Tag: New Year

Time Flies 2017

time-2017If you’re old enough to read this blog, you’re old enough to remember a time when 2017 was nothing more than a vague rumour.  It was part of that great bundle of stuff we always call “the future” or “someday” or “soon.”  But, hang around long enough, folks, and suddenly “someday” is now and the future is bright, bold and in your face.  Time has a tendency to do that.  The minute you’re not watching, it either sneaks up on you or disappears entirely.  Let me demonstrate:

In last year’s American election, the kids who voted for the 1st time to determine who was going to run the show in the United States weren’t even going to kindergarten on the morning of 9/11.  They aren’t aware of a world that doesn’t include social media or a War on Terror.  To them, the songs of Prince and George Michael are Golden Oldies.

Their parents, however, grew up in a time before Osama Bin Laden, George W. Bush and Barack Obama.  As kids, they never heard of iPods, Smart Phones, Facebook or Twitter.  They probably weren’t old enough to go to the movies by themselves, and therefore didn’t see Princess Leia kiss her brother, Luke.  And they knew Alan Rickman as Hans Gruber, not Severus Snape.

Meanwhile, their parents grew up during the Cold War, when there were two Germanys, divided by a wall — and two Americas, divided by the Vietnam War.  A quiet guy from Ohio stepped off a ladder and onto the Moon.  David Bowie was Ziggy Stardust, Patty Duke was Helen Keller and Merle Haggard was proud to be an Okie from Muskogee.

And finally, at the end of our living memory, their parents never did figure out Disco.  They listened to Frank Sinatra (and maybe his son Frank Jr.) on vinyl, 8-track, cassette, compact disc and that music thing that their great granddaughter has.  They remember Colonel Glenn blasting off and splashing down.  To them, Zsa Zsa was more famous for doing nothing than Paris Hilton ever was for doing things badly.  And, of course, long before she was Carrie Fisher’s mother, Debbie Reynolds was Singin’ In The Rain.

So hiya, 2017!  I have no idea how you got here so quickly, but I’m old enough to know I’d better enjoy the hell out of you while I can — because before I know it, you’re going to be history.

Happy New Year 2017

new-year-2017

Goodbye, 2016 — you 12 month, piece of junk.  You were a year written by George R.R. Martin and I, for one, won’t be missin’ ya.  Unfortunately, among all the “Happy New Years,” there are a bunch of people predicting that it’s only going to get worse in 2017.  If climate change doesn’t kill us all, ISIS, immigrants or Donald Trump will.  Yeah, yeah, yeah!  Personally, I’ve lived through more than one Earth- Ending Event — including Margaret Thatcher, George Bush (both of them) Y2K, the Mayan calendar and whatever Nostradamus has been babbling about for years.  Predicting the future is like raising children — you never know whether you’re right or wrong until it’s too late.  So rather than trying to look over the horizon at 2017, here are just a few things I would really like to see next year.

1 — We all finally realize that nothing actually happens when some asshole gets offended on Social Media — nothing!

2 — The Kardashians go back to whatever planet they came from — and they take Blac Chyna, Tyga and Kanye with them.

3 — We remember that Reality TV is, in reality, an oxymoron.

4 — Telling the truth is no longer one of the Seven Deadly Sins.

5 — Somebody, please, take the jihadists seriously.  These homicidal maniacs have a grudge against the 21st century and it’s not as if anybody can talk them out of it.  A lot of people are getting killed.  We need a better strategy than candles and teddy bears — after the fact.

6 — Game of Thrones quits going sideways.

7 — The end of the mannequin challenge.

8 — There’s at least one decent movie produced in 2017 that isn’t a sequel, a prequel, part of a franchise, a remake or a reboot.  There has to be an original idea out there — somewhere.

9 — We permanently abandon Uggs and yoga pants.

10 — Hey, Minions!  You’re 15 minutes is over.

And finally:

11 — Somebody looks at me the way women look at yogurt in the television commercials.

2016 SUCKS, but…

new-years-2016

Let’s face it: 2016 was a crap year!  Tons of cool people died.  Evil bastards all over the world made a point of putting the dick back in dictator.  There was war, disease, famine, pestilence — you name it; we had it — and Ben Affleck was Batman!  Personally, this year can’t end fast enough.  However, I am an optimist, so let’s take a look at a few good things that happened in 2016.

1 — The millennials are now one year closer to getting run over by the reality train.

2 — We finally got rid of Alex Rodriguez.

3 — We have at least three more genders to fit into public toilets.

4 — It’s been 12 months since we’ve  heard from Charlie Sheen, Shia LaBeouf, Al Gore, that monumental jerk Letterman and What’s-Her-Name, the stupid blonde chick.

5 — French thieves.

6 — Gawker went broke.

7 — After 41 years of confusion, the British discovered they weren’t European, after all.

8 — The media finally confessed and admitted that half the stuff they’re calling news is actually just make-believe.

9 — The Cubs won the World Series, and Bob Dylan got the Nobel Prize for Literature.  (There’s no way 2017 can be any weirder than that.)

And finally, but most importantly:

10 — Politically Correct got an incredible kick in the cojones when reality TV star Donald Trump didn’t kowtow to those social media bullies.  The PC Reign of Terror might not be over, but every blow struck against those Intellectual Nazis is important.

BTW, you know what kind of year it’s been when a guy like me is congratulating Donald Trump for anything.