Emily And Dreyfus – Fiction

Candlestick

The late afternoon was wet and chilly and Emily, tucked into her bulk- knit sweater and fat hygge socks, was half asleep when the telephone rang.  At first, she didn’t understand: no one had ever called the land line before.  But then she recognized the sound and swung her legs off the sofa.  She put her book down and slip stepped across the smooth hardwood floor to the kitchen wall.  The mid ring stopped when she picked up the receiver.

“We need to talk.  Tonight at eight.”

“I’m sorry?”

There was an electric hum.

“Tell Sinclair.”

And an audible click.

Emily looked at the telephone as if it was its fault.

“Shit!” she said, and placed the receiver back on the wall.  She stood there for moment.  This was the problem with Dreyfus Sinclair: you couldn’t ever plan anything.  Her night of lamb kebab takeaway and naughty Greek wine by the fire had suddenly disappeared.  She went to the counter and filled the kettle.  (Never mind, my darling.  Have a nice cup of tea.)

For a second she contemplated just going back to her own apartment, but it was rainy and grey and eventually Sinclair would come home, so ….  But, the evening was ruined.  She knew Sinclair well enough to know he wasn’t going to dump the voice on the phone to curl up on the sofa with her, no matter how attractive she made it.  Oddly enough, that was one of the many things she loved about the guy.  He came when he was called – every time, without fail.  This was important to her, and she wasn’t about to abuse it for a one night stand of kebabs and wine.  Besides, Emily appreciated the clear lines between the two of them.  She had a life and she liked it, and she expected Sinclair to respect that, so it was only fair that she do the same.  Still, it made the two of them together difficult at times.  As the water heated, she went back to the sofa and picked up her phone.  Normally, they didn’t trade texts but Emily wasn’t interested in Sinclair coming home, hanging around for an hour or two and leaving again.  That was not enough time to do anything (certainly not what she had in mind) but too much time to do nothing.  She tapped the message, sent it and went back to the kettle.  She made tea, put the pot, a cup and a big bag of ginger snaps on a tray and took it back to the sofa.  Her phone buzzed and she read, “thanks see you later.”  She picked up her book, a twisting trail of dead Scandinavians.  The interesting thing was Emily had been around Dreyfus Sinclair long enough that a cryptic telephone call in the late afternoon was not the least bit unusual.

Despite what spy novels and bad movies will tell you, lonely park benches and deserted warehouses are not the best places for secret meetings.  Professionals prefer busy places.  Actually, most clandestine business is conducted in plain sight under the floating cloak of a shifting crowd.  Universities are good, or large office buildings but one of the best places for covert conversations is a hospital.  It’s very close to the perfect cover.  The assumption is anyone who is at a hospital is supposed to be there, and the people who are there are almost completely focused on themselves.  That’s why no one noticed a very ordinary, somewhat rumpled Dreyfus Sinclair come through the main entrance at St. Thomas Hospital off Westminster Bridge.  He looked like a college professor uncomfortable outside the classroom, and when he walked up to the information kiosk, the volunteers were eager to help.  He asked for directions to the cafeteria, followed the pointed fingers to the elevator and left without anybody really seeing him.  In the basement, he stood at the cafeteria entrance until he saw who he was looking for.  Then he bought a coffee in a paper cup from the long serve-yourself line.  He walked around several open spaces and sat down opposite an older man at an out of the way, round, made for four, table.

“You’re looking good, Simon,” he said, tearing open the paper sugar envelope.

“You finally got a girlfriend.”

Dreyfus smiled and stirred the sugar into his coffee. “You in London now?” he asked.

“No, I came down to see you.”

“Okay,” Dreyfus answered, content to let the old man play it out his way.

“I need your help.”

Dreyfus tilted his head and opened his palm in a helpless gesture.

“They arrested Marta.”

Dreyfus straightened in his chair. “When?”

“A week ago, in Paris.”

“Paris?”

“She and Jenna went shopping, and she got caught at some shop with a bunch of makeup.  Saffron or something.  I don’t know.  It doesn’t matter.  Jenna ran and security called the cops.”

“Why was she stealing makeup?”  It was an accusation.

“Hell, I don’t know.  Old habits I guess.” Simon raised his shoulders in frustration, “But they took her in, ran her prints and …”

Dreyfus stared into the distance over the old man’s shoulder, trying to out-manoeuver the French justice system.

“That’s not it,” Simon said, reading Sinclair’s mind.  “When they ran her prints, the boys back home got a hit — and they were in there like ugly on an ape.  They’re squeezing the gendarmes to make a trade — her for me.”

“Don’t trust them,” Dreyfus said, reaching for his coffee.

“You’re singing to the choir.  But the bait is if I don’t come in, they’re going to extradite her back to Egypt on the old Zamalek conviction.”

“She had nothing to do with any of that.”

“I know — but she was named, and if they send her back to Cairo, they’ll hang her.”

“Lawyer up.  You can twist them into knots for years.”

“Not this time.  They want me bad.  It’s a closed hearing.  And besides, even if I could get the legals to do something, how many years do Marta and I have left?  She’s got enough paper on her to throw away the key.”

“The Hague, Human Rights?”

“That’s where I’m at now, but it’s only a stall.  I need some time.”

Dreyfus took another sip of his coffee and thought about it.

“You’re going to break her out of prison?  A French prison?”

“No, but I have a plan and I need your help.”

_______________________

Emily And Dreyfus – 2

Stranded In Paradise

Cook Islands 2b

Most folks are like me — terminally ordinary.  There isn’t much more than what the world sees, and the back story is usually just about the same.  However, give any group of these “average” people a crisis, and the interesting ones will emerge from the herd like characters in an Agatha Christie novel.  Some years ago, I was privileged to observe a planeload of tourists when disaster (inconvenience?) struck.  These people are real.  I’ve left out the boring bits and glossed over the sordid parts (this is, after all, a family-friendly blog) but for the most part, this is how I remember them.

