Sticking To The Facts!

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One of the most amazing things about facts is how mutable they can be.  I’m not talking about changing the facts.  That’s impossible.  As John Adams once said, “Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of the facts and evidence.”  Nor am I talking about this stupid “truthiness” that’s garnered so many headlines since Stephen Colbert coined the word in 2005.  I don’t think many people realize that this is actually a comedic device invented for laughs and regardless of who or how many people take it seriously, it isn’t.  I’m talking about rearranging the facts to create a faux truth which is then widely accepted as not only a reasonable facsimile but an actual alternative, indistinguishable from — and equal to — truth itself.   It’s a sort of mutant truth, accepted and unquestioned, as if it were the real thing.  Here’s how it’s done.

There is a widely held belief, purported by William S. Baring-Gould, that Sherlock Holmes and Irene Adler had a love affair which produced a son who became, in later life, the great detective Nero Wolfe.  Stuff and nonsense!  Baring-Gould has taken a few isolated facts and woven them into a fiction that has gained enormous credibility.  However, even though many accept this as the truth, including many reputable writers, nothing could be further from it.  Let’s look at the facts — objectively.

It is well known that Irene Adler was the love (or as close as he could get) of Sherlock Holmes’ life.  He kept a portrait of her on his desk, and she was the only woman he ever spoke about with grudging admiration.  It is also well known that in May, 1891, Holmes and Professor Moriarty fought a life-and-death struggle on a ledge over the Reichenbach Falls, in Switzerland.  It was reported at the time that, locked in mortal combat, both adversaries slipped from the dizzying heights and plunged to their deaths.  Of course, we now know that, in fact, Holmes defeated Professor Moriarty but was unable to return to Watson because he was set upon by Moriarty’s henchmen.  However, for three years, Holmes was presumed dead; his whereabouts, unknown.

This is all factual information.  From it, we can conclude that Holmes must have been severely injured.  Otherwise, he would have simply rejoined Watson in the nearby town of Meiringen.  Therefore, we can also conclude that, because of his injuries, Holmes would have needed assistance to descend the mountain.  These are two reasonable deductions, worthy of Holmes himself.  The tricky part, however, is after recovering from his injuries, what would make Sherlock Holmes abandon his career as a detective for three years?  Nothing else had ever captured the soul of Sherlock Holmes – except, perhaps Irene Adler whom, we know, was living on the continent with her husband.  Therefore, it is more than reasonable to assume that it could only be Irene Adler, out hiking on a late spring vacation, who found Holmes and rescued him.  We can further make the case that (given their history) in his weakened state, Holmes succumbed to Ms. Adler’s considerable charms.  In short, as she nursed him back to health Irene Adler seduced him.  No other explanation is possible.

The result was a child; however, not, as some would claim, a boy, but a girl whom they named Monica (from the Greek monos which means “solitary or alone.”)  Obviously, in the early 1890s, this was a very delicate situation.  Clearly, a love affair and an illegitimate child would have folded up Irene Adler’s marriage like a cheap lawn chair.  Furthermore, Holmes was not exactly daddy material.  Therefore the child was given to a local Swiss couple named Delacroix, who changed her name to “Monique,” and raised her as their own.  Eventually, consumed by guilt, Holmes and Adler parted, never to see the child — or each other — again.

Monique Delacroix grew up totally unaware of her biological parents.  During the First World War, she met Andrew, a dashing British military officer.  They married in 1919, when he left the service and took employment as a Vickers’ armaments representative.  They had one child, born November 11th, 1920, whom they named “James,” after his paternal grandfather.  Unfortunately, Monique and her husband, in a weird stroke of irony, were both killed in a climbing accident, in the early 1930s.  Eleven year old James went to live with his father’s sister, Miss Charmian Bond.  James Bond completed his education in England and went on to a brilliant career in British government service.  Thus, when we examine the facts objectively, we find that Sherlock Holmes is not, in fact, the father of orchid detective Nero Wolfe, but, indeed, the maternal grandfather of James Bond, 007!

As we can see, it is easy to fall into the trap of alternative truth.  Even though the facts remain the same, sometimes they can be mismanaged, or perhaps unwittingly manipulated to produce, not a deliberate lie, but an untruth, all the same.  William S. Baring-Gould were not maliciously trying to deceive us; yet deceive us they did.  Therefore, it is always best, when faced with an acceptable truth, no matter how plausible, to return to the facts to make your own judgement call.

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Originally written in 2012

Wicked Stepmothers – A Media Myth

step mother.jpgWe live in a time when anybody with the slightest complaint about our society (or life in general) plays the discrimination card.  The fact is there are so many groups claiming they’re oppressed these days that there’s hardly anyone left to do the oppressing.  The problem is, of course, in an ocean of phantom injury, the true tears of injustice frequently go unnoticed.  Which brings us to the one group who have endured and battled prejudice for centuries — stepmothers.

