Author: wdfyfe

Before WD called himself a writer, he worked at a number of different jobs from stacking lumber to interior design. He studied English at UBC and creative writing at ASU where one of his teachers, Rita Dove, taught him the importance of the tale. He has written for radio, magazines and newspapers, but never television. He’s published both fiction and nonfiction in Great Britain and the US. He reads French passably and speaks enough Spanish to get from A to B and find the toilet. He has interviewed John Cleese, Peter Ustinov, Margaret Drabble, Kenneth Branagh and enough other famous people to make him a hopeless name dropper. His not-so-secret passions are history and trivia, and he has never lost a game of Trivial Pursuit — although he did come 4th one drunken Quiz Night at the Uxbridge in Notting Hill. He lives on the Pacific Ocean, although, not close enough to see, so he spends his days looking at a computer screen. It’s a wonderful life and he has only one regret: he can’t type faster.

Black Friday: Who, What and Why?

black fridayToday is Black Friday, the ultimate orgasm of North American conspicuous consumption.  By close of business today, millions of people will have spent billions of dollars on tons of crap they couldn’t possibly need.  Not only that, but consumer debt will take a measurable leap skyward, as most people will be spending credit card money they don’t even have.  And why do we do this?  Because we have to.

It’s very fashionable these days to decry our consumer society, but I’ve noticed that the same people who are always yipping about how “Money can’t buy happiness” usually have an abundance of both.  Obviously, money can’t buy happiness — but let’s get real — it certainly takes the sting out of any bad mood I’ve ever had.  Likewise, it’s pretty hard to be genuinely joyous when your only leisure activity is lying awake at night, worrying about how to pay the rent.  I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor; take a wild guess which one I prefer.

Let’s put this thing into perspective.  Black Friday isn’t about money or shopping.  It’s way more primeval than that.  Black Friday is the hunt.  Trust me, if you scratch the 21st century off those folks camped out in front of WalMart, you’ll find a pack of spear-waving Cro-Magnon, on the prowl for mastodon.  They may have traded in their pointy sticks for an American Express card, but so what?  Grog the Caveman, wearing a sabre tooth tiger pelt, and Morgan the Media Consultant, playing with the latest iPhone, are basically the same person — separated by a few millennia of history.  It’s all about prowess.  Both of them are telling the world, “Hey!  I am a successful Homo Sapien.”

Across the length of human history, the rules haven’t changed that much.  We might all mouth the civilized platitudes (“Money isn’t everything,” etc.) but at the end of the day, successful people usually find a way to tell the world about it.  Whether it’s a solid wall of sound stereo system or an ancient, esoteric salad ingredient, the rest of us know who’s making their way in the world.  And that’s why Black Friday exists.  Bargain hunting is hunting, and loading a 60-inch TV into the back of your SUV is no different from dragging a woolly mammoth back to the cave.  So conspicuous consumption be damned!  Shop ’til you drop, North America!  It’s in your DNA.

Germaine Greer vs Caitlyn Jenner

female eunuchPaleo-feminist Germaine Greer certainly has a lot to say these days, including, “Just because you lop off your dick and then wear a dress, doesn’t make you a fucking woman.”  Nice try. Ms. Greer!  You are clearly disagreeing with the transgender community — that’s called transphobia.  Have you ever had your dick lopped off?  I think not.

It’s pretty safe to say that Germaine Greer doesn’t have a clue what contemporary feminism is all about.  Her book The Female Eunuch was written 45 years ago, and here — in the 21st century — feminist priorities are different.  For example, when asked what the hardest thing about being a woman in 2015 was, Caitlyn Jenner, Glamour Magazine‘s Woman of the Year replied, “Figuring out what to wear.”  It’s obvious that the world has moved on since the days when economic and political inequality dominated the feminist narrative.  Shaved legs and push-up bras are back in style, Ms. Greer.  Have you ever been named Glamour Magazine‘s Woman of the Year?  I think not.

The Female Eunuch may have been a manifesto of gender equality back in the day, but most contemporary feminists have probably never read it.  Today’s feminism is more about inclusion that strives to shape all women (including transgender women) into one single, unified voice.  That’s why more than 3,000 people at Cardiff University signed a petition which demanded Ms. Greer not be allowed to speak at that institute of higher learning.  Sadly, Greer refused to bend under the pressure and spoke anyway.  But what do you expect from a woman who once willingly battled arch-conservative William F. Buckley in a debate at Oxford University, when clearly, contemporary feminists would never have allowed Buckley and his knuckle-dragging views on campus in the first place?  Today, many feminists stand together to silence unacceptable views and opinions, Ms Greer.  Do you support these women?  I think not.

