I’m Totally Tired Of Porn!

WARNING:  Opinions expressed on this blog are so cold you can skate on them.  Reader discretion is advised.


I’m old enough to remember when journalism was an honourable profession.  (Yeah, I’m that old.)  In those days (and this isn’t just nostalgia) reporters reported the news, good reporters sought the truth and the great ones found it.  Even as I type this, it does sound a little corny and old-fashioned.  However, anyone, who was alive before Phil Donahue and his insipid brand of Jello Journalism f-f-f-fouled things up, will know what I’m talking about.  Edward R. Murrow’s boys (and more than a few girls) set the standard, and typewriters all over the world clattered away, trying to emulate them.  Unfortunately, those days are gone, and they’re not coming back.

These days journalists deal in porn.  It comes in many forms.  It wears many disguises.  But it’s always the same – an artificially arranged scenario whose sole purpose is to stimulate the audience — and any way you slice that, it’s porn.

Disaster Porn – Touring the wreckage has become de rigueur in television reporting.  Filming stunned survivors stumbling through the rubble is gold, and if you can get a shivering puppy on camera, you’re well on your way to a Pulitzer Prize.

Grief Porn – Shoving a camera into somebody’s face and asking, “Can you describe what was going through your mind when the police first told you your daughter had been eaten by cannibals?”

Poverty Porn – Camera crews and well-fed reporters, cruising through a refugee camp like it’s a guided tour of a human zoo of misery.  But the money shot is when they pull over and ask one of the locals just how horrible their godawful, wretched existence really is.

Ain’t it Awful Porn – This is when the downtrodden get an extra kick in the ass.  Journalists particularly enjoy empty foodbanks, old people who get scammed out of their life savings, and single mothers with cancer who lose their jobs a week before Christmas.

Trump Porn – OMG!  Look what the guy did, today!  LOOK!  JUST LOOK!  It’s way worse than yesterday!

It’s Not Really Porn Porn – No wonder feminists are pissed off all the time.  Believe me, Red Carpet cleavage, the wardrobe malfunction, the ever juvenile nip slip, and the full skirt caught by a random breeze are not actually news.  They’re occasions where polite people discreetly look away.

But the worst journalistic porn in the world is:

Inspirational Porn – Clearly, the only reason disabled people even exist is to demonstrate to the rest of us lazy bastards just how petty our problems really are.  Think about it!  The truth is, regardless of how talented, determined or resourceful these people might be on a normal daily basis — without their wheelchairs, journalists wouldn’t give them the time of day.


Wicked Stepmothers – A Media Myth

step mother.jpgWe live in a time when anybody with the slightest complaint about our society (or life in general) plays the discrimination card.  The fact is there are so many groups claiming they’re oppressed these days that there’s hardly anyone left to do the oppressing.  The problem is, of course, in an ocean of phantom injury, the true tears of injustice frequently go unnoticed.  Which brings us to the one group who have endured and battled prejudice for centuries — stepmothers.

Over the years, the media has portrayed stepmothers as evil, wicked and, at times, even demonic.  Since the days of the Brothers Grimm and Hans Christian Andersen, stepmothers have been seen as second class citizens.  The struggles they face trying to hold blended families together are demeaned and the emotional price they pay ignored.  No one weeps when Snow White’s stepmother, The Queen, discovers she is no longer “the fairest of them all” — an emotional time for any woman.

And even though our society has made massive strides in tolerance and equality in other areas, the stepmother remains a cruel cliché.  Disney Studios alone makes millions exploiting the stereotype that stepmothers are wicked creatures, capable of anything.  What child doesn’t still cringe at the sight of The Wicked Queen in Snow White?  And Cinderella’s Madame Tremaine remains an icon of evil.  It wasn’t until 1969 that a brave Sherwood Schwartz brought The Brady Bunch to American television.  Finally, a fictional stepmother, Carol Brady, who was not emotionally stilted, steeped in cruelty, hurt and harm!  In fact, the entire program practically dripped with kindness.   Alas, it was not enough.

Since Carol and the rest of the Bradys were cancelled in 1974, the media’s assault on the stepmother has been relentless.  It is a litany of shame: Frieda in Happily N’ever After, Rodmilla de Ghent in Ever After, Clementianna in Mirror Mirror, Queen Narissa in Enchanted, Queen Ravenna in Snow White and the Huntsman and, of course, Evil Queen Regina in Once Upon A Time.   And now that Disney is cranking out live action remakes, there’s no end in sight.

It’s time to end the nightmare.

I’m Tired Of Trump

donald-trumpOkay, I’m officially tired of Donald Trump.  I’ve had it up to my eyeballs with the guy.  It’s been three solid months.  Even Jack the Ripper got a day off, for God’s sake!
I don’t care how bad he is.
I don’t care how good he is.
I don’t care what he looks like, where he goes or who comes to see him.
I don’t care that Saturday Night Live hasn’t been this relevant since Chevy Chase discovered Gerald Ford was clumsy.
I don’t care that Alec Baldwin doesn’t like Trump.
I don’t care that Stephen Baldwin does.
And I don’t give a rat’s ass for Rosie O’Donnell’s opinion.  (That woman’s just mean.)
Actually, I’m sick and tired of celebrity millionaires telling me how I’m supposed to care and what I’m supposed to care about.  I’ve got a  new rule: I’m not taking any advice from people who don’t buy their own toilet paper.  (And BTW, I’ve seen some of those movies they’re calling art.  They ain’t!)
I’m tired of Trumpeters, for and against, cluttering up my Twitter feed.
I’m tired of turning on the TV and seeing nothing but Trump.
I’m tired of people plastering Trump all over Facebook.  The election’s over; it’s time to get back to sick kids and kittens.

Personally, despite what the media says, I don’t think Donald Trump is smart enough to be the Antichrist, but, if he is — well — why doesn’t he get on with it?
And I definitely don’t think he’s the best president since Teddy Roosevelt.  So far, pretty much everything he’s touched has gone sideways.
So maybe — just maybe — he’s somewhere in the middle.

But that’s the problem.

It’s impossible to have a reasonable political discussion about the relative merits or demerits of a Trump presidency because every dumbass from Maine to Malibu is shouting an opinion — and most of it is just noise.

So until we quit being immature jerks, running around calling each other names, I’m out.  And, as of right now, if all the Trump supporters and all the Trump detractors were gathered naked in Antarctic, I wouldn’t give any one of them the steam off my pee to keep warm.

There’s more to this world than Donald Trump, folks!