A Sideways Glare at Contemporary Society
One of the cool things about calling yourself a writer is you get to do all kinds of things that everybody else calls bone-ass lazy. Stuff like spending hours drinking coffee, taking long strolls through the Internet and staring off into space. Wordy Wordsworth called it, “… powerful feelings: … recollected in tranquility” or something like that. This “work” is essential for writers to hone their craft. The serious upside is you get to discover all kinds of interesting facts, and you have time to come up with even more interesting conclusions. Here are just a few things I’ve been pondering for the last couple of months.
There’s a town in Canada called Smithers — which means the people who live there are Smithereens.
On average, the Dutch are the tallest people in the world — even though a lot of them are standing below sea level.
Apparently, a huge bunch of people born between 1977 and 1983 are sick and tired of being lumped in with those terminally malcontent millennials. They have decided to perform a generational Brexit (Genexit?) and want to be referred to as Xennials. I can’t say I blame them.
In the future, people will look at their electronic devices and think “What a stupid icon for a telephone.”
Despite everybody and her friend claiming they broke the Internet – you can’t. The truth is the Internet is no longer vulnerable to human attack: there are just too many servers scattered across the planet. However, before you go all SkyNet/Terminator, 99.99% of all electronic devices are just dumb machines used for storage.
Humans first walked on the moon 50 years ago in 1969. That was 2 years before women got to vote nationally in Switzerland and 8 years before France quit using the guillotine for executions. Weird, huh?
One of the earliest and most persistent symptoms of lead poisoning is irritability, so it’s interesting that statistics show violent crime (aside from armed robbery) has been steadily decreasing since lead was banned from automobile fuel in the late 1980s. Coincidence? Maybe. . .
For several years, universities have been adding puppies to their “safe spaces” to combat student stress and exam anxiety. Whatever! The weird thing is nobody is willing to talk about what happens to the puppies when they’re no longer puppies. Creepy!
Over 100 hours of videos are uploaded to YouTube every minute. Wow! And, according to the last time they kept records (several years ago) it would take you approximately 93,000 years to watch everything YouTube has to offer. That is a lot of avoidance behaviour!
In the last 10 years, restaurant revenues, movie theatre revenues and department stores revenues have all declined — whereas the revenues of home delivery companies like Uber Eats, GrubHub, Netflix, Hulu and Amazon have all dramatically increased. If this trend continues, eventually millennials will never have a reason to leave their apartments. And this is a bad thing?
Andy Warhol was wrong. In the future, everybody will have 15 minutes of privacy.
I think it’s absolutely hilarious that a generation raised on South Park and Family Guy spend so much time being eagerly offended by everything. Irony is not dead.