Over the years, the media has portrayed stepmothers as evil, wicked and, at times, even demonic.  Since the days of the Brothers Grimm and Hans Christian Andersen, stepmothers have been seen as second class citizens.  The struggles they face trying to hold blended families together are demeaned and the emotional price they pay ignored.  No one weeps when Snow White’s stepmother, The Queen, discovers she is no longer “the fairest of them all” — an emotional time for any woman.

And even though our society has made massive strides in tolerance and equality in other areas, the stepmother remains a cruel cliché.  Disney Studios alone makes millions exploiting the stereotype that stepmothers are wicked creatures, capable of anything.  What child doesn’t still cringe at the sight of The Wicked Queen in Snow White?  And Cinderella’s Madame Tremaine remains an icon of evil.  It wasn’t until 1969 that a brave Sherwood Schwartz brought The Brady Bunch to American television.  Finally, a fictional stepmother, Carol Brady, who was not emotionally stilted, steeped in cruelty, hurt and harm!  In fact, the entire program practically dripped with kindness.   Alas, it was not enough.

Since Carol and the rest of the Bradys were cancelled in 1974, the media’s assault on the stepmother has been relentless.  It is a litany of shame: Frieda in Happily N’ever After, Rodmilla de Ghent in Ever After, Clementianna in Mirror Mirror, Queen Narissa in Enchanted, Queen Ravenna in Snow White and the Huntsman and, of course, Evil Queen Regina in Once Upon A Time.   And now that Disney is cranking out live action remakes, there’s no end in sight.

It’s time to end the nightmare.

Wonder Woman: A Few Words

feministUnless you’ve been vacationing on one of the moons of Jupiter for the last year, you know that the movie Wonder Woman is being released today.  In fact, if you’re at all interested, you’ve probably seen most of the good bits on YouTube already.  However, Wonder Woman is a significant film: it made the BBC’s list of What to Watch in June.  (That’s right! The list that’s normally reserved for thoughtful, dark  tragedies, lit only by the glow of their English subtitles.) So, why is Wonder Woman such a biggie?  I can think of a couple of reasons.

1 — It’s the latest offensive in the Great Franchise Wars.  DC and Marvel Comics have been battling it out for the hearts and minds of post-pubescent spenders since the 1960s, kinda like Coke and Pepsi.  DC had an early advantage with name recognition characters like Superman, Batman and — yes — Wonder Woman, but since most superheroes have now made the leap from comic page to blockbuster film, Marvel has the upper hand.  Their Infinity Stone story line, with Robert Downey Jr., Scarlett Johansson, Chris Pratt and now Benedict Cumberbatch  leading the way, is totally better than anything DC has to offer.  Despite the spin, the truth is DC’s one bright light, Batman, burned out when Christian Bale — bailed.  They wanted to go serious badass with Suicide Squad (Will Smith, Jared Leto and Margot Robbie in short shorts) but that sucked.  Now they’re stuck with Ben Affleck and an assortment of oh-yeah-that-guy personalities.  Wonder Woman is the candle in the wind  that DC needs to reignite their brand, and they’re burning tons of promo money to make sure it doesn’t go out.

2 — Wonder Woman is the poster child of post feminist Hollywood.  This is 2017, and, in the movies, the “damsel in distress” motif is no longer in vogue.  These days, it’s strong female role models that capture the big bucks.  (I’m looking at you, Hunger Games.)  So, along comes Wonder Woman — she’s a smart, capable, physically strong, out of the closet bisexual, with no visible signs of PMS.  Not bad!  Unfortunately, gender equality in action films is — uh — still a little tricky.  Yeah, the girls get to saddle up and go to war alongside the guys, but even a quick glance will tell you they don’t get quite as many clothes.  Batman and Superman are suited and booted, tonsils to toes, whereas Wonder Woman has to fight evil in what amounts to a pimped-out, French-cut leather bathing suit.  Fortunately, despite the obvious disadvantages of going half naked into that murderous night, she seems more than happy to do it.  So, in a world dominated by the faux-feminism of celebrities like the Kardashian sisters, Wonder Woman ticks all the boxes.

And finally:

3 — Social media, the cyber-guardian of all that is weird and wonderful in our world, has already given its blessing.  There was a minor hiccup when nobody could decide whether Wonder Woman should shave her armpits or not, but that kinda Twittered out.  Now, it’s back on the awesome train, and it looks as if Wonder Woman will set the table for the DC boys to come back and make a meal out of Justice League in November.