This year, Hallowe’en is going to be different from any other time in living memory. I know — I’ve had my problems with All Hallow’s Eve recently (It used to be one of my favourite celebrations until it got hijacked by a bunch of nitwits!) but I’m not one to kick somebody when they’re down. So, rather than taking a few gratuitous shots at a holiday that’s having a hard time, I’ve decided to look elsewhere for something to write about — and I found it!
Once again, Kim Kardashian has gone out of her way to tell you – point blank — just how much she thinks it sucks to be you. She gave herself a 40th birthday party torn out of the pages of Decadent Weekly. This particular debauch was held on a private island, and all attendees were tested, quarantined, disinfected, sanitized, sterilized and washed — toes to tonsils — before they were allowed anywhere near the Queen of CyberSleaze. Kim herself was in fine form, harnessed into a dress specially engineered to make the jiggly bits stand still and to showcase Silicon Valley. She had enough makeup on that no virus could possibly fight its way through and walked on tottering heels as though she were following an imaginary plow. (You go, girl!) Most of the other women had that glazed look of one-too-many shots of Botox (no smiling or you’ll crack the paint!) and the men were, as usual, forgettable. There were enough “candid” photos to satisfy even the tweeniest of tweens and so many bent-knee poses that I’m certain Barbie was jealous. And the whole mess was documented on Twitter with a tease that there was more coming soon to a television near you.
So what’s the big deal? Just another set of cyber-celebrities strutting their stuff on Twitter – happens every day. After all, everybody knows that, despite the hype, we’re NOT all in this together, and pandemic or no, rich celebrities are doing rich celebrity stuff all the time. Ho-hum! Nor was the backlash anything special. Calling Kim Kardashian “tone-deaf” is like calling Kim Jong-un a dictator. The Kardashian crowd doesn’t care what you think. These are the folks who would recapture Free Willy and turn him into corsets and perfume if they thought it would give them five more minutes on Instagram. Actually, the closest anyone got to criticism was Colin Hanks’ “Let them eat cake!” But no, this wasn’t a modern Marie Antoinette, hobbling around a Tahitian Versailles. It was more Louis XIV meets Wal-Mart. One suspects the partygoers were drinking Dom Pérignon laced with Red Bull, dining on roast flamingo stuffed with M&Ms and playing Clue with a real murder. It was all very nouveau gauche without it actually being nouveau anymore. The festivities were clearly “been there/done that” tired. And the “inner circle” looked like they were trying way too hard to convince the peasants that tawdry wasn’t a chore.
In the 21st century, we’ve all seen lavish parties. George and Amal rented the Grand Canal in Venice, for God’s sake! A lot of celebrities own their own islands, but the Kardashians still have to rent theirs. And the ship they’re taking these days has already sailed. The once mighty Kardashian brand shares the spotlight with a B-list actress from Suits who wants to be the Queen of Southern California; Ellen, the world’s nastiest sycophant; and a pack of snapping rappers. By Monday, Kimmie’s birthday bash will be all but forgotten. Kardashian relevance is getting lost in the Social Media conflagration they created, but, more importantly, the Cult of Celebrity is losing its charm. The world has moved on.