Tag: Fashion

Women Can’t Win

hillaryOkay, folks, this is 2016.  We’re a decade and a half into the 21st century, 300 years beyond The Enlightenment, over 120 years since women first voted on this planet, but, for some strange reason, we still have to put up with this crap.

Take a look.

Eight years ago, everybody and her sister was calling Hillary Clinton frumpy for her infinite collection of pantsuits — up to and including some weird up-the-bum photographs of Ms. Clinton from behind.  Fast forward.  This week, Hillary all but locked up the Democratic nomination for president (first woman ever, etc. etc.) she gave a semi-acceptance speech in a super stylish mega-expensive Armani jacket, and — wait for it — social media went berserk.  Suddenly, Clinton’s an elitist cow.  And these weren’t just a few snide remarks; people were digging in their heels and really letting her have it. (It’s incredible how insulting a person can be in 140 characters.)  The last time the fashionistas got this excited (“bitchy” is such a hard word) Sarah Palin’s skirt was too tight and “OMG! Who’s paying for her underwear?”  And let’s be clear: this Twitter, Facebook, Instagram ambush didn’t come from Trailer Trash America.  There were no bathrobes, bony feet or bedroom slippers in sight.  No, no, no!  These social media snipers were (for the most part) sharp-dressed, serious, high-end urban professionals who wouldn’t say “fat girl” if their lives depended on it.  What’s the deal?

I’m not naive.  I wasn’t raised by wolves.  I understand that there’s always going to be a double standard — pie-in-the-sky gender politics be damned.  Women always have been — and always will be — judged differently from men; it’s tucked into the chromosome count somewhere.  (And, remember: it’s not necessarily men doing the judging.)  My problem is this current crop of social media malcontents are playing both sides of the street.  Their selective acrimony is a wonder to behold.

For example, any woman who’s ever walked the Red Carpet knows there’s a target on her back. She better get it just right because the knives are out and nobody’s taking prisoners.  On the other hand, find a bathroom mirror selfie on YouTube where somebody’s ample ass is stuffed into a two-sizes-too-small corset, yoga pants and rhinestone Reeboks and nobody says a word because — that, friends and neighbours — is “body shaming.”  One question: what the hell’s the difference?

In less than six months, Hillary Clinton could become the most powerful person — PERSON — on the planet.  She’s going to have the ability to obliterate Damascus, Baghdad, Tehran and everything in between, before breakfast, wrapped in a shower curtain if she so desires.  It’s unbelievable that there are still people spilling ink over what’s hanging in her closet — as if that really matters.

The War On Skinny Jeans

skinny jeansThe attack headlines read, “Skinny Jeans May Cause Health Problems.”  Read about it here.  Puh-leeze!  This kind of fear mongering is not helping to advance the conversation we need to have about women’s clothing.  There are, however, several fashionista groups who continue to speak out and fight back.  Here are a few completely unprompted, absolutely spurious examples.

This is a direct attack on American values.  When you think about it, wearing skinny jeans honours the brave men and women who made the ultimate sacrifice to defend our right to wear tight clothes.  If we give in to this kind of terrorism, pretty soon we’ll all be wearing those loose-fitting burka things.
Meghan — Plumbottom, Wisconsin

I’m offended that the media continues to use the demeaning word “skinny.”  It’s encouraging to see that Walmart, eBay, Amazon and Google have changed their policies and are now using the more sensitive “slim-fit.”  However, more work needs to be done to educate the public about just how hurtful the “S-word” can be to women of slenderness.
Glenda — University of Donner Mountain, California

Historically, women’s fashions have always come under fire.  Way back in the 60s, women made a show of burning their bras in a misguided attempt at equality and research shows us that there were isolated anti-corset groups in the 19th century.  I’m certain this “skinny” thing will blow over and the ladies will get back to wearing attractive clothing again.
Dr. Trim Seekprey — Nobel Laureate

