Summer isn’t over yet, but it’s so close I can smell the leaves thinking about dropping off the trees. Yahoo! So, it’s time to get serious again ’cause serious is the new sexy. (Well — not really — but smart guys can dream.) Anyway, sexy is that elusive quality that some people have and most people want. Personally, I think it’s hidden away in our DNA somewhere, just screaming to get out. Unfortunately, most of us are kinda deaf. Fortunately, though, after years of research, I’ve come up with a few clothing ideas guaranteed to transform the inner dork we all possess into the sensual creature we all want to be. So forget leather and lace, folks: here’s what you need to look sexy — and if ya look sexy, you’re gonna feel sexy — and if ya feel sexy, trust me, that’s all ya need.
Boots — A gentlemen might wear Oxford brogues, but bad boys wear boots.
Slingback heels — Leave the stilettos in the closet, girls; they’re overkill. Sexy is subtle. All you need is enough heel to make that light, crisp click when you walk — ’cause that tells the world you’re female.
Gloves — I don’t even have to explain this one.
Matching underwear — Nobody knows but you, and there’s nothing sexier than secrets.
An Armani suit — Women look at Armani the way men look at lingerie.
Tight White T-shirts — This inexpensive little item transcends gender. Keep it tight, keep it electric white, and — whatever you do — don’t go nuts with the neckline.
Levis — Like the t-shirt, levis don’t care if you’re male or female, but when they’re worn properly, even the casual observer should be able to tell the difference — from a distance.
A Hat — Ladies only. Unfortunately, most men have no idea how to wear a hat properly, and they usually end up looking like somebody’s Uncle Ernie. On the other hand, give a woman — any woman — a hat and she’s suddenly more sophisticated — and a helluva lot more fun.
But the sexiest thing on the planet is:
Sunglasses — If the eyes are the windows of the soul, sunglasses make everyone mysterious — the central ingredient in sexy. Sunglasses are made for spies, movie stars and fighter pilots. But the weird thing is you don’t even have to wear sunglasses to be sexy. Just put them in your hair, hang them from your shirt or, hell, even hold them in your hand. Take them off with one hand, put them on with two, twist them, twirl them, chew on their ends. Even the simple gesture of tilting them down to peek over the top is worth two Don Juans and a Mata Hari. Total sex! The fact is, sunglasses are so sexy they ought to be “adults only.”
Taylor Swift has a new album out. Coincidentally (nudge/nudge wink/wink) she launched it right after a boatload of media attention over a lawsuit she had against some guy who allegedly grabbed her ass four years ago. According to the evidence, a DJ in Denver decided it was open season on one of the most famous bums on the planet, and as the cameras rolled, he copped a feel. You can’t actually see him do it, but Swift maintains he did. For my money, given Swift’s reputation for musical revenge, that was a pretty stupid move. In fact, if he actually did it, this guy’s got to be the dumbest dumbass of the century! Of course, if he didn’t do it — well — nobody really cares about that because Swift was always going to win the lawsuit anyway. Why? Because Taylor Swift; that’s why! Think about it. Any ruling against Ms. Swift’s allegations would have unleashed a Social Media tsunami. The Internet mob would have risen up in holy indignation and dragged the judge through the cyberstreets by his cojones. The members of the jury would have been hunted down and put to the lash. Jobs would have been lost and reputations ruined. (We’ve seen it before.) Honestly, death threats would have been the least of that jury’s worries. Fortunately, none of that happened. What happened was the judge and jury made the judicious decision, dodged a digital bullet and walked away. Team Taylor generated a pile of free publicity and put their client back on the celebrity A-list. Taylor Swift became the reigning queen of Tweenie Girl Power. The DJ from Denver slithered away into the ooze of obscurity from which he came. And — oh, yeah: Ms. Swift is about to haul in a shedload of cash from her latest kiss-and-yell musical adventure.
Everybody knows that the death of one person is a terrible tragedy but the death of a million people is simply a statistic. Like it or don’t, that’s just the way our minds work. We perceive some things to be different even when logic and reason tell us they are the same. This is an intuitive response our species developed back in prehistory when an instant judgement call decided whether we would have dinner or be dinner. Here in the 21st century, we don’t think about it much and can’t really explain it when we do, but it remains — stuck in our psychic DNA. Here are a few ordinary examples that demonstrate why we instinctively know some things are different even though they might appear to be the same. Feel free to add to the list.
WD Fyfe 