It was a trip to the South Seas.  The cunning plan was to find a shady spot, eat like Dumas, drink like Hemingway, unleash my inner Robert Louis Stevenson and write an adventure story.  Meanwhile, my beautiful and humourous companion would soak up some sun, snorkel and take award-winning photographs of everything exotic.  Good plan, great execution — and three days in, we were entirely on schedule.  I was sitting in the sun-warm morning, having my after- breakfast rum and umbrella concoction when …

“What do you think we should do?”
It was a voice from a face I kinda recognized from the airplane.
“About what?”  I asked, pulling the umbrella out of the glass.
“Canada 3000 has gone broke.  We’re stuck here.  We can’t get home.”
“Bummer.”
There was silence, so I took a drink.  More silence.  I’d missed something important.
“Well, we have to do something,” she said and walked off, hard stomps in the sand.

Over the next ten days, because we were trapped and I was a permanent fixture at a cabana close to the bar, I got to observe everybody up close and personal.  I discovered my little slice of paradise was an unsinkable lifeboat with a list of personalities worthy of Hitchcock.

There was the fat woman and her husband who showed up to The Stranded Tourist Meeting in skin-tight pink and yellow wet suits.  They looked like two gigantic Easter eggs.  Later, over frustration cocktails, they explained that they knew the scuba gear looked hideous, but, and I almost quote, “We like pink, so screw ‘em!”  It turned out their 9-to-5 job was doing English voiceover work for foreign porno films.

There was the oilman father, full of golf and Steinlager beer, his wife, mother of none and their two children, 20-something adolescents who had travelled the world on their parents’ dime.  We hung with the kids cuz they were fun.  She was beautiful, and as far as I remember, that was her career.  He was a delivery driver who lived in her spare bedroom.  One night, they danced in the moonlight surf as if they were silhouettes in a Thai shadow play.  It was weird!

There was a man and his wife who made the airline representative cry at The Stranded Tourist Meeting and were subsequently shunned by the tribe.  One night, they confessed to us that they were married — but not to each other — and were supposed to be in Dallas at a teachers’ conference.  No wonder they were stressed about getting home on time!

There were the three amigas, office worker women who had saved up all year for a two-week bikini experience – and they had a lot of bikinis.  They were broke enough to borrow money but not at all worried about it. (“We travel like this all the time.  People are always really nice to us.”)  They hitched a flight to Auckland with a German tour group and, I suppose, got home from there.

And there were the newlyweds, who discovered they shouldn’t have when the groom, in a fury of they’re-not-going-to-get-away-with-this spent his days fighting with the airline, the hotel, Visa, the Canadian government, New Zealand and a local guy named Henry – and his nights recounting the battles to anyone who would listen.  Meanwhile, Mrs. Groom wandered the resort in pretty clothes and a bottomless Singapore Sling.  After a week, she disappeared, and the rumour was she’d dumped the prince and caught a flight to Tahiti.

A week later, we followed her and from there, flew to Los Angeles — then home.  I never did write the adventure story, but for 10 years I’ve been toying with a murder mystery — except I just can’t get the characters right.

Cook Islands 1`

Parlour Games

questions

In a different life, I used to go to dinner parties.  You remember those: friends got together to eat and drink and talk about the people who weren’t there.  I used to love it when the wine outlasted the dessert and all the boors and bores would hit the road and leave the field to the serious among us.  At really, really good dinner parties, that’s when the parlour games come out.  There are a number of them (I’ve mentioned them here, before) and most are a lot of fun.  One of my favourites is quite simple: everybody takes a turn to wonder out loud about something they’ve never understood.  As the circle gets tighter, the questions get better and can provoke general agreement and/or heated discussion. Either way, most of them are interesting insights into the world around us.  Here are a few of my favourites (as close as I can remember.)

Why can Keanu Reeves be so good in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, The Matrix and John Wick and suck so badly in everything else?

Does anybody watch regular TV anymore?

Why does everybody win in Vegas — except me?

Why do they teach (3x + 2y) – 12 = (7x + 3y) even though every teacher knows it’s never going to come up in real life???

Why did August get 31 days instead of September?

Why didn’t Darth Vader remember R2D2 and C3P0?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the container?

Why do people who say they don’t believe in God, always talk about guardian angels?

How come a pizza can get to my house faster than the cops?

Who cares if a tree falls in the forest?

Why do potatoes have more chromosomes than people do?

How come people who say outlawing guns won’t change anything still think that making drugs illegal will?
How come people who say outlawing drugs won’t change anything still think that making guns illegal will?

Why are brushing your hair and brushing your teeth such totally different activities?

Why do dogs hang their heads out the window of a car moving at 60 kph but hate it when you blow in their faces?

Who owns the Internet?

How does aspirin know the difference between a headache and a sore knee?

Why do tornados always attack trailer parks?

Why, whenever there’s a riot anywhere in the world, are the protest signs always in English?

What is déjà vu “really?”

Is the light at the end of the tunnel that people say they see when they’re about to die, just being born again?  (I think somebody cheated on this one – just sayin’.)

Why didn’t Gandalf just fly Frodo to the top of Mount Doom on the eagles that rescued him?

Is calling it Mother Nature just a sneaky way of saying God?

Why, when adults talk to kids, dogs and old people, do they use the same voice?

Why do light years measure distance, not time?

Why didn’t Samantha Stevens realize she was sleeping with the wrong Darren?

And my personal favourite:

Is Harry Potter just a psychotic kid who made up the whole Hogwarts thing to cope with his miserable life, living under the stairs?