There’s been a lot of yipping lately about how divided our society has become. These days, everyone is painfully aware of what this particular group thinks or that particular group does or how some other group will react or get pissed off or … on and on and on. Bullshit! I don’t care how people identify themselves or what they think makes them different from everybody else, because the bottom line is — they aren’t — and I can prove it.
Here’s a simple test.
If you’ve done any one of these 10 things (11 if you’re female) you’re living proof that, way down deep in the human psyche, we’re all the same — just a bunch of ordinary folk, trying to get by.
1 — You hear a recording of your voice and think, “Wow, that is so-o-o weird. Do I really sound like that?”
2 — You see someone you kinda know but not very well, and you pretend you don’t recognize them so you don’t have to make conversation.
3 — When you’re alone and a popular old song comes on the radio, you mumble most of the words until the chorus comes along and then you sing really loud.
4 — At a party with varying degrees of background noise, you smile a lot and “ha-ha-ha” laugh because you can’t actually hear what the other person is saying.
5 — Somebody says, “That was 10 years ago” and you’re thinking the 1990s, not 2006.
6 — You silently pronounce Wednesday as Wed-Ness-Day and February as Feb-Brew-Airy when you write them.
7 — You spend $20.00 extra at Amazon, for something you don’t really want, just to avoid paying the $8.00 shipping charge.
8 — You remember a stupid thing you did — like — 12 years ago and get embarrassed all over again.
9 — You get out of the shower, see yourself naked in the mirror and go Supermodel for a nanosecond.
10 — When James Bond says, “My name is Bond, James Bond.” — you just read that in his voice, didn’t you?
And finally, for women only:
11 — At some point in your life, you’ve laughed so hard you peed your pants.