Think About It!

thinkPeople don’t think anymore.  I’m not talking about stupid people, although the 21st century seems to have an extra ration of them.  Nor am I talking about daydreaming, the gentle art of thinking about everything and nothing, all at the same time.  I’m talking about the act of thinking.  The activity whose only purpose is to produce thoughts (random and otherwise.)  Basically, we’re so damn busy doing stuff that we never actually think.  Our multitasking universe just doesn’t allow for it.  It’s considered lazy.  So we fill our random time with “busy” that looks and feels like we’re doing something.  The problem is it’s mostly crap like playing with our phones or watching TV.  But we believe action (even something as passive as surfing YouTube) is better than just staring off into space, thinking about it.  Horse feathers!

Take a look at Newton.  The reason Sir Isaac figured out gravity was he was sitting under the apple tree in the first place — doing nothing.  (BTW, I know the story’s a myth but …)  My point is, instead of texting his BFF John Locke a picture of an apple, Newton took the time to contemplate why the apple fell to the ground instead of just floating in the air.  Voila!  Gravity!

I realize we’re not all scientific geniuses like Newton and for the most part ordinary thoughts are — well — ordinary, but so what?  The purpose of thinking is to give the mind something to do.

Look at the person running on a treadmill.  They’re not fleeing for their lives; they’re not chasing anything; they’re not even going anywhere.  Actually, it’s a useless activity except common wisdom dictates people who don’t exercise end up sloppy, fat bastards, lying on a sofa, eating Doritos and watching old Michael Bay movies for the storyline.  Eeeww!

The mind works the same way.  If we don’t exercise it, our decision making, problem-solving and critical analysis become flabby.  A meme is easier to read than an essay, a soundbyte easier to analyze than a debate, and simple problems become overwhelming.  It’s a dangerous road we’re travelling, and if we’re not careful, we could end up in a society wallowing in celebrity worship, entirely dominated by Kim Kardashian’s bum, Donald Trump’s hairstyle and … Hey! Wait a minute … I think I’m going to go find a tree and just sit there for awhile.

I’M AN ENGLISH MAJOR!

english7I wrote most of this two years ago and I can’t believe I’ve got to say it all again.

This week, I had another run-in with techies.  I realize they’re the high priests of contemporary society, Steve Jobs is the Messiah and if I don’t click the binary stations of the cross in the correct sequence, I’ll never get to heaven.  Big wow!  I’m a cyber-atheist.  For my money, I can wipe out your entire pseudo religion with a pencil and a piece of paper, so don’t get all high and mighty with me.  Look, you know-it-all nerds, I’ve had it with your oh-so-superior attitude.  I’m an English Major and I can do pompous ass better than you ever thought of.  (Yeah, that’s a preposition at the end of a sentence.  What are you going to do about it, tough guy?)  Just to set the record straight — English Majors were arrogant dicks centuries before you geeks ever had a squad.  We were looking down our noses at regular folk when technology was still a quill pen.  And as far as we’re concerned, you jerks are just digital messenger boys for our ironic mixed metaphors and satirical similes.  So, know your role and shut your mouth.

And never forget, back in high school, while you were playing Space Invaders and having auto-erotic experiences with the Yearbook cheerleaders, I was in the only guy in the Poetry Club. (Do the math!)

I’m Still On Vacation

There are seven billion people in the world, but our massive entertainment industry is clearly running out of faces. Check it out!

twins zooey katy

Zooey Deschanel and Katy Perry

twins will chad

Will Ferrell and Chad Smith

twins Joaquin Rufus

Rufus Sewell and Joaquin Phoenix

twins frodo harry

David Radcliffe and Elijah Wood

twins frodo harry 1

Harry Potter and Frodo Baggins

twins julia erika

Julia Stiles and Erika Christensen

twins javier jeffery

Javier Bardem and Jeffery Morgan

twins amy isla

Amy Adams and Isla Fisher

twins natalie kiera

Natalie Portman and Keira Knightley

twins sarah peggy

Sarah Palin and Peggy Hill

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Writers never go on vacation.  They just turn off their computers and hide for a while.  That’s exactly what I’m doing for the next couple of weeks.  Enjoy!