Category: Social Media

Groundhog Day (not the movie)

groundhogToday, in North America, it’s Groundhog Day.  For the uninitiated, Groundhog Day is one of those folksy occasions when everybody from Malibu to Manhattan pretends we all still live in villages.  The irony is it’s almost exclusively a mass media event, and although some of us might see it on TV, the vast majority mostly miss it and literally nobody I’ve ever even heard of has participated in person.  Here’s the deal.

There’s no heavy tradition behind Groundhog Day.  It was born and raised in the mind of Clymer H. Freas, a newspaper editor in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania.  Sometime in the 1880s, he cobbled together some German folklore into a midwinter event that would bring local people into his town to spend money.  From there, it swept across North America until it became woven into the fabric of our society.  That’s it!

So, on February 2nd, all over the continent, various local notables trot out a groundhog or a reasonable facsimile (Alaska uses a marmot: New Orleans, a coypu.) the cameras roll and everybody waits to see what happens.  According the Groundhog Day rules, if the groundhog sees his shadow (a sunny day) he will be frightened, go back into his den (cage) and there will be six more weeks of winter.  However, if he doesn’t see his shadow (a cloudy day) he’ll hang out for a while and spring is on the way.  There is absolute no mention of hordes of people scaring the crap out of him, or what happens if he’s a tough little bastard and shadows don’t scare him.  Meteorology by rodent is obviously not an exact science.

However, trying to explain the apathetic popularity of Groundhog Day to someone who didn’t grow up with it is like trying to explain baseball to a Borneo head hunter or McDonalds to the French.  They look at you like a Labrador puppy trying to figure out “Fetch!” (It’s the head tilt.)

But, despite the fact that virtually nobody in North America really cares about Groundhog Day — nobody wishes anybody “Happy Groundhog Day,” nobody marks it on the calendar (as in, “I don’t want to miss that action!”) or even makes any effort to attend the various ceremonies — we all still know about it, talk about it, and understand it.  It’s like Kim Kardashian’s bum: it exists in our collective consciousness, but for no apparent reason.  And that’s the magic of North American culture: most of it simply exists, without explanation, and Groundhog Day is a perfect example.

What A Week!

statueWow!  For a regular, low sun, mid winter, stay-at-home-and-eat-soup week, a lot of stuff happened in the world.

It turns out Vladimir Putin, the guy who does mean bastard even in his sleep, was accused of accumulating (“stealing” is such a hard word) tons of money — billions, apparently.  Think about it!  “Russian Oligarchy” has been a cliché for ruthless corruption ever since Boris Yeltsin discovered Smirnoff, and this is news?  I don’t think so!  If it was reported Putin was actually poor and was doing all his various vicious dictator stuff for free — that would be news.

Barbie now has three new sizes: curvy, petite and tall.  Excellent marketing ploy by Mattel. Now little girls will be able to understand the total frustration of not being able to buy any cool clothes — that actually fit — long before they have to face that for real, as adults.

The world has gotten just a little grumpier.  Facebook decided that we don’t have to automatically “Like” everything we set our eyes on, anymore.  Apparently, Mark Zuckerberg thinks his customers are now mature enough to handle a few other emotions.  They are (or will be) Love, Haha, Wow, Sad, and Angry.  When journalists asked when these new emotions will be available (as in, “Are we there, yet?”)  Zuckerberg answered, “Preettty soooon!”

And finally:

When it comes to WTF moments, nothing beats the Italian government covering up nude statues because the Iranian leader, Hassan Rouhani, showed up in Rome for a visit.  It seems Iranian politicos don’t like what goes on under our clothes, so the Italians chose to accommodate them.  It’s like saying, “Yeah, we had this thing called the Renaissance, but if it bothers you, we’ll just shut up about it.”  No big deal, really.  After all, the Iranians have promised they don’t want to nuke us anymore, and besides, the last time Europe took a Moslem threat seriously was the Battle of Lepanto in 1571.  The thing that blows me away, though, is there was no media outcry, no blogosphere explosion, no #ain’titawful on Twitter and not one arts organization — from the Ural Mountains to the Atlantic Ocean — got up on its hind legs and said, “Hold it!  That’s the foundation of Western culture you’re messing with.”  So much for artistic integrity!

What a week!  I’m sure glad tomorrow’s Saturday.

Oscar is a Grouch (2016)

hollywoodOnly an idiot would get involved in Hollywood’s current Oscar controversy, and my mom didn’t raise any dummies.  It’s been my experience that when a bunch of millionaires are lining up to do battle, we common folk better head for the exits.  However, when entertainers try to be serious, there’s always the opportunity for some serious entertainment.

Some people say (but I’m not one of them) that this entire Oscar debacle started when Will Smith didn’t get a Best Actor nomination for Concussion.  When you’re one of the coolest people on the planet (and a billion-dollar box office asset) you normally get what you want — whenever you want it — so it’s understandable that when Oscar said to Will, “Sorry, not this year,” his response was “WTF?”  Unfortunately, when your carefully crafted image is one of the coolest people on the planet, you can’t actually say WTF out loud — ya gotta dress it up a little bit.  So the reason the Oscar grapes are sour is ’cause they’re just too damn monochromatic, and apparently nobody noticed that before (including both times Will Smith was nominated for an Oscar in the past.)  Anyway, the entire entertainment community is now in a politically correct conundrum — and it’s not pretty.  What to do?  What to do?

Lucky for us, movie stars are smart.  (After all, what would the world do without their wise and thoughtful political insights?)  The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences will find a way out of this mess — the show must go on.

However, should they need some help … some people (but I’m not one of them) have offered this solution.  Raise the stakes, up the ante, show some muscle and invite Caitlyn Jenner to Oscar night.  Who in their wildest politically correct nightmare would boycott that?  Plus, and this is where the bike helmet meets the pavement, have her present the Oscar for Best Actor.  After all, Eddie Redmayne’s going to win for The Danish Girl.  Let’s face it, folks: this is definitely not going to be Leonardo DiCaprio’s year.  Even with his politically correct crocodile tears over climate change, the guy is just like so-o-o white, he’s blue.  (This is in no way an insensitive reference to DiCaprio’s death scene in Titanic, nor to the number of times he would have died of hypothermia if The Revenant was real.)

Some people (but I’m not one of them) think it’s hilarious that the politically correct Hollywood Hydra is now eating its own tail.  It’s a good thing I’m not involved, or I’d be laughing my ass off right now.

Disclaimer!  The politically incorrect views and opinions expressed in this blog are those of “some people” and do not necessarily reflect or represent the views or opinions held by WD Fyfe.
All characters and events in this blog — even those based on real people — are entirely fictional.  Any resemblance to persons living or dead is only in their own minds.
No actors were injured in the writing of this blog.