Conspiracy Theories

conspiracyThe world is full of conspiracy theories and they’re all bullshit.  The Masons didn’t start World War I.  Rockefeller and the Rothchilds didn’t organize the Stock Market Crash in 1929.  Aliens didn’t land in Roswell, New Mexico.  The Mafia didn’t kill Kennedy.  Neil Armstrong did walk on the moon, and — for God’s sake — Dick Cheney didn’t take down the Twin Towers on 9/11 for Haliburton or anyone else.  What a boatload of nonsense!

I have a friend who loves these conspiracies.  He saves them up to vex me.  He’s one of the smartest people I know, but he’s absolutely convinced that we’re being lied to by any number of secret societies and/or government agencies.  To be fair, in the age of Julian Assange and Edward Snowden, he’s got a point.  However, it’s a huge stretch from the Ministry of Finance fudging the unemployment numbers to the Illuminati keeping aliens in the basement of the White House.

Everybody knows that conspiracy theories can be a lot of fun when you’ve opened that second bottle of wine after dinner, but the next morning?  Please!  Here’s the deal.  Every single conspiracy theory works on the same set of assumptions.  So let me put them to rest.

1 — One doesn’t not find overwhelming scientific evidence on The Discovery Channel, A&E, Facebook, Twitter or some out-of-print book you bought at Goodwill.  Sorry!  Overwhelming scientific evidence is that mountain of totally boring crap that the world’s scientific community generally agrees on.  In any reasonable discussion, it is their expertise that takes precedence — not some guy on YouTube, who claims to be an eye witness.  And, BTW, just because you and your girlfriend agree it’s a scientific fact, that doesn’t make it so.  Actually, without serious documentation it isn’t even a fact.

2 — The mainstream media has not been either cowed or coerced into ignoring some of the greatest news stories of all time.  Use your head!  Kim Kardashian flashes her North West Passage on Instagram, and every news outlet from Malibu to Mars covers it.  The reason Fox, CNN, MSNBC, BBC and Al Jazeera aren’t going wall-to-wall on the Alien Autopsy is because there never was one.

3 — It’s not reasonable to believe that a secret society and/or government agency capable of harnessing the huge resources needed to perpetrate a vast, worldwide conspiracy will then make a series of stupid mistakes that point directly to their nefarious purpose – errors so glaring that a teenager with a Pause button can figure them out in less than an hour.  Or even worse, why would a secret society and/or government agency ever leave an array of clues which actually reveal their cunning plan?  That kinda defeats the whole purpose of having a conspiracy in the first place.

4 — Likewise, in the army of people needed to pull off even the simplest cover-up — from the original planners to the guy who makes the sandwiches — it beggars belief that not one person, in not one conspiracy, ever had a crisis of conscience and suddenly confessed.  The laws of anti-chance alone dictate that somebody, somewhere, got drunk one night and told their lover – or their mother what they’re doing in Area 51.  Imagine, the joint custody dad in the messy divorce, “Look kids, aliens!  Betcha mom and her fancy man can’t do that?  Who’s the coolest dad EVER!”

I could go on for pages, documenting every conspiracy theory ever known for the hopeless Swiss cheese it is, but a picture is worth a thousand words.  Check out this very short Ted Talks video from Rives.  It is the ultimate mini-documentary on conspiracy theories.