There are a million and six ways to celebrate Christmas — everything from Aunt Betty’s fruitcake (“Isn’t that the same one from last year?”) to the latest overpriced iPhone (“Holy crap! They’re proud of their plastic!) And we all keep Christmas in our own way. However, there are certain things that everyone experiences at Christmas. And these are the things that make the season special.
Christmas is about music — For God’s sake! Could you give “Jingle Bells” a rest? You’ve been playing that damn thing constantly since the 12th of November. And, while we’re at it, one more “Little Drummer Boy” and I’m going to jump up and punch somebody – seriously – I’m going to punch somebody.
Christmas is about good cheer – To the guy who stole your parking space, the woman who elbowed into line and insisted she was next, the teenagers who were singing “Straight Outta Compton” in the Lego Store, the delivery person who dropped your package and kicked it to the door and the co-workers who secretly ate all your cookies – Merry Christmas, ya bunch of assholes!
Christmas is about giving — You’ve known each other since grade school; you’ve been friends since university. So this year you’ve spent the last three months searching every garage sale, dusty charity shop and back alley record store within 100 km. looking for a copy of her totally favourite vinyl record, The Velvet Underground & Nico. You found it! You wrap it in special paper with a handmade tag. You give it to her. And she hands you a scented candle and a Starbucks’ Gift Card.
Christmas is about family – Your mother hasn’t spoken to Uncle Thomas in 12 years. Your brother borrowed money from you last April, and now he doesn’t answer his phone. Your niece is a vegan and her girlfriend is an atheist. Grandpa can’t eat salt, sugar, soy or starch and Grandma has trouble with fibre. Cousin Benny and his wife drink – a lot. And your own kids have decided to spend Christmas in Hawaii with their father. Surprise! It’s your year to host the good old-fashioned family Christmas dinner. Oh, and your sister’s kids want to bring the dog.
But the one thing that we all have in common at Christmas is:
Christmas is about kids – I don’t care if you’re the world’s most committed social worker, one good deed away from the Nobel Peace Prize or a badass biker, one neck tattoo away from a felony conviction — when a child sees Santa Claus for the first time – screw the 6 O’clock News — there is no wickedness in the world!