This is a nefarious attack on women by George W. Bush.  It’s a known fact that Dick Cheney sits on the Board of Directors of several multi-national yoga pants manufacturers who are taking advantage of this “so-called” health scare to sell yoga pants.  I’m disgusted that we live in a world that puts corporate greed and profits ahead of fashion.
Ruston Bland — ex-comedian

Our 12-year-old daughter was the victim of “skinny jean shaming” on Social Media.  Her father and I were so proud of her fashion choices until she came home from school in tears.  We contacted the principal and were informed there was nothing the school could do.  Apparently, posting an inflammatory news story on a child’s Facebook page is not considered a hate crime.  Ridiculous!  We need to regulate the Internet to protect vulnerable children from cyber-bullying.
Cary and Ann Umbridge — concerned parents #skinnyshame

There’s no scientific proof that “skinny” jeans have any effect on a woman’s body.  The measurable but insignificant changes in temperature and blood pressure should be attributed to a woman’s natural menstrual cycle.  No further research is necessary.
Report of the Strauss Scientific Group — San Francisco, California

In a time devastated by Third World poverty, disease and starvation, it’s easy for First World problems to fall through the cracks.  That doesn’t mean they’re any less serious.  We need to open a “slim-fit” dialogue that engages this issue honestly.  This is clearly about the human right to choose apparel that reflects how we identify ourselves within the entire human spectrum.  Awareness and tolerance can only be achieved if we silence those negative voices who are driving the agenda.
ThinksMart Activist Collective — Chicago

If you dig a little deeper you’ll find that there have been some major corporate contributions to the hospital where that woman was treated.  Plus, there’s a video on YouTube showing a woman, who is clearly Australian, walking into the hospital unaided.  Furthermore, one anonymous source says the only woman given intravenous drip that day was wearing Levi 505s.  Is it merely a coincidence that the hospital still refuses to identify her?  What do they have to hide?
DreadAxe War Anthem — Blogger

If “skinnies” are good enough for The Royals, they’re bloody good enough for me.
Denwin Yelbladder — Yobmouth, England

Fashion: What The Hell Happened?

models

Paris Fashion Week is two weeks over and the supermodels have scattered to the various All-You-Can-Eat breadstick bistros to fuel up for the next round — so it’s safe to ask a few rhetorical questions.

When did fashion models get so angry?
Back in the day, models were pouty, sulky, sullen and even vague (who wouldn’t be, on a diet of coffee and cigarettes?) and we liked them that way.  Oddly enough, disinterested crack addict used to be considered sexy.  These days, they all look like they’re grinding their teeth and just praying for an opportunity to jump down off the runway and kick the bejesus out of somebody.  They’re like a really skinny motorcycle gang.  The last time the world saw this much pent-up hostility, Hitler invaded Poland.

Who wears those clothes?
I’m not talking about size nothing VS real women of the world — unrealistic body image expectations have been done to death.  I’m talking about a woman’s inalienable right to sit down.  Harnessed into some of that industrial-strength crap, it’s a wonder they can even blink their eyes.

Is there something schizophrenically wrong with a society which is totally obsessed with breasts but demands its professional clotheshorses don’t have any?
No doubt, and there’s probably years of therapy involved in there somewhere.

Why is Haute Couture synonymous with hideous?
I’m from an age when Oscar, Yves and Coco actually liked women.  They made clothes for them that looked nice, that fit, and, for the most part, were wearable to weddings, funerals, birthdays and other social occasions.  I have no idea where or when women actually wear the rag bags they’re sewing up these days.  Exorcisms?  Barbie has a better wardrobe, for God’s sake!

Why are fashion commentators so damn bitchy? [Oops!]
It was Richard Blackwell and his Worst Dressed List that started this trend sometime in the last century, and Joan Rivers turned it into an art form.  They both made mountains of money and now everybody’s doing it.  But it’s been more than 50 years, folks.  Could we move on?

And finally, why does a heterosexual, grey haired old guy like me even care?
Gimme a break! Fashion Week is fun.