This is 2015.  Germaine Greer is a 76-year-old privileged white academic.  Throughout history, the opinions of old ladies have usually been overlooked or ignored.  On the other hand, Caitlyn Jenner is, by definition, a female eunuch.  And it seems, for the foreseeable future anyway, the Kardashian women will be setting the feminist agenda.  Oh, God!  I hope not!

Winning The War On Terror

terrorismWe can win the War on Terror but, quite honestly, I don’t think we have the stomach for it yet.  Remember, we live in a society were mere discussion can send us scurrying for our “safe space.”   A society that issues warnings on innocuous television programs and needs trigger words to alert us to the possibility of distasteful conversation.  We live in a society where the most heinous crime of all is offending someone.  Personally, I think we’re quite content to battle evil with flowers and teddy bears and candlelight vigils in some sort of sad celebration of a moral victory.  It’s ’cause we believe moral victories are the bestest ones and that the institutions which guarantee us the leisure to celebrate them (or whatever) are unassailable.  These are adolescent assumptions and they’re wrong.  So until we grow up and deal with terrorism like adults, the body counts are going to mount.  But what the hell — maybe somebody’s listening.

First of all, this is the 21st century.  The military tactics of the 20th century don’t work anymore and  there is no longer any gallantry, glory or noblesse oblige in war.  It’s only nasty, brutal and mean.  Know this.  If you want the moral high ground, don’t fight in the first place.

Secondly, the Enlightenment is a European concept.  Like it or don’t, over 80% of the world has no cultural memory of it.  We believe that the rule of law, personal liberty, tolerance and representative democracy are universal truths.  They’re not.  They’re the luxuries of a successful society.  Strive as we might for these ideals, the real truth is the majority of the people on this planet don’t give a rat’s ass for them — if they understand them in the first place.  Thinking that jihadists and their buddies are one ballot box away from playing nice is naive stupidity.

So — What is to be done?
We have to bring all of our military, economic, technological, creative and industrial power to bear on this, people!  We need to put the jihadists in our crosshairs and take the fight to them and their friends.

One — Eldridge Cleaver said “There is no more neutrality in the world. You either have to be part of the solution, or you’re going to be part of the problem.”  We need to remember this — always — and make certain the rest of the world understands it.

Two — Cut off the cash.  Terrorism is an expensive proposition, and the last time I looked, ISIS wasn’t holding any bake sales to finance it.  Their money is coming from somewhere — idiot donors, misguided do-gooders, Iranian Ayatollahs, out-and-out petro-corruption?  Who cares?  We need to bankrupt the donors, whoever they are.  We need to make supporting jihad a luxury nobody can afford.

Three — Disrupt their communication.  Anonymous’ declaration of war against ISIS is a good start, but we need to shut everything down.  We have an abundance of basement-dwelling hackers in the West who would be more than happy to create chaos across the ISIS Internet.  Turn them loose!  They’ll probably do it for free — and sit back and watch Paris Hilton’s Sex Tape popping up on laptops and Smart phones all over the Middle East.

Four — Destroy their recruitment.  We need to make fun of these people.  We need to mock them without mercy.  We need SNL skits, YouTube videos, Amy Schumer, Jimmy Fallon, Ricky Gervais and a lot of other standup comics.  We need to have our creative people change the romantic guerilla fighter image (a la Che Guevara) into something that looks and acts like Norville “Shaggy” Rogers from Scooby-doo.  Terrorism is a young person’s game, and the one thing young people hate above all else is looking ridiculous.  Trust me!  If we make the jihadists look like a bunch of bumbling clowns, it will literally destroy their recruitment.

Five — Get serious.  No more hand wringing and navel gazing.  We need to bring the fight to the jihadists — today.  The French are doing it!  Advocating violence against any group, including Christians, crusaders, Jews, secularists and infidels is a hate crime.  Anybody promoting jihad should be arrested immediately.  We have enough complicated laws (and shyster lawyers) to keep the ones who survive tangled up behind bars for years — we should do it.  And BTW, if they resist, martyrdom is the coward’s way out — accommodate them.

Six — Don’t get impatient.  That means no boots on the ground.  Unless we’re willing to occupy vast sections of the Middle East for a couple of hundred years while we build the institutions, the education and the attitudes of a liberal democracy — no boots on the ground.  Arm and train anyone who opposes these murderers, but no boots on the ground.  Bomb anything bigger than a shopping cart any place jihadists claim as home turf, but no boots on the ground.

And finally:

Living well is the best revenge.  We need to enjoy life.  We need to drink and eat and dance and sing and kiss and laugh and do all the things our privileged society allows us to do.  We’re not hiding in a hole in the middle of the desert; they are.

terrorism1