Harrison Ford, You Ignorant Slut!

Harrison-FordI like Harrison Ford.  He might not be the best actor on the planet but when you’ve been Han Solo, Indiana Jones, Jack Ryan and Rick Deckard, all in one lifetime, do you really need to play Hamlet?  I don’t think so!   The problem is, lately, Harrison Ford has been missing a few rungs on the credibility ladder and he’s about to pull a Peter Pan and freefall into jackass territory.

I was willing to forgive Ford one last hurrah in Indiana Jones VS The Crystal Aliens — or whatever.   Okay, the movie was bad — all the way from Shia LaBeouf to flying CGI monkeys .  There were too many gophers, not enough plot, character or development and, no, you can’t escape nuclear annihilation by hiding in your refrigerator.  But, it was still Indiana Jones, with, I might add, Cate Blanchett as the villain, and OMG that’s Marion Ravenwood!  So, I ate my popcorn and shut my mouth.

Fast forward to George Lucas selling out Star Wars (where have we heard that before?) and the new owner, Disney, cashing in on the biggest cash cow since the mouse himself with yet another Star Wars movie.  Big problem!

The original Star Wars was released nearly forty years ago — it’s twice as old as half the people on earth — and, ladies and gentlemen, so are the cast and crew.  Yet word around the campfire is Han Solo and company are coming out of the Seniors’ Facility on Naboo to help propel a new generation of Star Warriors into battle.  Has Disney gone nuts?  These people were grandparents a generation ago.  Luke and Leia are using The Force for regularity, and Chewbacca has a walker, if he can move at all.  But let’s take a reality check.  Last year, Harrison Ford (aka Han) stumbled over a movie set and broke his leg and just recently he crashed his plane into a golf course in Santa Monica.  Are we expected to believe this guy can still pilot the Millennium Falcon?  At my house, we don’t even let Grampy play with the remote control.  Still, I’m an optimist, so, despite the problems, I’m taking a wait and see attitude.

Now here’s where the bike helmet hits the highway.  They’re making a sequel to Blade RunnerBlade Runner?  Just a damn minute!  Ridley Scott, if you want to poop on the legacy of an entire generation, go someplace else and do it.  You’re getting as bad as George Lucas, for God’s sake.  But that isn’t the worst of it.  They’re resurrecting Harrison Ford to play Rick Deckard and Ford has agreed to do it.  In the 21st century, integrity isn’t even a word anymore.

I’m done.  Ford, look at yourself.  Aren’t you the least bit embarrassed by what you’re becoming?  What next?  American Graffiti: The Retirement Years