anymore — Yeah, I know: you mentioned it — on Twitter.