Happy Birthday, Kim!

This year, Hallowe’en is going to be different from any other time in living memory.  I know — I’ve had my problems with All Hallow’s Eve recently (It used to be one of my favourite celebrations until it got hijacked by a bunch of nitwits!) but I’m not one to kick somebody when they’re down.  So, rather than taking a few gratuitous shots at a holiday that’s having a hard time, I’ve decided to look elsewhere for something to write about — and I found it!

Once again, Kim Kardashian has gone out of her way to tell you – point blank — just how much she thinks it sucks to be you.  She gave herself a 40th birthday party torn out of the pages of Decadent Weekly.  This particular debauch was held on a private island, and all attendees were tested, quarantined, disinfected, sanitized, sterilized and washed — toes to tonsils — before they were allowed anywhere near the Queen of CyberSleaze.  Kim herself was in fine form, harnessed into a dress specially engineered to make the jiggly bits stand still and to showcase Silicon Valley.  She had enough makeup on that no virus could possibly fight its way through and walked on tottering heels as though she were following an imaginary plow.  (You go, girl!)  Most of the other women had that glazed look of one-too-many shots of Botox (no smiling or you’ll crack the paint!) and the men were, as usual, forgettable.  There were enough “candid” photos to satisfy even the tweeniest of tweens and so many bent-knee poses that I’m certain Barbie was jealous.  And the whole mess was documented on Twitter with a tease that there was more coming soon to a television near you. 

So what’s the big deal?  Just another set of cyber-celebrities strutting their stuff on Twitter – happens every day.  After all, everybody knows that, despite the hype, we’re NOT all in this together, and pandemic or no, rich celebrities are doing rich celebrity stuff all the time.  Ho-hum!  Nor was the backlash anything special.  Calling Kim Kardashian “tone-deaf” is like calling Kim Jong-un a dictator.  The Kardashian crowd doesn’t care what you think.  These are the folks who would recapture Free Willy and turn him into corsets and perfume if they thought it would give them five more minutes on Instagram.  Actually, the closest anyone got to criticism was Colin Hanks’ “Let them eat cake!”  But no, this wasn’t a modern Marie Antoinette, hobbling around a Tahitian Versailles.  It was more Louis XIV meets Wal-Mart.  One suspects the partygoers were drinking Dom Pérignon laced with Red Bull, dining on roast flamingo stuffed with M&Ms and playing Clue with a real murder.  It was all very nouveau gauche without it actually being nouveau anymore.  The festivities were clearly “been there/done that” tired.  And the “inner circle” looked like they were trying way too hard to convince the peasants that tawdry wasn’t a chore. 

In the 21st century, we’ve all seen lavish parties.  George and Amal rented the Grand Canal in Venice, for God’s sake!  A lot of celebrities own their own islands, but the Kardashians still have to rent theirs.  And the ship they’re taking these days has already sailed.  The once mighty Kardashian brand shares the spotlight with a B-list actress from Suits who wants to be the Queen of Southern California; Ellen, the world’s nastiest sycophant; and a pack of snapping rappers.  By Monday, Kimmie’s birthday bash will be all but forgotten.  Kardashian relevance is getting lost in the Social Media conflagration they created, but, more importantly, the Cult of Celebrity is losing its charm.  The world has moved on.  

Are We Stupid or What?

stupidSometimes I think we’re living in the stupidest time period of all history and if we get any stupider we’re going start eating each other.   And I’m not talking about ‘tell me the difference between fusion and fission” stupid; I’m talking about “stuck for an answer” stupid.  Personally, I don’t care.  The optimist in me says, “Saner heads will eventually prevail.”   However, I do wish we’d stop running around congratulating each other and finally admit that most of the people who are supposed to  know better never quite get their IQ above room temperature.  It would make it so much easier for regular people to function and get a few things done.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I understand every human being has something to contribute to society.  However, where’s the law that says every contribution is a positive one?  Let me demonstrate.  Remember that group project you did in high school.  And remember that one jerk who did all the jawing but whose major contribution was wasting tons of time playing catch-up ‘cause mostly he didn’t bother to show up?  And didn’t you end up doing most of his work for him ‘cause you knew he wouldn’t get it done?  Wasn’t he the one who got the same B plus as you did?  Any of this ring a bell?  Now, broaden your outlook to the wider world.  Remember, that same jerk graduated when you did, and, believe me, his diploma wasn’t a magic talisman that changed his entire personality!  Look around you.  There are way more of them out there than there are of us.  Again, let me demonstrate.

It’s no secret that there’s a war going on in this world against women.  Look in any direction but north and women are getting stomped on, beaten up, raped, killed and incinerated.  Female teachers are being shot; female students are dodging bats, bullets and bags of acid just to go to school.  And whatever you do, stay off the buses.  In some parts of the world, women aren’t allowed to drive or even ride a bicycle.  Generally, that’s a moot point though, because in many places, they aren’t allowed out of the house without a male escort anyway — and in others they’re not allow out at all.  And here’s one for WTF logic: in more than one country, the penalty for rape is public stoning…to death…for the victim!

However, take a look at every “Women’s” magazine (paper or electronic) anywhere in the Western world, and what’s the top story?  (You don’t even have to guess.)  Right after “Get Organized, You Lazy Lump” and “How to Drive Your Man Crazy in Bed” – it’s Kim Kardashian’s New Year’s pregnancy dress.  Yep, Kimmie and Kanye are going to have a baby!  Stop the Internet: we’re going viral!  Frankly, I don’t see what the big deal is.  Did anybody really believe the King and Queen of Obnoxious could control themselves once they saw the Baby Making headlines Kate and William Windsor generated?  Besides, what did everybody think she and Kanye were doing — playing Scrabble™ (Words With Friends™ if you’re under 30?)

My point is when the smartest business couple since Brad and Angelina gostupid1 gunning for revenue at the bottom of the intellectual barrel, there’s got to be something to it.  These two have been harvesting coin of the realm out of the proletariat for years.  They know what they’re doing.  They realized that our society has a limited vision of the world, and they’ve carved their lucrative niche out of it.  They’ve marketed smut and anger (with a side order of drama) as if they were lowlife Happy Meals™ and made ga-millions of dollars doing it.  I’m certain that Kim and Kanye will skank off into the sunset like Paris and Nicole did before them.  However, until they do, their unquestioned celebrity is living proof that our society is on the verge of imploding under the weight of its own ignorance.

But what the hell do you expect from a world whose standard response to every statement from “Good morning.” to “Freddy Krueger just cut off my head with a chainsaw!” is “Awesome!”?